Moses and Aaron were among his priests, Samuel also was among those who called upon his name. They called to the Lord, and he answered them. In the pillar of the cloud he spoke to them; they kept his testimonies and the statute that he gave them. O Lord our God, you answered them; you were a forgiving God to them, but an avenger of their wrongdoings, Exalt the Lord our God, and worship at his holy mountain; for the Lord our God is holy! Psalm 99:6-9
My spiritual director asked me to keep a journal. I told you about it in my previous post. My journal contains my letters to God. My director gave me an outline of how to do it. First, I must pick who I am addressing, Father, Son, or Holy Spirit, and call Him by name. I address Abba, daddy, the Father who always answers, because I am held in the palm of His hand. My director said to address myself how I would see God addressing me. I am beloved.
I write my worries, prayers and thoughts to Him. Then in the stillness I sit. The random thoughts that enter my head I record. This is not automatic writing. It is a compilation of the thoughts that pop in my head when I speak to Him. I know many of the random thoughts have come from things I have read, like Saints writings and the bible, as this is what seems to pop in my head in the stillness. I have to verify that things don’t contradict Doctrine, or the Bible, if they do they are wrong. I thought I would share with you one sampling;
July 14, 2015
Abba,
My heart hurts so deeply. Sin is everywhere. Even in me as I try to purge it. There it rests, pride, selfishness, sloth, envy, gluttony. I confess them. I feel new. But temptation creeps back. If I am so lowly and you call one as lowly as me to draw people to you, I fear greatly for the world. There is so much wickedness. The wicked wicked sin. Today a video was released showing the sale of aborted baby parts. Oh the evil. It makes me weep for the world. When will we be purged of this wickedness? I long for a time when there is no evil. I know I must first purge what is in me. Humble me and make my heart one with Jesus.
Beloved,
As you sit in this church with me there is a storm raging outside. I don’t give the peace that this world gives. My peace comes in the midst of the storm. The worldly choose the wicked and in time the hand of justice will come. My hand. My justice. But before my hand falls, my ocean of mercy must be poured out. I have been chasing every soul longing for my children to come back. My mercy is there for the taking. My servant, your Blessed Mother has extended her mantle and the time of mercy is now. My son took on all this wickedness. He is the way. He can make all things new. Do not fret. Receive my mercy and know my love.
Veil of Veronica 
I so look forward to your posting. It is worth the wait, as usual.
Let me just say thank you for now as I head out the door in a rush. I hope to comment later about the way God communicates with me.
To realize that you are beloved if God is a true blessing and the highest honor.
God’s Child
Thank you God’s Child, for always encouraging me. I always look forward to your comments!
You are an openly brave young lady. Not fearless, but courageous. You have the simple yearning to understand where God stands in the midst of this world’s tragedies. You have heard His voice and know His love.
I thought I heard his voice as a young boy…altar boy, Legion of Mary, catholic youth leader…while living in the midst of family tragedy, my mother’s abuse and early death, the unfaithful alcoholism of my father, the new age wanderings into drugs of my siblings. The ripples of these parts of my life drove me deep inside my self-protective walls…blocking me from the pain I did not deserve and away from a God and church that did not seem to care. Even after my beautiful new bride brought new life into my life, I lugged the residue of other’s failures around with me for years. My own failures even seemed sadly justified somehow.
Then in one dark hour, alone, broken and hopeless…Pentecost, 1971…God spoke these words to me,
Nothing special were you given
None the harder have you striven
Yet the Source of Satisfaction seeks your soul!
I have tears in my eyes even as I write these words. He has been true to His invitation ever since. When my own will had the foolish audacity to think that I could do anything without Him, I was allowed to fail. God has spoken to me more through my failures through my years than from any successes.
Today, in my older years, I continue to reach unapologetically for God’s hand with trust in Him like my own grandchildren confidently reach for mine, knowing that I will always…all ways…be there.
Let God speak to you, Susan, and never doubt his words. You are his Beloved
God’s Child
Tears in my eyes. Thank you for your testimony. <3.
As I sat in Our Lady’s chap yesterday…… I was aware of storm outside wwhile I was in safety of HerWomb…..fed and loved.
This post really spoke to me.
Sorry …. Chapel….. Right on Main Street of city ….. So hum of noise.
I love your description of the safety of her womb. And yes, I was in a chapel, it was literally storming outside, but it was a spiritual storm I was feeling. Thanks for your comments.
I have this feeling that your blog, and that journal especially too will be a kind of lantern in the dark for those seeking help to get to the Light. Would you consider turning that journal into a blog too to call more souls to preparedness – if your spiritual director okays it? I ask this because reading just one journal entry, I feel called to prayer.
And honestly, that does not always happen.
Just a suggestion. God bless you, Susan.
Thank you Caitlynnegrace. I would consider publishing my journal, though many entries are very personal to me, so I am not sure of publishing all of it. I will pray and I will ask my Spiritual Director what he thinks as well. I am glad you feel called to pray. Thanks for your encouragement as well because sometimes it is hard to “put it all out there.”
I was raised to believe that little things do not matter; that even prayers, acts of mercy and sacrifices needed to be huge to get God’s attention. Thankfully, God has cleared that up for me. I now understand that it’s every little thing that matters, together with the big ones. Every little thing we do to help Christ carry His Cross adds up to something meaningful.
I read somewhere recently that people were getting fed up with our Holy Father – they alleged that he always seemed to be scolding them; that they didn’t seem to be doing enough etc. The writer said it was struggle enough to work and out food on the table without having to do what the Pope was advocating – care for the poor, fight for Pro-life…
I felt sad reading that because I felt the writer and others of the same thinking completely missed his point. It was not a call to huge, grandiose acts of love/sacrifices. The answer to the call to love others lay in the little things everyone takes for granted.
That was why I felt your journal, even bits of it, would be important. And even if that is not the way to go, this blog and your truthful witness, the comments by others,…every little thing, is another back bent carrying Christ’s Cross because it brings others closer to Him and His Heart. Every little thing done out of love for God takes people away from the wrong path and into the Light – which is what you are doing in humility and obedience to God.
God bless.
Thank you again. I will definitely pray on it. I have posted two writings from it, this one, and the one called Listening in the Stillness. But you are so right that God doesn’t need grandiose things. And people do misunderstand the Pope. It’s the little acts of love that get lifted up. That’s why St. Therese and her little way helped make her a Doctor of the church. Thank you again. God Bless
@ God’s Child,
So very, very beautifully expressed.
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