Meditation in the Garden of Gethsemane

Posted on June 20, 2016 by veilofveronica

the-agony-in-the-garden-frans-schwartz

Agony in the Garden by Franz Schwartz

Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Luke 22:38

On June 8, 2016 I sat down to read the 5th hour of the 24 hours of the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ by Louisa Piccarreta

She has set the scene in the Garden of Gethsemane in total darkness.  She cannot find Christ.  It is pitch black.  She finds him by hearing his breathing.  She holds him.

I close my eyes and picture myself there.  I hold him and place my head against his chest.  His breathing is labored.  I feel oppression all around.  He is seeing the sins of man.  He is taking it all on.  He allows me to feel but a glimpse of this sin.  The blackness is so heavy it makes me hurt and I almost want to let go of Him because it hurts so bad.  But I do not want to let go of my Lord.  When my decision is made to keep holding onto Him, even in the pain and agony of what I have seen and felt, I can feel Him remove the blackness.  Even removing the blackness in me.  My sin.  I know what is on the other side of this agony.  He is teaching me to love like Him.  He takes my sin away and my shame is lifted.  I feel a love like I have never felt before.  He imparts on me to have this self – giving love. To love others even when they sin.  If I can love them, I can lead them to Him.  Their sin can be taken away just like mine.  I felt communion with Him in the garden.  I know the passion of the church is coming.  I know to hold on tight to Christ through it even when it hurts.  Resurrection and glory are on the other side.

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What to do in a world filled with chaos

Posted on June 1, 2016 by veilofveronica

jesus_calms_storm11

Though the mountains fall away and the hills be shaken, My love shall never fall away from you nor my covenant of peace be shaken, says the LORD, who has mercy on you.  O afflicted one, storm-battered and unconsoled,  I lay your pavements in carnelians,your foundations in sapphires;  I will make your battlements of rubies,  your gates of jewels,and all your walls of precious stones.  All your children shall be taught by the LORD;  great shall be the peace of your children.  Isaiah 54:10-14

The world seems chaotic these days.  Hate seems to permeate the air.  Social media has enabled us to dehumanize.  It reminds me of road rage.  We think because we can’t see the person in the car, they are not human, we curse and gesture at them, having no idea of the life in the car.  The same thing is going on with the computer, we have no idea of the life on the other end, so we curse, we dehumanize, we speak hate.

Remember that what you say matters, even if it is on the internet;

 A good person brings forth good out of a store of goodness, but an evil person brings forth evil out of a store of evil.   I tell you, on the day of judgment people will render an account for every careless word they speak. By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” Matthew 12:35-37

Remember also to always seek truth.  There is righteous anger, and there is wrath.  Know the difference;

Therefore, putting away falsehood, speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, for we are members one of another.  Be angry but do not sin;  do not let the sun set on your anger, and do not leave room for the devil.   Ephesians 4:25-27

Ask yourself this question in each situation, “What does love ask?”  God is love, so you are asking what He asks of you.  It is easy these days to get caught up in a spiral of distress or despair.  Division everywhere causes you to dehumanize your fellow man.  We label them, unable to think anything but wrath and hate.  How do we stop this?  What does love ask?

When I feel myself getting this way, I stop and strip it down to simplicity.  God asks me to love the person right in front of me.  God asks me to deal with the situation in front of me. Sometimes the best way to do that is to step away from social media.  Put the phone down. Call a friend and have that interpersonal relationship.  Hug people.  Human touch is important, not in a sexual way, but in an agape love way.  I hug people everyday.  It makes me see them as humans loved by God and makes me know myself as loved too.  If hugging isn’t your thing, then find a way to connect that is.  Make sure you pray.  Prayer and quiet calm the heart.

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice!  Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near.  Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.  Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:4-7

The only person I can control is myself.  I can spread God’s love and joy, or I can descend into the chaos.  There’s nothing the devil would like more than to see each of God’s Christian children descend into chaos.  This is a time to put total trust in God.  Abandon yourself to him.  Let Him totally steer your ship.  He can calm your heart when a storm is raging around you.  If you keep your eyes on Him, you can have that peace that surpasses all understanding, and a faith that can move mountains.

A violent squall came up and waves were breaking over the boat, so that it was already filling up. Jesus was in the stern, asleep on a cushion. They woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?”  He woke up, rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Quiet! Be still!” The wind ceased and there was great calm.  Then he asked them, “Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?”  They were filled with great awe and said to one another, “Who then is this whom even wind and sea obey?” Mark 4: 37-41

 

 

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An Infusion of Grace

Posted on April 26, 2016 by veilofveronica

three-crosses-1024x890

God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble — James 4:6 

In the weeks and months following Veronica’s murder, I was in constant prayer.  Constant conversation with God.  God showed me my own soul.  I was ashamed at how loosely I applied the law to myself all the while applying it very strictly to others.  I had everything backwards.  My soul was illuminated, so to speak.  I began to pull the planks out of my own eyes.  In doing so, my blindness was lifted and I was able to look at my fellow human beings in a new light.  I was able to see what I think God had in mind when He left us the rules for a way of living.  I have never really been able to express in words what happened to me, other than an infusion of grace in a time of suffering.  In two words it was joy and it was sorrow.

For the first time in my life I felt an inexplicable inner peace.  I felt completely wrapped in the love of God.  I KNEW He loved me.  It made me excited to get up and start the day.  It made me thankful for my husband, my children, my home, and my friends.  But it was also very, very humbling.  I realized how many times in my life I had argued with people to be right, and never thought about loving them.  I realized how often I only thought of myself never giving a thought to other people and how my actions may affect them.  I looked at them with strict glasses of legalism and missed the opportunity to love them properly.

In my grief over Veronica I truly looked at people differently.  I truly wanted love for them.  I wanted to see their humanness and not their sin.  When I did see sin (including my own), what I felt inside can only be inadequately explained as SORROW.  It was as if I could see them (and myself) rejecting God after being shown how much He chases after us with love.

I thought of Jesus in Gethsemane.  It is said His sweating of blood wasn’t because of His impending crucifixion but because of His seeing all the sin of humanity.  Utter sorrow.  Love was there to embrace us and empty Himself totally for us and we continually reject it by choosing selfishness instead of love.   The two thieves on the cross both recognized Him, but only one humbled Himself and was promised heaven.  The other just wanted Jesus to get him down, rejecting the love that was pouring out on the cross for him.  The example of these two thieves made me understand why there are times we should not receive communion.  We are all sinners, but many reject what the Lord taught us and receive in pride, thinking we are right, all the while we are just bringing judgement on ourselves.  “ For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves.”  (1 Corinthians 11:29.)  Both men on the cross next to Jesus were sinners, but one, in the pride of His sin, rejected love, and brought judgement on himself.  The other recognized his sin and humbled Himself before Our Lord, bringing him the joy of heaven.  Thank God for confession.

One night after feeling this joy like never before I went to bed and felt this inside, “Lord, even if you take everything from me, all was yours to begin with.  Every breath begins and ends with you, and in my nothingness all will still be well as long as I have you.”  An infusion of grace.

I could drive down the street and have a fellow human being cut me off and flip me the bird and I would pray for blessing on that person.  I would pray that they would know the love of God.  I would feel sorrowful that they may not yet know the love of God because when you do, you really try your best to stop acting that way.

At some point I lost the continual sense of peace and joy.  It is the memory of this infusion of grace that keeps me in constant contact and prayer with my Lord.  When I come across people now, I try to receive them without judgement and just listen to their story.  If I can listen, and hear their suffering, perhaps I can walk with them to the very intimate meeting with Jesus Christ that can transform their lives the way He transformed mine.  I am so far from perfect, I am a mess actually, but I am clear that I am called to love.  I am called to be a Saint and I am not embarrassed to say it.  My job on this earth is to get to heaven and help my fellow human beings get there too.  I can only hope that one day I will meet our Lord and hear, “well done, good and faithful servant.”  Until then may God pour grace and blessing over each and every one of you.

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My story – audio

Posted on April 18, 2016 by veilofveronica

Fort Granger4

I posted this once before, but I am re-posting for anyone who wants to listen.  This is my story.  Audio only.  Click this link.

 

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The God Paradox – A beautiful Tension

Posted on April 13, 2016 by veilofveronica

Butterfly Nebula

The Butterfly Nebula, taken by the Hubble Space Telescope.

(The Butterfly is a symbol of the Resurrection)

“Thus says the LORD, your redeemer, who formed you from the womb: I am the LORD, who made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, I spread out the earth by myself.” Isaiah 44:24

He is both charity and judgement.

He is mercy and justice.

He is love and law.

He is infinite and became finite taking on the form of a human.

He is the King of Kings who entered the world as the smallest of the small in a manger.

He is beyond the horizon and totally intimate.

He is the All in All who emptied Himself to nothing on the Cross.

He is abundance and poverty.

He is human and divine.

He IS.

Why is the path of love so narrow and yet so abundant?  “Enter through the narrow gate.  For wide is the is the gate that leads to destruction, and many enter through.  But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matthew 7:13

The path of love gives abundance but is narrow because of the beautiful tension of God.  Those who immerse themselves in the Divine Will walk a tight rope poured over by grace that reveals the love of God as revealed in the law.  The love and the law in union together.  In following the law as a response to God’s call to us, we empty ourselves, fill up with God, and become more of who we are supposed to be.  A beautiful tension of the emptying of self will, the filling of God’s will, and, as St. Catherine of Siena says,  “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.”

The law was given to us by God to show us the path to happiness and holiness.  But as St. Paul says, “If I speak in tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” 1:Corinthians 13:1

If we spend our time in the law shooting poison arrows of judgement at the souls of others, without examining ourselves, we have not love.

On the other hand, if we disregard the law, saying we are doing it in the name of love, we reject what Christ Himself said, “Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.” Matthew 5:17

The law was written on our hearts by the love of God, and when we fill ourselves with the Divine Will the law helps us find true freedom, which is Jesus Himself.   Our response to God’s loving gift should be to apply this law to ourselves, taking the narrow path.  When we do this we walk in joy, peace, and bold confidence, knowing that God has filled the hole in our hearts to make us the best possible person we can be.  Others take notice, and are drawn in because they recognize beauty and joy. “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.” John 14:23

Live the beautiful tension of love and law.  Take the narrow road.  Christ will fill you with His Divine Will.

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Be in Communion

Posted on April 11, 2016 by veilofveronica

our lady of guadelupe by octavio ocampo

Our Lady of Guadalupe by Octavio Ocampo

“My sheep hear my voice; I know them, and they follow me.  I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish. No one can take them out of my hand.  My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one can take them out of the Father’s hand.  The Father and I are one.” John 10:27-30

I have always loved this image of Our Lady of Guadalupe by Octavio Ocampo.  You can see all the people in the image, even down to her eyelids where you can see a sombrero on a man.  All of us together as one, with Our Lady who looks down indicating, there is one greater than I. All of us in communion with Him.

The other day I received a message from a Protestant brother telling me that we Catholics should realize that Jesus is first and not Mary.  I had to sigh.  I know he meant well, but what he doesn’t seem to understand is that we Catholics do put Jesus first.  In fact, we Catholics have the Doctrine of the Trinity.  God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, who we look to.  They are the ultimate union.  Three in one.  A mystery and a beauty.  And we Catholics are called to that union.  1 Corinthians 1:30 tells us, “It is due to him that you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, as well as righteousness, sanctification, and redemption.”  

We are called to be united with Him.  All of us together.  Not just Jesus and I alone, though we must have a personal relationship with Him, but when we do have this relationship, it calls us to unity with each other together.  The Communion of Saints.  Those who have died before us, and those here on earth.  The Church Militant, Suffering, and Triumphant.

And as for Mary, as Father Michael Gaitley says (paraphrasing), “If God Himself could choose Mary as the point through which He entrusted Himself to enter this earth, then why can’t we entrust ourselves to Mary as God Himself did.” (from The One Thing Is Three).

When we seek communion with that which is created by God, we are not worshiping the creature, we are worshiping as God Himself asked us to, with each other.  “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:20

We know that there is life after earthly death, so with those in heaven we should unite, and with those who are here with us now. We are not meant to go it alone, we are meant to be in communion.  What each of us wants is love.  The Trinity is Love.  And we are made in the image and likeness of that Love. His love for us is self giving, and we in turn, emulating our Lord, should take that self giving out into the world to others, to love.

In prayer of late, I have been picturing this;

communion cross with sun

 

It is similar to the back of the Miraculous Medal, but our God, who created the sun and the moon and all of creation sent his Son Jesus to us.  The heart of Jesus is in union with the heart of His Mother, because she is in union with the Divine will.  Also, I see the Anchor which I wrote about here.  I see the church as our Anchor because it was founded by Christ.  I see Mary as our mother, in communion with the Divine will, in communion with creation.  All of this brought about by love.  Be in communion.

“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

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EVA’S CANCER IS NOT THERE

Posted on March 29, 2016 by veilofveronica

Video From Eva  

 

Eva had this to say; “Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer GONE without any treatment or explanation!!! I have had chemo and radiation before but since the last CAT Scan and PET scan that showed active cancer, I have had no treatment whatsoever and it miraculously disappeared. ONLY a miracle could explain what happened, in my opinion.”

Everyone who prayed for her, thank you, thank you.

eva's scans

 

risen

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Anchor yourself

Posted on March 8, 2016 by veilofveronica

st. clement

The forth Pope St. Clement

mariner's cross

Mariner’s Cross also know as St. Clement’s Cross

 

“So when God wanted to give the heirs of his promise an even clearer demonstration of the immutability of his purpose, he intervened with an oath,so that by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge might be strongly encouraged to hold fast to the hope that lies before us.  This we have as an anchor of the soul, sure and firm, which reaches into the interior behind the veil, where Jesus has entered on our behalf as forerunner, becoming high priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek.” Hebrews 6:17-20

In my prayer of late, the Anchor keeps coming to me.  Now, I have always known that the anchor is a symbol of hope.  But what I didn’t know was that the anchor was often used as a symbol in early Christianity.  An Anchor represents safety.  As I pray, I know our safety lies with the Barque of Peter, Our Lord Jesus Christ and His Mother.  Anchor yourself there.

As I began to read more, I found out Pope St. Clement, the 4th Pope, who was ordained a Bishop by Peter himself, was also associated with the Anchor.  He lived at a time of great persecution of the church.  He was martyred under Emperor Trajan, and it is said that an anchor was tied around him and he was thrown into the sea for not renouncing Christianity.

He was recorded as teaching, “We must, look upon all the things of this world, as none of ours, and not desire them. This world and that to come are two enemies. We cannot, therefore, be friends to both; but we must resolve which we would forsake, and which we would enjoy. And we think, that it is better to hate the present things, as little, short-lived, and corruptible; and to love those which are to come, which are truly good and incorruptible. Let us contend with all earnestness, knowing that we are now called to the combat. Let us run in the straight road, the race that is incorruptible. This is what Christ saith: keep your bodies pure and your souls without spot, that ye may receive eternal life.”  (Taken from Vol. III of “The Lives or the Fathers, Martyrs and Other Principal Saints” by the Rev. Alban Butler.)

In this time of persecution, where sisters are murdered caring for the elderly, we must remember as Clement did to Anchor ourselves to Christ and His church.  The Anchor of the church is where hope and safe harbor lay.

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I Went Shopping for a Coffin

Posted on February 25, 2016 by veilofveronica

mysteries_agonia

Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.  Mark 14:34

Those of you who have followed my blog know that my friend Eva has pancreatic cancer.   This journey for her has been a roller coaster ride.  A back and forth from hope to despair to hope again.  The pain and suffering she has endured has been immense.  Through it all, she has tried to remain positive, yet realistic, and she continues to have hope for her future.

For those who know her, she is a lively, outgoing, funny person.  She is caring and giving. Being around someone in so much physical pain is hard for some people, but Eva always manages to put people at ease.  She is very open and honest, actually graceful about what she is going through.  She’s not perfect, none of us are, but she is a light in a world of darkness.

Back in January, faced with the then diagnosis that there were no options left for her, she called and asked me if I could help plan her funeral.  She said it was too much to bear for her husband, he just couldn’t.  Of course I said yes, I didn’t want her to go alone.  She was grateful for the opportunity to plan what she wanted, to let us know how she wanted her life celebrated. Most of us try to spend our time not thinking about these things, but she didn’t want to burden her husband in his grief should she die.  She wanted him to know what to do.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I have never shopped for a coffin or anything like that.  Every funeral I have been to was planned by someone else.  I was apprehensive at first, but as soon as I picked her up, I was put at ease.  We laughed and joked the whole way to the funeral home.

When we got there, the sales agent was kind and gracious.  I think he wasn’t quite used to an alive person planning their own funeral.  And she is very much alive.  Living more fully than some non-sick people I know.

We were a little overwhelmed by all the choices.  Eva picked out the things she liked, and the sales agent and I recorded them.  She even climbed into the coffin and had me take a picture.  That did not sit well with some who saw the picture, but she meant no harm.  We were joking and laughing, all the while I was weeping inside.  We all have to face our own mortality someday, Eva is just open and honest about it.

creamation.jpg

Eva loved this crystal remembrance that can have ashes inside of it should one choose creamation.

Since that time she has had more of a roller coaster of hope and despair and hope again. She said the Cancer treatment centers of America were amazing.  She was treated like a queen instead of a number.  They performed a nerve block to help stop her pain, though complications have left fluid on her spine, which is also painful.  She says she has met so many amazing people along the way who have been so kind and loving.

As for her current situation, she at first was told  a couple of months ago, there was concern about her being strong enough and the scans weren’t clear enough for a Nano-knife procedure, but now with new scans it is able to be done.  The Nano-knife blasts electricity into her tumor and destroys it.  It has had much success.  But since it is still considered experimental, her insurance has now decided to deny it.  So it is now that she is left in the position of asking for help financially.  I hate asking people for money, but I will ask for her sake.  If you feel so inclined, please consider a donation.  If not, please continue to pray for her and consider sharing the link.  Thank you to all who have already donated.

Eva, I believe, has always been a beautiful woman.

eva

She is even more beautiful now as she has grown closer to the Lord, trusting in him, and bringing our community together in prayer.  She has said she is grateful for her cancer because it changed her and her families priorities and brought her back to God.

me and eva.jpg

As we delve deeper into this Lenten season, let us always remember, hope is still here. Hope is in Christ, both here and in the life to come.  I believe Eva is here still because of your prayer and her love for her family.  Keep up the prayers.  God Bless you all.  You all know I love music, so I leave you with this beautiful song by Audrey Assad.

-xoxo

Susan

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Unfathomable Mercy

Posted on February 12, 2016 by veilofveronica

Mary Magdelene the Penitent

Mary Magdalene the Penitent – who received God’s mercy – painted by my cousin  Kathleen Carr

“Let the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy. My daughter, write about My mercy towards tormented souls.  Souls that make an appeal to My mercy delight Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy. Write: before I come as a just Judge, I first open wide the door of My mercy. He who refuses to pass through the door of My mercy must pass through the door of My justice…” (Diary, 1146)

 

Sorry it’s been awhile since I have posted anything.  The past few weeks have been difficult.  In three weeks time my friends or myself have been touched by 4 suicides, one of which touched our family very personally.  I have seen a lot of despair.  I have also seen division.  I was unsettled, as I remember having a dream relating to suicide a few months back.  I know now, more than ever, our mission, as faithful is to spread hope because our God is a God of hope.  In the midst of all this, I have also seen good.  People coming together in prayer.  I have found this period of time difficult, yet I remain steadfast to stay faithful.  If you find yourself in despair, please ask God to bind up that spirit of despair and cast it out.  Go to confession.  Offer your sins to Jesus asking forgiveness.  Spread hope to others.

I believe it was meant to be that just before all of this happened, I watched a Divine Mercy 101 DVD with Fr. Chris Alar.  As I sat and pondered these suicides, feeling helpless and worried for souls, I remembered that Fr. Alar had said (paraphrasing), if you say a Divine Mercy Chaplet today for someone who has died in the past, the graces from your prayer today, because God is outside of time, are taken to your loved one at the time of their judgement. In other words, God could for see that you would say the prayer for the loved one and then apply that grace for them when they die. Our God is that merciful.  Unfathomable mercy.  Pray the chaplet, our prayers do have power.

I took all of this in and went to the 24 hour Adoration Chapel nearby.  I recorded what popped into my head as God speaking to me, I will relay only part of it here;

 

Written 1-30-16

Beloved,

The biggest mistake you all make is thinking the devil is not real.  He spreads lies and confusion.  Wreaking havoc.  This is free will’s choices.  You have to choose to love and choose the good.  I have given you the tools.  Silence the noise and the veil is lifted.  I am available to all.  Seek refuse in Mary, the perfect example.  Satan is trying to cause division in this time and has succeeded more than any other time.  Making you think you are almighty gods of yourselves.  You CAN have Divine Life.  I want to share it with you.  But it comes in being contrary to the world and being in union with the Trinity -> the ultimate goal.  Communion, not division.

Invoke your angels.  St. Michael will defend you in battle.  Be present and don’t worry about the future.  I am already there.

Divine Mercy – pray for it.  Mercy is pouring out.  Pray the Rosary.  Do penance.  Small mortification to prepare.  The Battle Cry, “Who is like God?”  The answer, no one.  My promise is true.  The gates of hell shall not prevail.  You have no idea of my love or of my ways.  Things aren’t always what they seem.  Penance.  Repent, Confess, Reparation.

-Your Abba

In the days and months to come, remember to love.  People are angry, and you may be angry, you may be justified to be angry, a righteous anger, but don’t let that hold you back from love.  Reach out to the suffering.  Bring hope to your fellow man.  Don’t answer wrath with wrath, answer it with love.  Pray for your enemies, and most of all, pray for those who have lost hope.

P.S. Continue to pray for Eva.  She was able to have a nerve block to help her pain, but the tumor is still there, wrapped around a main artery.  She suffers a lot, but remains in hope.

 

 

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