“The tail of the devil is functioning in the disintegration of the Catholic world. The darkness of Satan has entered and spread throughout the Catholic Church even to its summit. Apostasy, loss of faith, is spreading throughout the world and into its highest levels in the Church.” Pope Saint Paul VI

Whenever I feel anxiety or I see how out of control the world and the church seem to be, I focus on the Lord’s Passion. I do this, in part, because it is the model to show us how to deal with a crumbling world. God only let’s crumble what needs crumbling, because in the economy of Salvation He is working something bigger. It somehow gives me comfort to know that the Apostles saw their world crushed and to know the other side of that story is the joy of an Easter people.

We know that the church will follow the path of her Savior. There is a trajectory and it’s movement is so that, “they may all be one. As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they also be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.  The glory that you have given me I have given them, so that they may be one, as we are one,  I in them and you in me, that they may become completely one, so that the world may know that you have sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” (John 17:21-23).

We are meant to be one with the will of the Father. Anything that stands in the way of that needs to go.

I see we are in a place of pride. And I don’t just mean the secular, church hating, God hating, pride parades. I mean the pride within each of our hearts. The pride that makes us think we “know” when we don’t really know. The pride that makes us try to save ourselves when we have a Savior who yearns for us to console Him by resting in His bosom.

I have a friend who says that he was told that Satan would cloud the minds of even the best men. I believe this to be true. I think actually it is scriptural.

For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. Matthew 24:24

My take on this scripture from Matthew may be slightly different than what people have had in mind. I often think the false messiahs and false prophets are actually referring to oneself. It is true that in these times many people are hearing the Lord speak to them, sometimes in big and miraculous ways. But due to a lack of discernment and spiritual maturity they trust themselves more than the Good Lord. They are their own messiah. I have seen scorched earth as a result of this in the way they treat others. I have seen this among those who consider themselves most faithful. This isn’t something relegated just to the secular God-haters. They become blinded by pride unable to see their own false perspective that is based on a skewed vision. While their may be some truth, their view of it is clouded. Division, grudges and inability to sit work out a problem in a Christian fashion. It is why all things must be tested. Now I don’t believe for a second that the Lord would let these souls lose their salvation, but I do believe He may let their minds be clouded over so as to expose their pride. For it is only in the exposure of the pride that the Lord can clear it out. A great humbling can take place. In the great humbling a true surrender happens and God can display His glory. We will all be humbled.

I believe this because I have seen how my own pride can get in the way of things. I pray for 360 degree vision and I often check myself with others and with my Spiritual Director so as not to stray far off course. I also believe this because I was reading the Gospel of John and I pondered what an absolute mess Peter is. His construct of who Jesus was is based on a formulation of his own pride. Even though Jesus told him what would happen Peter is seen in the Gospels tempting Jesus away from the plan (Mark 8:33) and wielding his sword to protect the Messiah (John 18:10) who didn’t want protecting, but only wanted to do the will of the Father. And yet, Peter is still chosen to be the earthly authority. Jesus just had to expose and break down his construct of pride in order to raise him up. Peter’s mind was clouded over with his own vision. Peter is not someone I would have chosen. Thank God I am not God.

Which brings me to a section of John chapter 18. The translation I used for this is the NRSVUE which is supposed to be a fairly strict translation of the original language. And I believe as tradition has often taught that the “beloved disciple” and the “other disciple” is John the Evangelist. So with that in mind, I want you to recall that this is the chapter in John where Peter denies Jesus.

Simon Peter and another disciple followed Jesus. Since that disciple was known to the high priest, he went with Jesus into the courtyard of the high priest,  but Peter was standing outside at the gate. So the other disciple, who was known to the high priest, went out, spoke to the woman who guarded the gate, and brought Peter in. The woman said to Peter, “You are not also one of this man’s disciples, are you?” He said, “I am not.” Now the slaves and the police had made a charcoal fire because it was cold, and they were standing around it and warming themselves. Peter also was standing with them and warming himself. John 18:15-18

I see this courtyard as an entrance into the heart of Jesus Himself who is about to take on all of our judgment. Notice Peter is “outside the gate”, that is to say, distant from Jesus. The “other disciple” is “inside the gate” and the gate is guarded by a woman. I see here that the “other disciple”, John, intercedes for Peter and speaks to the woman who “guarded the gate”. The imagery that comes to mind for me is John as the archetype for the Priesthood, and the woman represents the church through whom Salvation comes.

Basing itself on Scripture and Tradition, the Council teaches that the Church, a pilgrim now on earth, is necessary for salvation: the one Christ is the mediator and the way of salvation; he is present to us in his body which is the Church ccc 846

The Priest, through the church, intercedes for all of us bringing us closer to Christ. Notice too that the “woman” asks Peter if he is one of Jesus’s disciples. He is asked to make a Profession of Faith. But instead he denies it, which places him with the slaves and police. He is attempting at this point to save Himself. Though he is afraid, it is pride that ultimately makes us think we can save ourselves. And yet, in all of this, he is still now, inside the gate, closer to Jesus because of John’s intercession. Think of what that means when a Priest intercedes for his people. After his thrice denial the cock crows and Peter weeps. The construct he had in his head totally crumbles. Nothing is as Peter thought it would be. It is here that his vision clears. But Peter is left a very broken man. He probably feels as though he has been standing on sand.

Later, after the Resurrection, we see Peter go back to his old name. He goes back to his old profession. When he is in the boat with the other disciples, we see again John intercede to let Peter know who Jesus is.

He said to them, “Cast the net to the right side of the boat, and you will find some.” So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in because there were so many fish.  That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he had taken it off, and jumped into the sea. John 21:6-7

I would venture to say, this is essentially the Baptism of Peter. Notice he puts on his outer garment. Our outer garment prior to our baptism is soiled, it is only after we are washed in the water that the Spirit fills us and we can put on the outer garment of purity given by God. Peter dives in the water and swims to the Lord.

Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. John 3:5

The church and her Sacraments are woven throughout this Gospel because that’s where we receive our sanctifying grace.

We next see Peter hurry toward mercy and get totally real with Jesus. The thrice exchange of “do you love me?” takes place. In a previous post, I spoke of how Jesus used the word agape the first two times, which hurt Peter. Agape is a divine love. Peter humbly admits he isn’t there yet. Jesus meets him where he is. This is a totally broken down Peter. One who is sorry, who runs towards mercy, and who admits all that is going on inside of him; Heart to heart, finally. Jesus can really work with this. There is no pretending in this situation. I do believe Jesus saw the gift of leadership in Peter, but it was Peter’s return to mercy that made Jesus elevate Him. Authority borne from humility is a divine gift. Jesus has taken the sand that Peter had been standing on and turns him into the Rock at Pentecost, but only after the false foundation of what he had believed was revealed.

In this scenario, it is John who really is the only one who “saw”. The others may have thought they did, after all they spent three years with Jesus. But they all ran and hid when it came down to the unveiling of the plan. I think to the extent of the Pride we have, even if we love God, we hide and our minds get clouded. John had no pride, he was resting in the Lord’s bosom, this enabled him to see. The others, including Peter, were dealt with according to their pride. Allowed to not see for a time – think of Thomas. But in God allowing this, it was all worked for their good because he broke them down to total surrender.

I tell you all this because we all need to be careful of our own pride. Pride causes division and makes you unable to see. We are in the middle of a great storm and a cloudy mind will bring a hard fall. We need to recognize that God is God and we are not. The most we can offer him is merely a grain of sand. This grain of sand can be used by God to build cement hard rock, or if we are fixated on our own grain of sand, then when the Lord’s plan shows up we will feel buried in a sinkhole. But if we keep our eyes on Christ we will see the glorious lighthouse and beach the Lord is building and we will trust in the middle of the unknown.

An examination of your thoughts can let you know where your pride lay. If you always have thoughts of how something will benefit you, or you cannot admit your part in wrong doing, or you harbor malice in your heart towards another, this is where God wants to work on you. It’s a difficult thing but true purity of heart wills for all to make it to heaven. We need to pray for a God’s eye view. It is impossible to have this view without sanctifying grace which elevates a soul above evil. We need to only worry about pleasing God alone. God is building His Kingdom, let Him do it, so we can one day be with Him in perfect glory.