And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil.  For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed. But those who do what is true come to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that their deeds have been done in God.” John 3:19-21

First, I would be remiss if I didn’t praise God for the overturning of Roe v Wade and for the success of the Kennedy ruling on prayer. When Roe v. Wade was overturned a curse was lifted from our land – so of course the demonic are in a frenzy using everyone who will listen to cause havoc and destruction. We must keep praying as we battle this Hydra. One head at a time, working together, to defeat this beast. We must not close off from one another. In isolation we become targets, but together, we become an army of love.

It’s been a while since I have written anything, as you know from my last post, I have had many trials. The trials have extended beyond caring for my mom and my back injury. I do not want to go into what they are now, but one day I may share it. I have been feeling of late like I was suffocating and drowning. Many of you out there may feel this way too. Then I listened to a podcast by Sister Jane Dominic, OP.

Sister described the journey to transforming union as one of descent, not ascent. She said, while she had thought one ascends to God, she realizes God actually digs a hole, puts you in it, covers you with dirt, and waters you until you sprout and bear fruit. I loved this analogy as it explained exactly how I felt, and set my resolve to keep my eyes on Jesus, to keep loving in the darkness. It also made me to realize that the ascent – it’s HIS. I am weak, on the human level I have nothing left to give. But God has a lot to give. His giving is supernatural. When we have nothing left to give, we only need to turn to the Lord and ask for help because His power really is made perfect in our weakness. Our ability to love, despite what has come at us is key to God being able to lift us into His grace. It is a total trust, that no matter what, He can do whatever it is you feel you can’t.

We are entering into more and more difficulty as the demonic becomes more and more frantic. It is here we must be docile to the Lord, despite whatever fears we may have. The signs are marked in the sky. The victory is God’s already.

In all this, we must look to Mary to help guide us to the proper response to the Lord. My friend Ashley, pointed out to me the difference between Zechariah’s question to the Angel Gabriel and Mary’s question to him. Zechariah essentially asking, “how can I know?” While Mary asked, “how can this be?”

“How can I know?” is trying to fill a hole that cannot be filled. God’s ways are not for us to know in and of themselves because that removes our faith if we “know”. If we know, we don’t need faith. So we shouldn’t be asking to know. Asking to know is trying to control and grasping at that which doesn’t belong to us. We can make plans, but we shouldn’t despair if they’re thwarted or changed.

“How can this be?” is a response of wonder and awe. It recognizes that God is leading us and places complete trust in His providence. This response says, “God, how will you be working miracles in this situation?” It is completely open to God’s work and not about anything we will gain, but about seeing God’s action and witnessing what He will do in and through our lives.

In my situation, in all the hardships, I was wanting to know God’s plan, and I found myself anxious, because trying to know puts you in a place where the devil can openly fling the “what if’s” at you. It’s an open doorway to the demonic to take your thoughts to the darkest places. It was draining me especially if I looked at the news in addition to my personal mountains.

But in realizing I was grasping at the wrong thing, I can be redirected. Instead, knowing all my prayer is efficacious and knowing that God loves me and my family more than I do, I can look at the mountain in front of me, and know that God will move it. I can say with wonder and awe, “how can this be? How can you move this unsurmountable mountain?” And I can be still and know that He is God and He will fight for me like a God who parts a sea when an army is chasing you. This is reliance on the supernatural when the natural human means leave you at a loss. God’s ways are not our ways and I am thankful for that.

It’s important to keep this perspective in the months ahead when we find ourselves worried and mired in details and practicality. We can do what we can do, but God, have you seen what He can do? Don’t rely on yourself and your human ways to persevere. Rely on God and his supernatural ways.

Ah Lord God! It is you who made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you. Jeremiah 32:17

Remember this and have faith. Your faith will save you.