The shoreline in Bethany Beach, DE
Mom and Dad overlooking the beach before Dad goes in for surgery.
Once the Lord said to me, Act like a beggar who does not back away when he gets more alms [than he asked for], but offers thanks the more fervently. You too, should not back away and say that you are not worthy of receiving greater graces when I give them to you. I know you are unworthy, but rejoice all the more and take as many treasures from My Heart as you can carry, for then you will please Me more. And I will tell you one more thing — take these graces not only for yourself, but also for others; that is, encourage the souls with whom you come in contact to trust in My infinite mercy. Oh, how I love those souls who have complete confidence in Me — I will do everything for them. — Diary, of St. Faustina 294
These past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. Eva couldn’t have the NanoKnife surgery because she isn’t strong enough. They want her to get stronger. In addition, my dad is having open heart surgery on Thursday. Mom is anxious. I flew up to be with them, leaving my children behind with my husband. That is also difficult as my kids are still so young. When I got to my parents house my parents and I watched Oceans of Mercy on the Formed.org website. I was struck by how these Saints (Faustina, Maximilian Kolbe and John Paul II) were kind and merciful to everyone they met, including their enemies. In fact, Maximilian would always let his picture be taken even with German soldiers. He spoke truth, which was what got him arrested and ultimately martyred, but he came to meet everyone. It’s a stark contrast to how I see people treating each other on social media. We have forgotten how to have relationship. It seems we need more Maximilian’s in this world. I am so proud that my oldest son has picked Maximilian Kolbe as his confirmation name. He said he picked him because of his story. Just when I thought we need hope in the younger generation, my own son makes me see that it is there.
I also went to see my Spiritual Director Priest before I flew up to see my parents. We talked about many things. After I left he gave me much to contemplate to ease my anxiety in these personal and global trials of our time.
My parents live in a small beach town on the Eastern shore. Though it is December I walked up to the beach to contemplate. To ask God for healing for my dad and for Eva and my friends and everyone in my prayer book. As you may know I record my conversations with God as letters. His answer back to me are the thoughts that pop in my head when I sit and listen. The following is my conversation;
I am sitting here on the shoreline and it’s a relatively warm day for December. I am staring at the beauty of your creation. The ocean and it’s waves and the sound of the waves crashing. Even as the sun beats down it hits my clear plastic Bic pen and a rainbow appears on the page. Beauty is everywhere. I came here because suffering is everywhere too. Dad has open heart surgery on Thursday. Mom is distraught. Old age is taking its toll. My friend Eva couldn’t have the NanoKnife surgery because she’s not strong enough. I don’t know what you are doing, Father, but here, in this moment, surrounded by this beauty I trust in you.
The other day while in Spiritual Direction the Priest rebuked me for sugar coating one of my sins, trying to make it sound not so bad. I realized after I left that here recently I have been trying to bring you only the good part of me. I didn’t want to show you the wretched part. The part that’s anxious and afraid and sinful. The part that fails even when I am trying. I realized that these are EXACTLY the parts I NEED to bring to you. That you do want ALL of me good and bad. I need to stop hiding and trying to control everything myself. I have known this before but life had gotten hectic and I needed the reminder. Thank You for these good Priests who can give rebuke when needed. In rebuke I can find true repentance. Hear my prayers and petitions O’Lord and take all of me, every wretched, broken, sinful last part.
I have been waiting. It seems you know but then you forget. Always come to me with everything and I will give you rest. Do not worry about your dad, your mom, Eva, or anyone else. I am holding them all. I have a plan. As time unfolds you will see. The prayers of my faithful have become fervent and are bearing fruit. Many who were lost have now been found thanks to my soldier souls on earth. Remember your weapons, the Rosary, Divine Mercy, the Angels, the Saints, the Sacramentals and especially the Sacraments. I am with you always. Do not fear. The doors of mercy have been opened.
Please pray for my dad as he has his surgery on Thursday. And as St. Faustina, St. Maximilian Kolbe and St. John Paul the great did, perform one act of mercy a day for the sake of the Love of God.