Veil of Veronica

“Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor… Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.”
–Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

 You know my friend Eva is battling pancreatic cancer. Probably what you don’t know is that a little over a year ago Eva and her husband adopted a little boy who desperately needs his mother. By the grace of God she found him and rescued him. She wants to live for his sake. He finally has a mother who loves him, and then this diagnosis…. It is always in these moments, in the stark suffering, I question God.  Because what I want more than anything is for her to be cured.  But I know His ways are not my ways, and in the end I always ask that His will be done.

On Sunday, Eva asked openly for help, and for prayers. She asked me if I could put together a prayer service for her and ask people to come over since she was going to have Whipple on Monday for her cancer. Since it was fall break I wasn’t sure if people would come. I put the word out. And people came. We read the Gospel of Luke 8:40-56. The healing of the hemorrhaging woman who touched his cloak, and the raising of the dead girl.  We prayed over her. We sang. After it was done her husband said when this all started that he wasn’t a believer. But that the one thing that all the people who came to help had in common was a belief in Jesus Christ who went to church, and that the love we had poured out for his wife, well he wanted that, and we made him want to believe. And he thanked us. My Priest did try to come but was unfortunately stuck in a traffic jam that didn’t move. But the Body of Christ was there present. There were Baptists, Lutherans, Catholics, and others. All of us praying over her together. Each bringing something different to the table in support.

I looked around the room and felt the Holy Spirit. Eva said, there has been blessing in the cancer because her family is now closer than ever, and because we were all there. She said some things in their lives had changed for the better. Coming from a woman who vomits daily. The thankfulness was amazing. I thought, this is how it’s supposed to be. Neighbor coming together with neighbor to support one another. In that moment we’re all just human, all with the same hope. That Eva live. We prayed for the surgeons hands to guided. We also prayed for supernatural healing. We prayed the Our Father at the end, asking “Thy will be done.” When I left, I didn’t have anxiety, because all of us, we took the next right step, and spread hope to others. Jesus I trust in you. This experience has really taught me to live in the present moment and face what’s right in front of me. Knowing all the time God is holding us in the palm of His hand.

The surgery didn’t work.  They couldn’t get the cancer.  She is faced with the reality of death.  I cried and cried.  Another blogger, Charlie Johnston, reminded me that we on earth are the Church Militant.  Heaven is the Church Triumphant.  What an adept image. We are the Church Militant.  Father Z wrote on his blog;

As a Catholic who is militans, “militant”, that means that we dedicate ourselves with obedience and zeal to the role we are given in life through our calling and through our talents and good inclinations, our vocations in life.  It means that we are also prepared to fight the enemy wherever and whenever threats to the salvation of our own souls and our neighbor’s souls present themselves.  It means working together as units and not as individuals merely.   It means good conditioning and through drills in knowing well our Catholic Faith and practicing virtues and discipline in the use of the Sacraments.  It means submission to the Church’s teaching authority and her duly ordaining pastors.  It means fidelity, loyalty and even a willingness to die.

We are battling all kinds of evils here in this world.  Some caused by sickness, and others by evil hands.  Eva had the Church Militant present working together to pray for her.  We pray for her body and her soul.

For now, I will pray with zeal for a supernatural cure for her.  If in the end, God chooses that it is her time to go home, it is with hope that I look to the Church Triumphant.  That she will go to the place where there is no more suffering.  There is only perfect love.  It is in joy that I walk knowing that there is a place of perfect love.  It is in joy that I go forward to spread the love here wherever I go.

I’m not sure if by now you realize how music often touched my soul.  I leave you with a song that made me feel comforted; You make me brave by Bethel Music and Amanda Cook.

“Now someone approached him and said, “Teacher, what good must I do to gain eternal life?”He answered him, “Why do you ask me about the good? There is only One who is good.^*  If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.”He asked him, “Which ones?” And Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness;honor your father and your mother’; and ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” The young man said to him, “All of these I have observed. What do I still lack?”Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect,^* go, sell what you have and give to [the] poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions.Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 19:16-23

The above verse is from Matthew.  I always refer to it as the purgatory verse.  I have always thought, what if the rich young man had not persisted?  What if he had not said, “what do I still lack?”  He would have walked away from Jesus thinking, I am doing right.  But he did persist.  “What do I still lack?”  Jesus told him, “If you wish to be perfect,  go, sell what you have and give to [the] poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.  When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

If you wish to be perfect….

What does that mean?  The man was on a righteous path.  But Jesus pressed him when he asked.  “If you wish to be perfect…”  Most of us don’t even aspire to this.  What does it mean?

It means being detached from this world.  Desiring only God.  It is the complete straight way to heaven.  Heaven is perfect.  Nothing imperfect can be there.  He will purify us before we can be fully in his presence.  He will purify us of our attachments.  Purify, that’s what purgatory means.  What are you attached to?

I went camping this weekend.  I am attached to much.   I don’t know if I could live primitively.  I could if the only thing I was attached to was God.  All these things, they are fleeting and passing away.  Let them go.  Be attached only to God.  Be perfect.  Perfection consists in trusting God alone and letting go of the things of this world.

Depiction of St. Dominic and one of his 9 ways of Praying.

Although you have not seen him you love him; even though you do not see him now yet believe in him, you rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy, as you attain the goal of [your] faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:8-9

Ever since my period of dryness, I have felt called to penance for others.  When I saw Lough Derg in the Catholicism video by Fr. Barron, I felt inexplicably drawn to this Purgatory Island.  There was a time when I would have thought something like this was crazy, but now I feel called.  Called to offer penance for others.  But catching a plane to Ireland is not something realistic at this time in my life.

So I went to talk to my Spiritual Director.  He suggested praying the Rosary with my arms outstretched.  I thought this an impossible task.  I am out of shape.  But I went to adoration after I spoke with him, my heart felt the Lord say, “Look with eyes of faith and see beyond the veil.”

I wasn’t sure what to make of this.  When I left I cried at the thought of a Rosary with my arms outstretched.  I want to pray for others, but I am weak.  The Lord showed me a picture in my head, a picture of angels holding up my arms.  This happened on the Feast of the Guardian Angels.

I have yet to do this.  Pray for me, that it will be as I saw.  That the Angels will hold my arms.  That Penance for others unites us with Christ.  That more souls will make it to heaven.

*Update – I was able to do this, thanks be to God and His holy Angels.

painting by Kathleen Carr

“At the cross her station keeping,
Stood the mournful mother weeping,
Close to Jesus to the last.
Through her heart, his sorrow sharing,
All his bitter anguish bearing,
Now at length the sword has passed.”
(Stabat Mater)

My cousin Kathleen Carr, is almost finished with her Our Lady of Sorrows painting above. It is fitting.  I have much to pray for, as I am sure all of you do too.  Thank goodness that Jesus conquered death so that even in earthly death we know there can be life everlasting in heaven.

On Wednesday, I found out my friend, Deloras, has a returning breast cancer that has metastisized.  My other friend, Eva, has pancreatic cancer.  Both women need to be lifted in prayer.

Eva adopted an older son last year.  He finally has a mom.  Would you please pray for both these woman to be healed.  But above all pray that God’s will be done.

If any of you have a prayer request please put it in the comments and I will write it in my book and make sure to lift them all up in prayer.  Thank you.

The cross is the school of love.  – St. Maximilian Kolbe

Today is the Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross.  Our Pastor spoke today of the difference between a Cross and a Burden.

He told the story of a young girl who carried her brother who had no legs on her back. Another person asked her how she could carry that burden.  She answered, “he is not a burden, he is my brother.”

The Cross is not a burden because the cross is borne of love.  The cross is hope.  We all have a choice.  Do you look at things as a burden, or a Cross?

Today on the Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross, heed the words of Jesus;

“Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.” Matthew 16:24

Lough Derg, the sacred Sanctuary of St Patrick also known as Purgatory Island

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. Matthew 4:1

After what has happened to me I know the Lord is leading me.  But I have to be honest here, this week was extremely hard for various reasons.  I found it hard to pray.  I was even plagued with doubt.  I had physical ailments that manifested.  There was fighting in my family.  How could this be?  Lord, I am certain you are leading me.  It was with discipline that I was able to keep up prayer.  I am making a consecration to Mary.  Why are these things happening?  I sat in the chapel and poured my heart out.  Remove me from this desert Lord, I feel so dry.  Here is what He said;

Beloved,

LET GO.  You cling to too much control instead of clinging to Me.  In this things seem hard.  These things you experience, they all pass through My Hands first.  Don’t you see yet?  I am stripping you in order to build you up.  LET GO.  Trust me.  Penance, penance, penance, this is part of your purifiation.  Do what I ask, let go of the rest.

Your Abba.

“Jesus permits the spiritual combat as a purification, not as a punishment. The trial is not unto death but unto salvation.”

St. Padre Pio of Pietrelcina

I went to see my Spiritual Director today.  I made my confession.  For those sins I was shown. My Director told me to read Ephesians 6 for my penance and to do what Ephesians 6 tells me;

Finally, draw your strength from the Lord and from his mighty power.  Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil.  For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens.  Therefore, put on the armor of God, that you may be able to resist on the evil day and, having done everything, to hold your ground.  So stand fast with your loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness as a breastplate,  and your feet shod in readiness for the gospel of peace.  In all circumstances, hold faith as a shield, to quench all [the] flaming arrows of the evil one.  And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit. To that end, be watchful with all perseverance and supplication for all the holy ones.  Ephesians 6:10-18

I physically pictured myself armored for God.  Into my head popped these things; frequent confession, reception of the Eucharist, Scripture reading, adoration, the Rosary, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, the Saint Michael prayer, a St. Benedict Cross, and a Brown Scapular and my Guardian Angel.  Our armor rests in the Lord and He has given us the Bible, Prayer, Sacraments, sacramentals, Angels and Saints and each other.  I am sure there are things I haven’t named.  Which will be your armor today?  It helps us to totally abandon ourselves to the Lord.  I leave you with a song fitting for these times and for Trust in the Lord; Just be Held, by Casting Crowns.