The Beheading of John the Baptist
Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. Collossians 1:24
Recently, my family and I have undergone what I would describe as intense emotional suffering. Everyday, I ask the Lord to unite my suffering with His. Then, over the last weekend in September, my husband and I were invited to a good friends wedding. I looked forward to the respite from the emotional state I was in to go out of town with my husband to witness this beautiful Sacrament.
We arrived in Indianapolis on Friday night and my husband and I went out to dinner for an uneventful evening. It was nice to spend time with my husband without the kids. I have watched him grow in holiness over the years and I love him more each day.
On Saturday morning, when I should have been preparing to get ready for the ceremony, I woke up violently ill. I was throwing up so much, I was unable to make it to the ceremony. We had to check out of the hotel, so my husband and I decided to try to get me home, a five and a half hour ride. In the car, I could not stop throwing up. I was so sick my husband pulled into an urgent care in Louisville, KY to see if they could help me. They were able to give me a shot to stop the throwing up. I was able to make it home.
I am telling you this story because something different happened to me during all of this. All I could think about was how Christ’s suffering on the Cross for us was worse than what I was going through. I decided I needed to offer this suffering up, something we often say a lot, but I’m not sure if we often mean. But I meant it from the bottom of my heart. I picked two personal intentions and offered this suffering up. I also did not snap at my husband even though my body ached and the car ride was painful. It was just a word — acceptance. Like if this is what God has allowed to be sent my way, as all that passes through His hands, than I accept it, I unite my suffering with His, and I offer it up for others. I have always been a big complainer when it came to being sick. But here this time, I did not get angry about missing the wedding or at the extraordinary circumstances I found myself in. It was just unusual for me. Now, I ask God to help me feel the same about the emotional suffering.
I recorded in my journal when I felt well enough again and was able to get to the chapel. I think it is a message for all of us, when we trust.
September 26, 2016
Do you know how much I love you? You console my heart uniting your suffering with the Cross. I say again — TRUST. My plan is greater, My humble little one. The last shall be first and the first shall be last. I AM the one who makes you worthy. I gifted My Son for this sole purpose. I know you mean the words, “Lord, I am not worthy” when you say them. It is My mercy that will bring you home, little one. You feel so small, but you have done what I asked which makes you great. Time will tell and all will be known. Do not fear. I am with you always. I love you and you are mine. You have totally surrendered your love to me. When you give me your all, I give you mine. If I AM for you, no one can be against you. Fear not. You are truly beloved.
In this time, when there is so much suffering and persecution, let us unite our sufferings with Christ in reparation. Live the Gospel. Live love.