The Swirling Confusion

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:8-18

Are you struggling out there? Finding it hard to even make decisions? If so, you are not alone. Navigating this pandemic, this pontificate, this election, it’s like being sucked into a swirling Vortex and it’s hard to see when gale force winds blow in our faces, winds that probably will pick up speed in the near future, what are we to do?

When it comes to deciphering what’s going on we can look deep into our interior. While there are many emotions within us, usually we can boil most all of it down to two things; Fear or Love. When we are making a decision we need to ask ourselves is it fear or is it love that motivates us? We must ask ourselves what love looks like.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I don’t know about you but I have seen a lot of impatience, unkindness, envy, anger, lack of trust and unforgiveness out there, and even within my own heart.

I want to tell you a story of what happened to me a few weeks ago. I was getting ready for my RCIA class. On this particular night I was the catechist, which isn’t always the case, but on this night I was the main teacher. I got a call a half hour before class that my mom had fallen and hit her head.

In the past I would have stressed out about the class, but in 2020 with all that is happening I let go of it and just placed a last minute cancellation out to the class members. The Lord is teaching me to let go of control when I have none. Any vestige of control I may think I have is surely being stripped away.

I set out to the hospital, not knowing if I would be allowed in. My mom, who has dementia, and who I have been unable to visit (which is a whole other blog post) was sent alone to the hospital. I arrived at the hospital, masked, and temperature checked by the nurse at the door. I went into the ER and asked to see my mom. I was told I was not allowed in to see her.

I will pause here and state that in the past I would have yelled at the ER attendant. I would have made a big stink and railed at the injustice of it all. I am a fighting kind of woman, that’s who I am, but the Lord whispered in my ear, “mercy” and I knew he was talking about having mercy on the worker. The policy wasn’t her doing, and who knows what she had been through that day. We have all been affected by COVID in ways we couldn’t have imagined one year ago. I just looked at her and a tear rolled down my face. She then asked me for my phone number and said she would talk to the Doctor.

I went outside and sobbed. I then looked up and saw the most breathtaking sunset I have seen in a long time and through my tears I said, “God, you are so good.” I just wanted to acknowledge the goodness of God in that moment of suffering. Because even though I was suffering, I could, in that sunset, see that He is good. It was a spiritual moment, seeing that sunset. I then began to pray the Rosary and during the second decade, the ER attendant called and the Doctor had agreed to let me in. And the Lord said, “be still, I will fight for you.” And I realized that by taking the path of mercy, instead of rage at the injustice of it, He had indeed fought for me. I visited with my mom for 3 hours in the ER. She ended up being fine. She was lucid, and we laughed and we cried and we loved. And I came home grateful.

For each one of us decisions can look different, but love breathes life, love builds relationship, love walks in mercy. Fear leads to despair.

As we sit in this storm, remember who is the keeper of the storm and keep your eyes on Him; on Love.

Painting by Akiane Kramarik

We have, in our world, lost sight of love. There is a Spirit of Rebellion and an ungodly self-reliance. I know I found myself often trying to save myself instead of letting God save me. In that one instance with my mom, I could see how the love of God can move things that seem unmovable.

Still these spirits weigh heavy, these spirits of rebellion and ungodly self-reliance. We can bind those spirits off of us. Bind the spirits of control off of ourselves. Control is a form of witchcraft, and we have seen that come out this past election cycle. We have the authority over ourselves to tell them to leave, but better yet Priests out there can bind them off their flock in their parishes, and Exorcists off of their Diocese; bind these things that blind us to love and move us to work in fear.

Rely on God. Trust in him with all your might. It is His grace you are standing in.

Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  through whom we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand; and we boast in our hope of sharing the glory of God.  And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5

About veilofveronica

I am a mother and wife as well as an RCIA and Adult Faith Formation catechist at a parish in the south. I have 3 children and a great husband.
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23 Responses to The Swirling Confusion

  1. Tanya Wersinger says:

    Thank you, and God keep you. I hope your mama is doing alright. I will pray for healing, and I am so glad you kept peaceful so God could take care of the situation. It is hard not to do anything sometimes, because we want to fix everything. Our Beloved takes care of everything, even when we interfere with controlling desires or actions. I just love you, and am grateful that you write. It helps.

  2. Terri Mohr says:

    Sent from my Samsung GALAXY S5

  3. rrprewett says:

    Wow. I needed to read this today! Thank you.

  4. Sally says:

    Beautiful. I’m so glad you got to visit with your mom. God works in mysterious ways and never how we think. 😊 when I had a five year old and a one year old years ago and I was exhausted emotionally and spiritually I begged God for a break. I just needed a break from the running, worrying, trying to be strong while my mom had cancer and my husband on the road for 2 weeks at a time. It came in the form of chicken pox. I was home for 2 weeks. God is good! I learned from that to praise Him even in what looks to be a negative, like your mom hitting her head. Thanks for sharing this Susan!

  5. STEVEN LIA says:

    Thankyou Susan, I also needed to read that post today.
    There is so much angst out there and we really do need to leave it God.
    The problem is as a man I often find it hard to step back from a situation or when I do step back, thinking I should have on second thoughts said or done this.
    God Bless

  6. Frank Gomes says:

    I truly enjoy all the articles that you post, there’s a depth of spirituality and common sense that blend into a learning experience that can be applied to our daily life, enriching our decisions through out the day with God’s perspective.

  7. Mobilemom says:

    Thank you , so much, for sharing your deepest feelings with us. I so needed to hear this as I await phone calls from estranged family members and Biden supporters.

  8. Lucy says:

    Precious Susan-

    Well, I think I will just re-post the perfect words from Frank above :

    “I truly enjoy all the articles that you post, there’s a depth of spirituality and common sense that blend into a learning experience that can be applied to our daily life, enriching our decisions through out the day with God’s perspective.”
    And we all hope to read about your mom and her dementia in a future post, as you mentioned !

    Choose the path of Mercy and not the path of Justice…
    Choose the path of Love and not the path of Fear…

    Trust in Him.
    Wait on Him.
    He will Act.

    Our God is Great and Good….ALL THE TIME !

  9. Ms. Laci Meszaros says:

    +JMJ+

    God Bless You!

    My Mom began getting dementia 11 years ago. My husband and i moved in with her – my old family home. It has been a Blessing – the Love she gave me as a child, i/we now give back to her.

    An unforeseen blessing: it has been like Noah’s Ark – keeping us away from the mounting chaos of “satan’s last stand” before the Triumph of the Immaculate Heart – our days circling around God and Mom, Prayer, Spiritual Reading, Singing religious songs, healthy eating.

    We moved in when she was 90. Yes, she turned 101 on Pentecost Sunday, and is doing great, Deo Gratias!

    Jesus and Mary, we Trust in You!

    Pax Christi!

  10. LR says:

    Thank you for this. You have actually confirmed something for me. I had a very strong thought 2 days ago while driving home in the car. I felt as if I was supposed to start telling people to take a moment to THANK our good Lord. I realized this as I was living all those emotions you describe above, but then out of nowhere I suddenly realized all these little gifts God had given me along the way. The last few years have been a rainbow of gifts both temporal and spiritual. I feel that even though what comes is going to be rough and we should still pray, I am being told, that with every disappointment, we should take a moment to remind ourselves of God’s goodness. We need to do a little EXTRA and review and meditate on how these moments for w hole and see how they may actually be conduits for God’s grace now and in the future. Nothing is wasted in God’s economy. He plays the long game. But, He is not usually thanked for His faithfulness and love, and I mean really thanked. We need to take a moment to truly THANK God. Prayers of thanks are just as powerful, maybe even more so because they are true expressions of love from us to Him.

  11. Rosanne Lyons says:

    You speak the truth. We are grateful. May Bod continue to bless you.

  12. Thanks for sharing this valuable lesson Susan! God is showing us his nearness in so many ways in these troubled times. I am trying to be more faithful and attentive. Glory!

  13. Barb Watry says:

    Thank you Susan. I need to think hard about this and learn. I am also always wanting to control how things go. Thank you for a concrete example. Love to you.

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