An Infusion of Grace

Posted on April 26, 2016 by veilofveronica

three-crosses-1024x890

God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble — James 4:6 

In the weeks and months following Veronica’s murder, I was in constant prayer.  Constant conversation with God.  God showed me my own soul.  I was ashamed at how loosely I applied the law to myself all the while applying it very strictly to others.  I had everything backwards.  My soul was illuminated, so to speak.  I began to pull the planks out of my own eyes.  In doing so, my blindness was lifted and I was able to look at my fellow human beings in a new light.  I was able to see what I think God had in mind when He left us the rules for a way of living.  I have never really been able to express in words what happened to me, other than an infusion of grace in a time of suffering.  In two words it was joy and it was sorrow.

For the first time in my life I felt an inexplicable inner peace.  I felt completely wrapped in the love of God.  I KNEW He loved me.  It made me excited to get up and start the day.  It made me thankful for my husband, my children, my home, and my friends.  But it was also very, very humbling.  I realized how many times in my life I had argued with people to be right, and never thought about loving them.  I realized how often I only thought of myself never giving a thought to other people and how my actions may affect them.  I looked at them with strict glasses of legalism and missed the opportunity to love them properly.

In my grief over Veronica I truly looked at people differently.  I truly wanted love for them.  I wanted to see their humanness and not their sin.  When I did see sin (including my own), what I felt inside can only be inadequately explained as SORROW.  It was as if I could see them (and myself) rejecting God after being shown how much He chases after us with love.

I thought of Jesus in Gethsemane.  It is said His sweating of blood wasn’t because of His impending crucifixion but because of His seeing all the sin of humanity.  Utter sorrow.  Love was there to embrace us and empty Himself totally for us and we continually reject it by choosing selfishness instead of love.   The two thieves on the cross both recognized Him, but only one humbled Himself and was promised heaven.  The other just wanted Jesus to get him down, rejecting the love that was pouring out on the cross for him.  The example of these two thieves made me understand why there are times we should not receive communion.  We are all sinners, but many reject what the Lord taught us and receive in pride, thinking we are right, all the while we are just bringing judgement on ourselves.  “ For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves.”  (1 Corinthians 11:29.)  Both men on the cross next to Jesus were sinners, but one, in the pride of His sin, rejected love, and brought judgement on himself.  The other recognized his sin and humbled Himself before Our Lord, bringing him the joy of heaven.  Thank God for confession.

One night after feeling this joy like never before I went to bed and felt this inside, “Lord, even if you take everything from me, all was yours to begin with.  Every breath begins and ends with you, and in my nothingness all will still be well as long as I have you.”  An infusion of grace.

I could drive down the street and have a fellow human being cut me off and flip me the bird and I would pray for blessing on that person.  I would pray that they would know the love of God.  I would feel sorrowful that they may not yet know the love of God because when you do, you really try your best to stop acting that way.

At some point I lost the continual sense of peace and joy.  It is the memory of this infusion of grace that keeps me in constant contact and prayer with my Lord.  When I come across people now, I try to receive them without judgement and just listen to their story.  If I can listen, and hear their suffering, perhaps I can walk with them to the very intimate meeting with Jesus Christ that can transform their lives the way He transformed mine.  I am so far from perfect, I am a mess actually, but I am clear that I am called to love.  I am called to be a Saint and I am not embarrassed to say it.  My job on this earth is to get to heaven and help my fellow human beings get there too.  I can only hope that one day I will meet our Lord and hear, “well done, good and faithful servant.”  Until then may God pour grace and blessing over each and every one of you.

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My story – audio

Posted on April 18, 2016 by veilofveronica

Fort Granger4

I posted this once before, but I am re-posting for anyone who wants to listen.  This is my story.  Audio only.  Click this link.

 

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The God Paradox – A beautiful Tension

Posted on April 13, 2016 by veilofveronica

Butterfly Nebula

The Butterfly Nebula, taken by the Hubble Space Telescope.

(The Butterfly is a symbol of the Resurrection)

“Thus says the LORD, your redeemer, who formed you from the womb: I am the LORD, who made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, I spread out the earth by myself.” Isaiah 44:24

He is both charity and judgement.

He is mercy and justice.

He is love and law.

He is infinite and became finite taking on the form of a human.

He is the King of Kings who entered the world as the smallest of the small in a manger.

He is beyond the horizon and totally intimate.

He is the All in All who emptied Himself to nothing on the Cross.

He is abundance and poverty.

He is human and divine.

He IS.

Why is the path of love so narrow and yet so abundant?  “Enter through the narrow gate.  For wide is the is the gate that leads to destruction, and many enter through.  But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matthew 7:13

The path of love gives abundance but is narrow because of the beautiful tension of God.  Those who immerse themselves in the Divine Will walk a tight rope poured over by grace that reveals the love of God as revealed in the law.  The love and the law in union together.  In following the law as a response to God’s call to us, we empty ourselves, fill up with God, and become more of who we are supposed to be.  A beautiful tension of the emptying of self will, the filling of God’s will, and, as St. Catherine of Siena says,  “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.”

The law was given to us by God to show us the path to happiness and holiness.  But as St. Paul says, “If I speak in tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” 1:Corinthians 13:1

If we spend our time in the law shooting poison arrows of judgement at the souls of others, without examining ourselves, we have not love.

On the other hand, if we disregard the law, saying we are doing it in the name of love, we reject what Christ Himself said, “Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.” Matthew 5:17

The law was written on our hearts by the love of God, and when we fill ourselves with the Divine Will the law helps us find true freedom, which is Jesus Himself.   Our response to God’s loving gift should be to apply this law to ourselves, taking the narrow path.  When we do this we walk in joy, peace, and bold confidence, knowing that God has filled the hole in our hearts to make us the best possible person we can be.  Others take notice, and are drawn in because they recognize beauty and joy. “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.” John 14:23

Live the beautiful tension of love and law.  Take the narrow road.  Christ will fill you with His Divine Will.

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Be in Communion

Posted on April 11, 2016 by veilofveronica

our lady of guadelupe by octavio ocampo

Our Lady of Guadalupe by Octavio Ocampo

“My sheep hear my voice; I know them, and they follow me.  I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish. No one can take them out of my hand.  My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one can take them out of the Father’s hand.  The Father and I are one.” John 10:27-30

I have always loved this image of Our Lady of Guadalupe by Octavio Ocampo.  You can see all the people in the image, even down to her eyelids where you can see a sombrero on a man.  All of us together as one, with Our Lady who looks down indicating, there is one greater than I. All of us in communion with Him.

The other day I received a message from a Protestant brother telling me that we Catholics should realize that Jesus is first and not Mary.  I had to sigh.  I know he meant well, but what he doesn’t seem to understand is that we Catholics do put Jesus first.  In fact, we Catholics have the Doctrine of the Trinity.  God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, who we look to.  They are the ultimate union.  Three in one.  A mystery and a beauty.  And we Catholics are called to that union.  1 Corinthians 1:30 tells us, “It is due to him that you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, as well as righteousness, sanctification, and redemption.”  

We are called to be united with Him.  All of us together.  Not just Jesus and I alone, though we must have a personal relationship with Him, but when we do have this relationship, it calls us to unity with each other together.  The Communion of Saints.  Those who have died before us, and those here on earth.  The Church Militant, Suffering, and Triumphant.

And as for Mary, as Father Michael Gaitley says (paraphrasing), “If God Himself could choose Mary as the point through which He entrusted Himself to enter this earth, then why can’t we entrust ourselves to Mary as God Himself did.” (from The One Thing Is Three).

When we seek communion with that which is created by God, we are not worshiping the creature, we are worshiping as God Himself asked us to, with each other.  “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:20

We know that there is life after earthly death, so with those in heaven we should unite, and with those who are here with us now. We are not meant to go it alone, we are meant to be in communion.  What each of us wants is love.  The Trinity is Love.  And we are made in the image and likeness of that Love. His love for us is self giving, and we in turn, emulating our Lord, should take that self giving out into the world to others, to love.

In prayer of late, I have been picturing this;

communion cross with sun

 

It is similar to the back of the Miraculous Medal, but our God, who created the sun and the moon and all of creation sent his Son Jesus to us.  The heart of Jesus is in union with the heart of His Mother, because she is in union with the Divine will.  Also, I see the Anchor which I wrote about here.  I see the church as our Anchor because it was founded by Christ.  I see Mary as our mother, in communion with the Divine will, in communion with creation.  All of this brought about by love.  Be in communion.

“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

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EVA’S CANCER IS NOT THERE

Posted on March 29, 2016 by veilofveronica

Video From Eva  

 

Eva had this to say; “Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer GONE without any treatment or explanation!!! I have had chemo and radiation before but since the last CAT Scan and PET scan that showed active cancer, I have had no treatment whatsoever and it miraculously disappeared. ONLY a miracle could explain what happened, in my opinion.”

Everyone who prayed for her, thank you, thank you.

eva's scans

 

risen

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Anchor yourself

Posted on March 8, 2016 by veilofveronica

st. clement

The forth Pope St. Clement

mariner's cross

Mariner’s Cross also know as St. Clement’s Cross

 

“So when God wanted to give the heirs of his promise an even clearer demonstration of the immutability of his purpose, he intervened with an oath,so that by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge might be strongly encouraged to hold fast to the hope that lies before us.  This we have as an anchor of the soul, sure and firm, which reaches into the interior behind the veil, where Jesus has entered on our behalf as forerunner, becoming high priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek.” Hebrews 6:17-20

In my prayer of late, the Anchor keeps coming to me.  Now, I have always known that the anchor is a symbol of hope.  But what I didn’t know was that the anchor was often used as a symbol in early Christianity.  An Anchor represents safety.  As I pray, I know our safety lies with the Barque of Peter, Our Lord Jesus Christ and His Mother.  Anchor yourself there.

As I began to read more, I found out Pope St. Clement, the 4th Pope, who was ordained a Bishop by Peter himself, was also associated with the Anchor.  He lived at a time of great persecution of the church.  He was martyred under Emperor Trajan, and it is said that an anchor was tied around him and he was thrown into the sea for not renouncing Christianity.

He was recorded as teaching, “We must, look upon all the things of this world, as none of ours, and not desire them. This world and that to come are two enemies. We cannot, therefore, be friends to both; but we must resolve which we would forsake, and which we would enjoy. And we think, that it is better to hate the present things, as little, short-lived, and corruptible; and to love those which are to come, which are truly good and incorruptible. Let us contend with all earnestness, knowing that we are now called to the combat. Let us run in the straight road, the race that is incorruptible. This is what Christ saith: keep your bodies pure and your souls without spot, that ye may receive eternal life.”  (Taken from Vol. III of “The Lives or the Fathers, Martyrs and Other Principal Saints” by the Rev. Alban Butler.)

In this time of persecution, where sisters are murdered caring for the elderly, we must remember as Clement did to Anchor ourselves to Christ and His church.  The Anchor of the church is where hope and safe harbor lay.

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I Went Shopping for a Coffin

Posted on February 25, 2016 by veilofveronica

mysteries_agonia

Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.  Mark 14:34

Those of you who have followed my blog know that my friend Eva has pancreatic cancer.   This journey for her has been a roller coaster ride.  A back and forth from hope to despair to hope again.  The pain and suffering she has endured has been immense.  Through it all, she has tried to remain positive, yet realistic, and she continues to have hope for her future.

For those who know her, she is a lively, outgoing, funny person.  She is caring and giving. Being around someone in so much physical pain is hard for some people, but Eva always manages to put people at ease.  She is very open and honest, actually graceful about what she is going through.  She’s not perfect, none of us are, but she is a light in a world of darkness.

Back in January, faced with the then diagnosis that there were no options left for her, she called and asked me if I could help plan her funeral.  She said it was too much to bear for her husband, he just couldn’t.  Of course I said yes, I didn’t want her to go alone.  She was grateful for the opportunity to plan what she wanted, to let us know how she wanted her life celebrated. Most of us try to spend our time not thinking about these things, but she didn’t want to burden her husband in his grief should she die.  She wanted him to know what to do.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I have never shopped for a coffin or anything like that.  Every funeral I have been to was planned by someone else.  I was apprehensive at first, but as soon as I picked her up, I was put at ease.  We laughed and joked the whole way to the funeral home.

When we got there, the sales agent was kind and gracious.  I think he wasn’t quite used to an alive person planning their own funeral.  And she is very much alive.  Living more fully than some non-sick people I know.

We were a little overwhelmed by all the choices.  Eva picked out the things she liked, and the sales agent and I recorded them.  She even climbed into the coffin and had me take a picture.  That did not sit well with some who saw the picture, but she meant no harm.  We were joking and laughing, all the while I was weeping inside.  We all have to face our own mortality someday, Eva is just open and honest about it.

creamation.jpg

Eva loved this crystal remembrance that can have ashes inside of it should one choose creamation.

Since that time she has had more of a roller coaster of hope and despair and hope again. She said the Cancer treatment centers of America were amazing.  She was treated like a queen instead of a number.  They performed a nerve block to help stop her pain, though complications have left fluid on her spine, which is also painful.  She says she has met so many amazing people along the way who have been so kind and loving.

As for her current situation, she at first was told  a couple of months ago, there was concern about her being strong enough and the scans weren’t clear enough for a Nano-knife procedure, but now with new scans it is able to be done.  The Nano-knife blasts electricity into her tumor and destroys it.  It has had much success.  But since it is still considered experimental, her insurance has now decided to deny it.  So it is now that she is left in the position of asking for help financially.  I hate asking people for money, but I will ask for her sake.  If you feel so inclined, please consider a donation.  If not, please continue to pray for her and consider sharing the link.  Thank you to all who have already donated.

Eva, I believe, has always been a beautiful woman.

eva

She is even more beautiful now as she has grown closer to the Lord, trusting in him, and bringing our community together in prayer.  She has said she is grateful for her cancer because it changed her and her families priorities and brought her back to God.

me and eva.jpg

As we delve deeper into this Lenten season, let us always remember, hope is still here. Hope is in Christ, both here and in the life to come.  I believe Eva is here still because of your prayer and her love for her family.  Keep up the prayers.  God Bless you all.  You all know I love music, so I leave you with this beautiful song by Audrey Assad.

-xoxo

Susan

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Unfathomable Mercy

Posted on February 12, 2016 by veilofveronica

Mary Magdelene the Penitent

Mary Magdalene the Penitent – who received God’s mercy – painted by my cousin  Kathleen Carr

“Let the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy. My daughter, write about My mercy towards tormented souls.  Souls that make an appeal to My mercy delight Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy. Write: before I come as a just Judge, I first open wide the door of My mercy. He who refuses to pass through the door of My mercy must pass through the door of My justice…” (Diary, 1146)

 

Sorry it’s been awhile since I have posted anything.  The past few weeks have been difficult.  In three weeks time my friends or myself have been touched by 4 suicides, one of which touched our family very personally.  I have seen a lot of despair.  I have also seen division.  I was unsettled, as I remember having a dream relating to suicide a few months back.  I know now, more than ever, our mission, as faithful is to spread hope because our God is a God of hope.  In the midst of all this, I have also seen good.  People coming together in prayer.  I have found this period of time difficult, yet I remain steadfast to stay faithful.  If you find yourself in despair, please ask God to bind up that spirit of despair and cast it out.  Go to confession.  Offer your sins to Jesus asking forgiveness.  Spread hope to others.

I believe it was meant to be that just before all of this happened, I watched a Divine Mercy 101 DVD with Fr. Chris Alar.  As I sat and pondered these suicides, feeling helpless and worried for souls, I remembered that Fr. Alar had said (paraphrasing), if you say a Divine Mercy Chaplet today for someone who has died in the past, the graces from your prayer today, because God is outside of time, are taken to your loved one at the time of their judgement. In other words, God could for see that you would say the prayer for the loved one and then apply that grace for them when they die. Our God is that merciful.  Unfathomable mercy.  Pray the chaplet, our prayers do have power.

I took all of this in and went to the 24 hour Adoration Chapel nearby.  I recorded what popped into my head as God speaking to me, I will relay only part of it here;

 

Written 1-30-16

Beloved,

The biggest mistake you all make is thinking the devil is not real.  He spreads lies and confusion.  Wreaking havoc.  This is free will’s choices.  You have to choose to love and choose the good.  I have given you the tools.  Silence the noise and the veil is lifted.  I am available to all.  Seek refuse in Mary, the perfect example.  Satan is trying to cause division in this time and has succeeded more than any other time.  Making you think you are almighty gods of yourselves.  You CAN have Divine Life.  I want to share it with you.  But it comes in being contrary to the world and being in union with the Trinity -> the ultimate goal.  Communion, not division.

Invoke your angels.  St. Michael will defend you in battle.  Be present and don’t worry about the future.  I am already there.

Divine Mercy – pray for it.  Mercy is pouring out.  Pray the Rosary.  Do penance.  Small mortification to prepare.  The Battle Cry, “Who is like God?”  The answer, no one.  My promise is true.  The gates of hell shall not prevail.  You have no idea of my love or of my ways.  Things aren’t always what they seem.  Penance.  Repent, Confess, Reparation.

-Your Abba

In the days and months to come, remember to love.  People are angry, and you may be angry, you may be justified to be angry, a righteous anger, but don’t let that hold you back from love.  Reach out to the suffering.  Bring hope to your fellow man.  Don’t answer wrath with wrath, answer it with love.  Pray for your enemies, and most of all, pray for those who have lost hope.

P.S. Continue to pray for Eva.  She was able to have a nerve block to help her pain, but the tumor is still there, wrapped around a main artery.  She suffers a lot, but remains in hope.

 

 

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God is Love

Posted on January 16, 2016 by veilofveronica

blessed mother teresa

 

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” – Blessed Mother Teresa

 

I was reading the other day that Richard Dawkins, famed atheist and scientist said the best argument for God is a, “deistic God, who had something to do with the fine tuning of the universe,”

He says it’s a weak argument.  That is one point where I would agree with him.  Deism is defined as, “a movement or system of thought advocating natural religion, emphasizing morality, and in the 18th century denying the interference of the Creator with the laws of the universe.”

I don’t believe in a God like that.  My God is intimate and loves me deeply and cares about my life.  My God is involved.

Now, I am no scientist and I know that I am no match in arguing with the intellectuals (who can make a God of their intellectualism), but I know a very personal God.   I also know there have been millions of others throughout time who have as well.  1 John 4:16 tells us, “We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.”

Science cannot quantify love.  Love makes people do things that are not logical or reasonable all the time.

People who have sat in the still and the quiet and have had an encounter with the Living God have transformed their lives and done things that to others defy logic and reason.  God’s love is that powerful.

St. Francis lived love and defied reason when he encountered the living God.  He renounced his wealth and went to live among the lepers, and rebuilt the church, both literally and figuratively.

Blessed Mother Teresa heard the call of love by God when she left the comfort of her convent and went into the streets of Calcutta.

St. Gianna Molla heard the call of love of God when she chose the option of saving the life of her unborn child over her own welfare.

St. Maria Goretti heard the call of love when she forgave her attacker, Alessandro Serenelli, and his life was later transformed by her act of forgiveness.

These people heard an interior call from God, an intimate and personal God.  A God who Himself, entrusted Himself to a woman named Mary as his entrance point to this earth.  And Mary, who because of her encounter with God gave an unequivocal “yes.”

Our God took on our human limitation out of Love and gave His life for us.  It is about sacrifice for others.

I have encountered this God personally.  His name is Jesus Christ.

Mr. Dawkins might say we are delusional.  But for 2,000 years people have changed the life they were living because of this personal encounter.  And once they changed, they felt free, they felt loved, and they lived love.

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The Saints walk with us

Posted on January 9, 2016 by veilofveronica

Louis-Zelie+Martin

“God gave me a father and a mother more worthy of heaven than of earth.”

– St. Therese of Lisieux

As I mentioned in my last post I spent the better part of the holidays watching movies about Saints.  I know that is what we are all called to be, that our ultimate goal is heaven, so I thought it would be good to see how these Saints lived their lives.  Upon reflecting on their stories it occurred to me that most of them were Priests or Sisters.  St. Rita was married and had children, but it seemed her total abandonment to God came after their deaths, though she was a faithful wife and mother in very difficult circumstances, and of course after their deaths she became a Sister.

I was mentioning this to my Spiritual Director.  That it somehow seemed harder to become a Saint when you live in the secular world and not within the confines of the convent or monastery or church.  He agreed that it probably was harder because quiet is necessary to hear God and that quiet is part of the Consecrated life.  Families don’t always necessarily get that if they don’t make time.  But we know there are married Saints, so it can be done.

Then he gave me my assignment.  He gave me a list of Saints.  These are companion Saints for the year.  He said to print the list out.  Cut them into strips, so there is only one Saint for each strip, and put them in a bowl. Then gather my family and have each member pick a name.  He told me, we are not really picking them, they are picking us.  He said we may not know the reason right away why we picked them, but once we read their story and pray the intention at the bottom of the paper we would soon know.

It was 18 pages of Saint names.  It took a lot of cutting.  My son helped fold them up.  We gathered around the table and picked names.  My oldest son picked, St. Damien of Molokai with the intention to pray for the holiness and perseverance of priests and religious in the missions.  My middle son picked St. Dismas with the intention of praying for the conversion of criminals.  I found it interesting that one son will be praying for Priests and one for criminals.  My daughter picked Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati with the intention of praying for the youth and those who want to commit suicide.  My husband picked St. John Neumann with the intention to pray for teachers, catechists, and all entrusted with the instruction of children. (Since I am a catechist, I am happy he will be praying for me!)

As I reached in, wondering who would pick me, I grabbed Blessed Louis and Zelie Martin with the intention to pray that holiness may be born in families.  I didn’t need to wait to know why they picked me.  God was answering my lament directly.  It can be done, Susan, here let me show you who will walk with you this year, parents of children, just like you.  And so my year with Louis and Zellie begins.  God will show me the fruit of this walk I am sure.

God Bless each and everyone of you this year.

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