And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.  Luke 22:44

I used to struggle a lot with anxiety and panic attacks and as I have grown closer to the Lord this issue subsided.  I actually no longer have panic attacks at all.  But here recently I have felt a resurgence of anxiety.  The happenings in the world are making me anxious.  It was making me feel as a failure, like I didn’t have enough trust in the Lord.  I talked to my sister and she told me I wasn’t a failure, but that I should pray for a quiet confidence in the Lord.  I actually decided to pray for a bold confidence.  And so this has been my prayer for the last week.  A prayer for bold confidence.

“Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.” Ephesians 3:12

I went to visit my sister in Charlotte for Thanksgiving.  It was peaceful and fun.  My sister and I even spent time in adoration on Friday.  The anxious feeling left me.  On the way home on November, 28, from North Carolina, I was in the passenger seat of my car.  I was listening to Abide with me by Matt Maher, and there is a line in the song about “There in the night, Gethsemane, before the Cross, before the Nails, Overwhelmed, alone you prayed.”  And I realized that Christ in His humanity felt anxiety.  Anxiety at what was coming.  And that feeling this way in no way makes you a failure;because in His anxiety at what God was asking Him to do, he was about to perform the greatest gift to all mankind.  The greatest gift of love for us baring our sins and shame.

 

I prayed for bold confidence to carry whatever Cross is ahead,that I may do it with love.  At that moment, with my eyes closed, into my head popped the brightest vision.  It was the sun shining bright, and in front of it was a Golden Cross and a Golden M.  Then I saw two beating hearts linked together.  Since I was in the car I drew a very basic drawing of what I saw (without the bright colors I saw).

I felt as though the Lord told me, “She is the Queen of peace.  Their hearts beat in unison”.  I felt very peaceful.

 

Throughout all of these prayers I pray, I feel a constant tug toward Mary.  That she is the example.  That she is where safe harbor lays.

 

It wasn’t until I got home, I realized it was the feast of St. Catherine Laboure.  And that what I saw bore a very striking resemblance to the back of the Miraculous Medal.

 

“O, Mary, conceived without sin, pray for those who have recourse to thee.”

As we await our Savior this advent season, let us remember, God is good all the time.  All the time, God is good.

 

A brief video on the story of St. Catherine Laboure can be found here.