What I am Giving up for Lent

Posted on March 4, 2014 by veilofveronica

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?  Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin.  But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them.  If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’ All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.”  Matthew 6:25-34

I am constantly amazed at the awe inspiring creations God has made.  I love to be out in nature.  When I look up at the sky at night, or at the birds in the trees outside my bedroom window, I can stare for a long time with wonder at the beauty.   Sometimes though, after watching the news, it is humankind that makes me depressed.  But then, I will come across something, something that causes me to look at a human being with the same awe and wonder that I can look at the other things in nature and see.

The other day a my friend, sent me this link.  It is a short clip, and the woman, Kelly McGonigal, is not talking about God.  But boy, do I see God’s handiwork in what she is saying.  For years we all thought stress was bad for us.  But this new study turns that idea on its head.  It turns out that it is how we view stress that can make us sick.  And by viewing stress as a positive thing, we can actually make our hearts healthier.  She goes on to say that if you help other people you are supporting your cardiovascular system.   I was dumbfounded.  When we help other people we make our own hearts healthier.  If you don’t see God’s handwriting all over that, I don’t know what would make you see it.

I immediately thought of the verse above, the one from Matthew that tells us not to worry.  He really is holding us in the palm of his hand!   He takes care of the birds and they have no plan, yet how much more important are we?  You see, He really did design you in His image and likeness.  Worry is a negative way of viewing stress, but when we change that to a positive, everything changes.  When we trust God, and when we do what is imprinted by Him into our hearts, help and love others, we are glorifying this human body that He gave us, making ourselves physically healthier.

I think this Lent I am going to do something that my neighbor Mitzi told me she did.  I am going to give up worry.  Before you laugh out loud, Mitzi gave me a plan.  She told me for every anxious thought I have, I should stop and say, “what can I control in this situation?”  And if there is something I can do, then I should do it.  But if there is not anything I can do, I should offer that worry or anxiety to God and let it go.  Mitzi did it for Lent a couple of years back.  She said it was the hardest thing she had ever done.  I believe her.  But as I have stated before, God keeps asking me, “Do you trust me or not?”  And every day, I want my answer to be, “YES”!  I can’t think of a better way to do that then to give up worry for Lent.  Pray for me ya’ll.  I know this will be hard.  But I believe my spirit, and my physical heart will be healthier for it.  And I believe this is what God has always intended for us.

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The Trinity and the Family

Posted on February 19, 2014 by veilofveronica

“Then God said: Let us make human beings in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the tame animals, all the wild animals, and all the creatures that crawl on the earth.”  Genesis 1:26

I teach a RCIA class for children at my church.  One day a child, maybe 11 or 12 years old, asked about the above quote from the bible.  He asked, “why does God say, ‘Let US’ and ‘OUR image‘, why is God using a plural if this is the beginning?”  A very astute question, and I myself had never given it much thought, but I answered what I thought deep down to be true.  I told him though I wasn’t sure, and I would look it up, that I thought it was a foreshadowing of the Trinity.  That Jesus was there in the beginning, though He had not yet come to earth but He was there since the beginning.

I came home after class and looked it up, my gut had been correct.  This was a foreshadowing of the Trinity.  This got me thinking.  I am no deep theologian and sometimes when I read and try to educate myself, honestly I think my head might explode.  Some of the deep theology and the intellect of the Fathers of the Church, makes me feel inadequate.  But then, as if somehow God knows my feelings, He gives me a simplistic thought.  That passage where God is speaking in the plural, foreshadowing the Trinity, He is talking about how He made us in their image and likeness.  I remembered how St. Patrick had used the image of the clover to show the three leaves on one clover.  But I thought of another, even more powerful image, a place where three become one right here on earth – the family.  A man and a woman in marriage together with God create a new life.  The child proceeds from the Father and Mother.  Three persons become one family.  This was an amazing revelation to me.  It turns out this was Catholic Teaching all along.   Though nothing can truly explain the mystery of the Trinity, the family is one place the Church looks.  What a gift the Church’s teachings are, if only we would take the time to find out.

Goodness me I thought, the family unit, now that is really where the Image and Likeness of God is imprinted.  When a husband and wife invite God into their marriage, it is a Sacramental marriage of three, God, husband and wife.  From the love of a Husband and Wife springs children.  When we invite God into our family, His image is imprinted there just as it is imprinted on each one of us.  To further the realization of the importance of family, I began to look through the bible and realized how it lists the Genealogy of people throughout.  Jesus Himself has His genealogy listed in the Gospel of Matthew and the Gospel of Luke.  As if to tell us, it is important where you came from!  These people in these families, they made up a nation – The nation of Israel.  A nation can be great when its families are great.  When the family deteriorates so too does the community.  When the community deteriorates, the nation can too.  As Pope John Paul II stated in his homily on November 30, 1980, “The family is the ‘first and vital cell of society’.  In its own way it is a living image and historical representation of the mystery of the Church.  The future of the world and of the Church, therefore, passes through the family.”

The family can be something sacred, something wonderful, but we human beings have a way of making a mess of things, my own family included.   If only we realized the beauty of what God has in store for us when we invite Him in.  I would say that the Cure d’ars, St. John Vianney, realized the importance of the family.  During his first few weeks in Ars he spent time visiting with each of the sixty families in his parish.  He was making an assessment of his parish by starting at the family level.  By focusing on the family, praying, and fasting, St. John Vianney was able over time to rid Ars of all taverns which he said, “steal the bread of poor women and children by selling wine to drunkards.”  That may sound harsh, but within 20 years the taverns in Ars closed and do you know what else went away?  Destitution and poverty went away in Ars.  St. John Vianney suffered tremendously, but he through the Grace of God, transformed his community by helping the people there love and sacrifice for one another instead of giving into selfish desires.  He encouraged confession and spent hours every day helping his community, helping families rid themselves of vices so their lives would be better.  People came from all around to see this holy man.  A man who started by visiting each family.

Now, I already realized the importance of my own family, how much I loved them, but I don’t think I ever realized the impact the family has on all of society.  We need to build up the family.  Support the family.  When we do this the Image of God shines through for all to see.  We must try to burn our selfishness away and sacrifice and serve one another, starting with the people in our own homes.  Look around at the people in your home in thanksgiving, not bitterness.

When I was growing up my dad used to say to me, “The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother.”  I believe that.  I was blessed to have that.  I know not everyone was.  All I can say is love your family.  Sacrifice for your family. The love that you give there can spread to the rest of society.  Children should be seen as gifts and not burdens.  Families should be a place where love is seen openly. If you have a broken family, forgive, heal, and love your family where they are now.  See the image of God in your family.

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Practice what you Preach

Posted on February 3, 2014 by veilofveronica

“Why do you not practice what you preach?” -St. Jerome

My birthday was a week or so ago.  I have hit the age where my arms are not long enough to make the words I try to read legible.  Things don’t look and feel the way they used to.  I decided we needed to celebrate so as not to get depressed by the state of my body.  Jason and I went to an expensive restaurant in town.  We NEVER go to expensive restaurants, but on my birthday, armed with a gift card, we decided to go.

This restaurant is the kind you want to dress nicely for.  The meal I order for myself will cost more than feeding the entire family, several times, from the Costco menu.  I was excited.  Queen for a day, I thought!

As you can imagine, I thought I was in for a treat.  But when I got there I was disappointed at first.  You see, our waitress wasn’t doing a very good job of making me feel like a Queen. She did not bring us menu’s.  She did not even look at us.  She asked us what we wanted to drink, and being that I didn’t have a menu, I asked for a House red wine.  Every time she came to the table, she sighed and audible sigh, as if we were putting her out by sitting at the table.  We did finally get one menu, to share between the two of us.  We placed our order, which elicited another sigh.  When our order came, it was wrong.  Jason advised her that what she had brought was not a filet, and I pointed out some missing items.  A very frustrated waitress left and went to go get the correct order.

In the past, all of this would have made me angry.  I would perhaps have thought about not leaving a tip, and reporting her to her manager.  After all, we were paying a lot for this meal.  We deserved better treatment! It was MY DAY, and I AM THE QUEEN!  But in the spirit of everything I have experienced and written about, I decided to take a different approach.  I decided to practice what I have been preaching to see if there was a way to spread love in this situation that in that past would have only elicited anger.

She came back to the table and she brought the correct order, mumbling a sorry under her breath.  I asked her if everything was okay.  She said she was fine.  I stopped, touched her arm, and said, “no really, is everything okay?”  She began to cry.  I told her that whatever it was that was bothering her that God loved her and tomorrow would be a better day. Then she began her story.  She and her husband had just separated.  She had a 5 year old, two jobs, and now she thinks she is pregnant, she was exhausted.  Through her tears she asked me to cut into my steak so I could see if it was okay.  She was trying to do her job still in the midst of her agony.   I told her not to worry about my steak.  I realized her sighs were not about us being at her table, they were sighs about her own life and situation.  I again told her God loved her.  I gave her some information and phone numbers for our local pregnancy resource center.  I told her to have hope.  I wrote her a note and told her to read Psalm 23 when she got home, because I believe the “Valley of the Shadow of Death” is a real place we sometimes walk through and we need to remember that God is with us.  That there will be a time when our cup will overflow again.  At the end of it all, she hugged me and told me she loved me.  I saw her go to the new table that came in, with a smile, and two menu’s.  I think and I hope her night got better.  My prayer is that God will guide her through this difficult time.

As I stated in a previous post, another blogger had helped to open my eyes even more to the fact that everyone has a story.  Everyone needs grace and mercy. The old me would have been disappointed and angry.  The old me would probably have made her night much worse.  How many times had I caused a spiral of despair to get worse?  No more.  The new me cried when I left.  It was a good birthday.  God gave me a great birthday gift.  The gift of seeing through the eyes of love.

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Feel the Feeling

Posted on January 24, 2014 by veilofveronica

“God had one Son on earth without sin, but never one without suffering.” St. Augustine

Today, for some reason, I can’t get my friend Jenifer off my mind.  Jenifer, like Veronica, also passed away in 2010, in February.  It had been almost a year since I had spoken to her when she passed away.  You see, Jenifer was riddled with addiction.  She was a beautiful, young, loving mother of two children.  She suffered anxiety and depression, and she turned to substance abuse to help her cope.  Her death came as a shock to me.  I will probably never know if it was an accident or on purpose, but I can’t think in my heart that she would have ever purposefully left those children she loved so much if the substance abuse hadn’t taken hold of her.

I have to be honest here.  I was angry with Jenifer.  She had actually put my children’s lives in danger, unbeknownst to me at the time, but when I found out, that is when I put my foot down.  In an effort to protect my children, I ended the relationship and told her to get help.  I offered to help her find that help.  A little over a year later she was dead.  I felt guilty.  I had to forgive her and forgive myself for feeling like I didn’t do enough.  I pray for her everyday knowing that our loving God is filled with Divine Mercy, especially for those who hurt so much inside.

In reflection, I thought about how we live in a world that tries to stop suffering of any kind at all costs.  If we get anxious or depressed we pop a pill, or drink a drink.  We have a pharmaceutical industry that makes millions off of pills for our pain.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating that a person that needs help should not take a doctor’s prescription medication, especially if you have a diagnosed condition.  I personally have taken it myself and it greatly helped me in the past with my postpartum anxiety and depression.  I think counseling helps too.  But I am saying, maybe we shouldn’t try so hard to not feel our feelings. Sometimes maybe, we should walk through those feelings.  If we get stuck in them, we need to get help.  But why is it so bad to feel? Why do we try to numb the pain so much?  I think when we push all of those feelings away, that is when panic attacks or anxiety or depression can really take over.  And then the roller coaster of numbing it all takes place.  We numb and the feelings bubble up with physical symptoms.

I just think we should recognize the feeling and embrace it.  Once in a while we need a good cry especially if we are grieving.  If we are afraid and have worry and panic, what is it really that we are afraid of?  In my own life, I boiled my fear and anxiety down to a fear of dying.  That was it, the underlying fear in all of my worry was a fear of death, or death of someone I loved.  I now know for certain there is hope on the other side of death.   Jesus tells us to not be afraid.  Once I addressed this fear, it wasn’t so frightening anymore.  God showed me the beauty of this Life so imagine what the beauty of the next will be like.  I also know the anxiety can be from past experiences or from childhood, or from any litany of things.  I asked Jesus to place his cross between me and the events that caused my anxiety.  The Cross broke the chains of our sin.  The Cross can break the chains of anything.  The Cross is true freedom because the Cross is built out of True Love.  I visually pictured the Cross of Christ in between me and the event that caused me pain.  If in your life someone or something has caused you pain, visualize the Cross of Christ in between you and the person, or the event.  Then lay that pain right there.  Right at Jesus’ feet, He can handle it.

We all know Jesus took on humanity, which means, he took on those feelings. He suffered pain and agony for us. Hebrews 2:14-15 tells us, “Now since the children share in blood and flesh, he likewise shared in them, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and free those who through fear of death had been subject to slavery all their life.”

Think about that for a minute.  The verse talks about being freed from slavery and that we are enslaved because of fear of death. This means Christ can break the slavery of sin, and of anything that brings death to your life.  Anxiety was a sort of death for me.  It kept me from living life the way I wanted.  It literally, in my opinion, caused the death of my friend, who had become a slave to addiction because of anxiety.

If we allow ourselves to feel the pain, how much more joyous will our lives be when the pain passes and the joy comes.  Allow yourself to feel the pain, but know in your heart the hope.   I think trying to fight or bury the pain will bring it at you with a vengeance.  Feeling the pain, embracing it, and letting it go, giving it to Jesus, that will bring you joy.

Remember, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”  Romans 15:13

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Loving in a world of Hate

Posted on January 18, 2014 by veilofveronica

“A mild answer turns back wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  The tongue of the wise pours out knowledge, but the mouth of fools spews folly.  The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.  A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse one breaks the spirit.” Proverbs 15:1-4

When I watch or read the news I tend to get discouraged about the state of the world. From murder, to robbery, to domestic violence etc.  It all seems so overwhelming and depressing.  It seems the worst of mankind is everywhere.  But as I have said many times before, the only person I can control is myself and my reaction.  How can I make my world, here, in this southern town, be a better world?

I read another blogger at Everyday Grace a little while back who told an amazing story you may have already read.  She was screamed and cursed at by another woman at a Starbucks. Instead of screaming back, she looked through the eyes of love, and bought the woman coffee.  That changed everything, for both women.  By that small act of kindness, the anger was stopped in it’s tracks.

I took a  look around me, at all the other people close to me, neighbors, the people in traffic, at the general hustle and bustle of life.  Everybody is suffering something. Everybody gets frustrated and angry.  Is there anything, anything at all, that I can do to make someone else’s life a little easier?  A little less frustrating?

Keeping this thought in mind, I also had to realize where I am in my life.  I am a wife and a mother of 3 growing children.  I have a dog (I had two dogs, one just recently died in my arms), a lizard, two part-time jobs, and I am a room mom for 3rd grade.  If I over extended myself, I know I would become the frustrated, angry, yelling person and that would not be good for anyone.  As much as I want to save the whole world in one fell swoop, God has let me know that is His job, and I have but a small part in doing His will right where I am right now.

I began to talk to my dad.  My dad is awesome.  My dad often thinks of others, and I noticed him doing some little things in his sleepy retirement beach community when I would go visit.  On trash day my 75 year old dad would go and put all the neighbors trashcans back in their yard after the trash was picked up.  He would tell me, “well, Mrs. So and So has bad knees, she shouldn’t have to drag that thing back up there.”  He compliments people all the time with a positive word.  After witnessing the simple act of moving a trashcan, I thought, I can do that!  So, as I said, I began to look around me.  I have neighbors all around, we all speak and say hi to one another, but how was I as a neighbor?  I started to notice some things like, some people who work multiple jobs have a hard time getting their lawn mowed in the summer.  I decided, if I was already mowing my lawn, it wouldn’t take much to pop over and mow theirs too.  I recognized too that I cook dinner for my own family every night, so when I began to get emails that others needed help with dinner, I thought I can just double it. These are the things that are within my means to spread love and kindness.

I don’t know if mowing a lawn or making a dinner does anything to help another’s mood, but I know these are the simple things God asked me to do.  Sometimes, I am not able to do even those things, but I am always able to pray for someone else.  I am always encouraged when someone says they are praying for me, and so that is one thing I always try to do for others.  I believe in the power of prayer.  Chances are if you have asked me, I have written your name in my journal and asked God to bless you.  Even if you haven’t asked, I may be praying for you too.

I don’t tell you these things to be like, “oh, look at me, I’m great, I help people.”  In fact, I can still very much be known to get frustrated and complain.  I tell you these things because I have struggled with being depressed about the world, and with feeling out of control about how to live in a world where evil sits on the front page of every newspaper. God put it on my heart to stop the frustration, anger and depression with me.  To pay forward kindness and love.  He put it there because of my friend Veronica.  Depression makes us look inward at ourselves and our woes, God asked me to look up and outward toward others.  He asked me to be His servant, and I am trying my very best to listen, though I still struggle sometimes.

I have in the past been known to yell back at others who yell at me, to want to seek revenge of some sort or wish something bad upon someone who hurt me.  I am trying and transforming with God’s help to no longer be that person.  I want to look through the eyes of love and empathy.  So next time someone is yelling at you, or that homeless person asks you for money, stop, think about what you want to put forward into the world.  Look through the eyes of love, and don’t let someone else’s anger or frustration turn into yours.

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Mary’s Meals in honor of My Uncle

Posted on January 16, 2014 by veilofveronica

Please take a minute to look at this video my cousin and her daughter put together with Mary’s Meals.  It is truly amazing way to help starving children be educated and fed.  

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Ordinary Gifts

Posted on January 7, 2014 by veilofveronica

“If you are what you should be, you will set the whole world ablaze!”
-St. Catherine of Sienna

Have you ever wondered what it is you are called to do?  What is your purpose?  I have wondered that often throughout my life.  I now know for sure, that I am called to follow God’s will and my purpose is to Love.  Jesus tells us, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself.”  (Luke 10:27) We are all called to this as our purpose. But I still have those moments where I don’t know how best to do that.  In our career driven society, I ask, “what job is it Lord that you want from me?”  I wait for the Lord to show me that thing that I can do so well that it will point all people towards him.

There are some people out there who have extraordinary gifts that point to God.  I am related to one such person.  My cousin, Kathleen Carr, can paint.  She can paint Sacred Art as you can see;

Image

I can say, her talent takes my breath away.  She built the frame and painted the painting.  And I know that she has struggled to be a painter and to reveal the talent that God has given her.  I am so happy for her that she trusts enough to let the Holy Spirit guide her painting.  Look at the exquisite detail in the face of Jesus;

Kathleen car divine Mercy(click to enlarge)

The world will benefit greatly from her extraordinary ability to paint Sacred Art. She is a blessing to us all.  She can paint almost anything, a family portrait, a scene, but her Sacred Art, it is truly Divinely inspired.  For the rest of us, that do not have an extraordinary gift like this, this is where I struggle.

I thought, as I was transforming, I needed to scream to the world in some extraordinary way, God LOVES YOU.  I often found myself frustrated and constantly searching.  I went to visit my parish Priest to ask him about it.  You know, sometimes, God puts a particular person in a particular place for a reason.  They say the one thing that strikes to your heart.  As he was new to my parish, he asked me some very simple questions, “what do you do?”  I answered, “I am a wife and mother and an RCIA catechist.”  I proceeded to spout out my life’s story and asked for direction as to what I am supposed to be doing.  To be honest there was a moment there that I think he thought I was crazy, but gently he answered, “be who you are, be a wife and a mother and a catechist,” and he later added, “be gentle with yourself,” which is also a phrase my sister uses with me.  He said many other things as well, but those words stuck at my heart.  I had to stop my spiritual ADD where I was looking right and left for the heavens to open up, the light to shine down, and God to say, “this, this is your gift Susan,” and perhaps suddenly I would be able to sing!  Those simple words allowed me to know something I already knew in my heart, be extraordinary at the ordinary.  So for those of us who cannot sing, and cannot paint, do not despair.  You yourself are a gift because of who you are, not what you do.  When you realize that you yourself are the gift from God and that he loves you unconditionally, then you are able to just be.  Be right where you are, doing what you are doing, in the best possible, most loving way.  Today my dishes will be clean, and my dinner will be cooked, and my family will feel loved because I am just going to be where I am, where God put me.

 

Carr Fine Art

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Miracles and the Mother of God: Jason’s story

Posted on January 2, 2014 by veilofveronica

“We never give more honor to Jesus than when we honor his Mother, and we honor her simply and solely to honor him all the more perfectly. We go to her only as a way leading to the goal we seek — Jesus, her Son.” — Saint Louis Marie de Montfort

As I was undergoing my spiritual transformation I prayed a lot for my family, my children and my husband.  When my husband and I married in 2000, he was not Catholic.  He had been raised going to both Baptist and Presbyterian churches.  He had a love for Jesus, and a love for me, and we complimented one another as a couple.  Shortly after we were married, he converted to Catholicism.  He had told me that he knew I was not going to go to another church and that we needed to go to church together, so it just made sense to him that he become Catholic.  He believed in the Eucharist and together we raised our family Catholic.

During this time period, though, I sometimes referred to him as a “Baplic,” because he had some issues with Catholic teaching, and truly did not understand our honoring of Mary.  I considered myself the spiritual head of our household, in that I got everyone up for Mass, and I did most of the instruction of the children.  I felt blessed that we all went to church together and that he supported raising our children Catholic but I longed for him to be the leader, and I prayed asking Mary to intercede. One day, we were discussing spiritual things, and the topic of Mary came up.  I was trying to explain to him about Mary when I remembered a video a friend had told me about.  The video is about a priest’s near-death experience, and how he felt Mary saved him.  That video had a powerful impact on my husband, opening his mind to the idea that there was a lot more to Mary than he had ever considered.  He started reading more about Her, and decided to learn how to say the Rosary.  The sequence of events that happened next was something of a small miracle. He has decided to tell his story in his own words:

I’m generally a reserved person not inclined to share private affairs outside of a very small circle of friends.  However, I’ve come to feel that my story could offer inspiration to others, and that if one soul is moved to say or keep saying the Rosary as a result, then this is well worth the effort.  Here’s my story.

In January of 2011, I decided to learn how to say the Rosary.  Using a cheat-sheet with all the mysteries and prayers, I said my first five-decade Rosary. In subsequent days, I sometimes prayed the 15 decades of the full traditional Rosary, with its Joyful, Sorrowful, and Glorious mysteries*, but mostly said the five-decade version.

The Petition

One evening, Susan mentioned to me that people new to saying the Rosary frequently are granted one of their petitions.  She explained that it’s a real phenomenon and, in fact, there’s a saying that one shouldn’t be afraid to ask for something big.  I was amused, but honestly didn’t give it a lot of thought.  Anyway, most of my petitions were not for specific items that could be noticeably granted—they were for more general things, such as keeping my family safe from harm and evil, helping the children to do well in school, etc.

A few days later, while at work, I learned that the Ringling Brothers circus was coming to town at the Arena, and that my employer was going to give away its luxury-box tickets to some lucky employees.  Interested employees could enter their names into drawings for the Friday and Saturday events.  Thinking that this would be a great treat for my young boys, I entered my name in the drawing, in competition with many other entries.

That night, Susan and I decided to say a Rosary together in our “peaceful place,” a small area in our room set apart for prayer.  At the end, I made a number of my usual petitions.  Susan then continued with many additional petitions recorded in her prayer book.  We made the sign of the cross, put our rosaries away, and started to leave when I stopped and said, “Oh yeah, one more thing…it would really be nice if I could win those tickets to the circus.  The Saturday show would be great.  Amen.”

The next afternoon at work, I received an email informing me that I had won four tickets to the Saturday circus event.  I just sat there in disbelief a few moments and re-read the message.  It was like, “Did you ask for something?  Boom!  Here you go.”  I was stunned and thrilled at the same time.  Now, sure, I’m a logical finance guy and thought to myself that these things happen.  My chances were perhaps 1-2%, and somebody had to win.  It wasn’t like it was the lottery.  However, not only had I won, but it was for the Saturday show that I had requested.  To me, it was more than chance. Mary had my attention.

First Five Saturdays

Before winning the tickets, I said the Rosary most days, but not every day.  Afterwards, I decided to commit myself to five decades daily.  I continued to read and learn about Mary and the Rosary.  I read one of Saint Louis Marie de Montfort’s books about the Rosary.  I also learned about the first five Saturdays devotion introduced in Fatima, and decided to take part.

This devotion entails, on the first Saturday of the month for five consecutive months, making reparations for the sins against the Immaculate Heart of Mary by saying the Rosary, going to confession, receiving communion at Mass, and praying in the presence of Jesus for at least 15 minutes (typically a Rosary is said during this time).

On the first Saturday of March 2011, I said a Rosary at home, and went to church early in order to say confession before Mass.  Now, this was only my third confession ever, and honestly, I approached this one with much more thought and seriousness than my previous ones.  I really dug deep, painfully confessing sins even and especially from my distant past. After receiving absolution for my sins, I felt a huge burden lifted from my soul.  I then proceeded to the small chapel, knelt before the tabernacle, and said another Rosary. Shortly afterwards, Mass began. I received communion, and prayed for the reparation of sins against Mary’s Immaculate Heart.  That was it for the first of the five Saturdays.  It had been difficult—especially the confession—but felt good.  I then went home for an uneventful evening.

While sound asleep that night, I was suddenly awakened by an intense warmth that moved in a wave through my whole body.  It started at my head, then rapidly extended steadily to my torso, legs, and feet.  More than just warmth, there was also a slight buzzing sensation. Then, in the pitch-black room, before I could even try to process what was happening to me, an image appeared in my eyes, which were closed. Similar to the way you might stare briefly at a brightly-lit object and then see the object’s shape imprinted in light under your eyelids, the image that came to me began as a point of light that expanded quickly into the shape of a rose. I recall thinking to myself at first, what is that? A flower?  Then I realized, It’s…a rose! It was a top-down view of a rose.

The image remained for perhaps 2-3 seconds, then quickly shrunk back to the center point of light. However, it immediately expanded again into a new image. This time it was of many smaller roses packed tightly together, side by side, like in a bouquet.  But then I realized this bouquet was also in the shape of a heart—a subtle valentine.  It remained for the same length of time, and then faded out again, shrinking and then expanding into one final image. 

This final image was of a series of roses connected side by side into a ring.  It was like looking at a side view of a ring made of roses, and then tilting the front side downward slightly so that you could also see the back side of the ring. I viewed it as a crown of roses. 

The final image then shrunk like the others, with nothing remaining.  I opened my eyes in the dark room and sat up, amazed and trying to process what had just happened.  I debated waking Susan to tell her about it, but decided to let her sleep and tell her in the morning.

Like considering the odds of winning the circus tickets, part of my logical brain sometimes wants to rationalize this as some natural, dream-induced occurrence. But then, I’ve never encountered anything remotely like it in my life before or since, and it happened after the first of the five Saturdays.  As I see it, this was clearly Mary’s special acknowledgement and encouragement to me to continue.  The first rose clearly represented the Rosary.  I really didn’t comprehend the full significance of the last two images at the time, but upon later reflection, recognize these as images related to Her Immaculate Heart.

 Immaculate heart 4

This is my husbands story.  And just like that, after ten and a half years of marriage, my prayer had been answered.  My husband became the spiritual leader in my household. This was truly a miracle in my midst.  Being the human that I am, I was very grateful, but also perhaps a little spiritually jealous.  I had prayed the Rosary on and off for years, and he gets a “vision.”  I knew that was selfish and I quickly overcame that, as I watched him transform into a new person.  He is still the same man I married who I lovingly refer to as, “Mr. Finance Pants,” but he is a softer, gentler, more generous person.  He became involved in activities at church.  He is a person whose heart is changed.  We are still on this journey together, and we both still have a long way to go, but I am forever grateful to Mary, the Mother of God, for interceding in our lives.

*My husband now does pray the Luminous Mysteries as well, but when he was first learning the Rosary he had come across the traditional version before Pope John Paul II had added the Luminous Mysteries.

Immaculate Heart Image by Kathleen Carr: http://www.carrfineart.com

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Do you trust me or not?

Posted on December 22, 2013 by veilofveronica

Sacred Heart Crop

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

As long as I can remember I have been an anxious person.  A person who was filled with worry.  When I look at something, I can picture the worst thing happening in my head.  My neck hurts, I must have meningitis–never mind that I had worked out in a weight lifting class yesterday that used muscles I didn’t know I had–I am definitely dying.  This is how my brain seems to work.    I read an internet meme the other day that said, “I’m Irish, we don’t do this ‘Keep Calm’ thing.”  I laughed out loud because I am Irish, and my worries must be hereditary.

I had thought moving away to the south would rid me of panic but after I had children, my anxiety exploded astronomically.  I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety after the birth of my first son.  I had so much anxiety I thought I would die.  I would literally stand over his bed multiple times in the night to make sure he was still breathing.  I was exhausted.  I felt crazy.  I advised my doctor, and thankfully she was proactive and able to help me.  I followed the best of the day’s medical advice–all of it–and it worked for me, to a degree.  I went to counseling. I did the breathing techniques.  Eat right, exercise, take medicine, I did all of these things.  My anxiety became manageable.  My frequent panic attacks became more controllable.  Within a years time, I became my normal self.  My “normal” self was one that worried all the time, but if I ate right, exercised, and got eight hours of sleep (which was hard with a little one) I was no longer totally debilitated by my fears and anxiety.  I could function.  I thought, this is as good as it gets.  I started praying more, but as I said in my previous post, I would mostly plead.  God was listening and He provided me with help to alleviate some of that fear.  One of my biggest anxieties was that I would get into an accident while driving with my children.  Before driving, I would close my eyes, plead with God, and before I knew it, in my head would pop the picture of four angels on the four corners of my car, touching it, flying next to my car as I drove.  This enabled me to drive.  I loved thinking they were actually there, that sometimes in our hours of greatest need God provides extra supernatural help for us.  I do think our God is this good.

After Veronica’s murder, I began to pray differently.  I was having a conversation with God.  He became my friend.  The thing that overcame me the most, over and over, was the message, “Do you trust me or not?”  My answer used to be “no, not really.”  I mean, I had faith,  I believed in God, but I didn’t trust that I would be taken care of.  I didn’t trust because of the suffering I had endured.  God persisted, “Do you trust me, or not?”  I began to  see that even with all my sufferings, my life was so blessed.  I looked back on times in my life, and I realized that although I was suffering, there was a sequence of events that took place, that clearly showed He was walking with me.  I remember asking the Lord at the time to be with me at the time of my suffering, and in reflection I see that He was.  In my postpartum depression and anxiety, He had provided me with a mother and two sisters who, though they did not live in the state, relentlessly called to make sure I was okay.  They would tag-team me. One would give practical advice, “put the baby in the stroller and go for a walk,” while the other would talk to me about how God was holding me in the palm of His hand.  My mother and father came down, and my mom drove me to the doctor. God was in my midst.  I know too that my brother was praying for me. God had placed me in this family–He was there in my midst acting through them.

I remember one day in 2011, still in the throws of my grieving, I had to take catechist classes from the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia Congregation.  I arrived at the church in town for the classes.  I sat all day and soaked it all in.  As we were wrapping up, the Sister told the class we were going to take a few moments to go to the adoration chapel.  This particular church had a chapel that was built in 1871.  It is one of those small historic chapels with great old stained glass windows.  I remember closing my eyes, and telling God my heart hurts so much.  I just want to know that you are there.  In that moment, I opened my eyes and looked up.  I was staring at the stained glass window, and there in the design was the Sacred Heart of Jesus.  In that moment time seemed to stop. The Sacred Heart beats with the fire of love for me, I thought.   The crown of thorns wrapped around the heart shows that Jesus bore my pain in His heart.   His blood dripping from the heart, secured the forgiveness of my sins.  This heart would transform me and purify me.  God DOES love me!!  It was no longer just a picture.  It was a message for me personally.  I had to stay in the chapel a few extra minutes as the tears flowed from my eyes.  I went home and wrote a letter to the Sister thanking her for the classes.

I cannot tell you that I no longer have any anxiety.  I think when you have an ingrained behavior, it is a journey to transform it.  It doesn’t just happen instantaneously.  I will say, that over time, when I pray, and Jesus asks me, “Do you trust me, or not,”  my answer has transformed.  It went from, “no, not really,” to “I am trying, maybe I do,” and on some days, the answer is a flat-out, “yes!”  I experienced about a three-week period where it was totally “yes,” and those three weeks were the most peaceful of my life.  One of my close friends (also named Susan) told me that God gives you that glimpse of peace, the total trust, so you know what heaven is like, but you don’t necessarily get to keep it.  The comfort is in knowing He is there and He is true.  I continue to pray and build my relationship with the Lord.  This blog is a result of me answering, “yes,” to Him.  I hope my “yes” to this can bring joy and happiness and the letting go of fear to someone else out there.

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Lead us not into Temptation

Posted on December 19, 2013 by veilofveronica

God’s invitation to become saints is for all, not just a few. Sanctity therefore must be accessible to all. In what does it consist? In a lot of activity? No. In doing extraordinary things? No, this could not be for everybody and at all times. Therefore, sanctity consists in doing good, and in doing this good in whatever condition and place God has placed us. Nothing more, nothing outside of this.
–Blessed Louis Tezza

 

We hear all the time these days, “I just want to be happy.”  I have come to the conclusion we are wanting the wrong thing.  We should want to be holy, and with that, happiness is attainable because holiness is where you are joined to the will of God.  Generally, in our pursuit of happiness we are looking for that worldly thing that will make us happy.  Often the mess we make of our lives is made because we are pursuing that “thing” that we think will make us happy.  The husband, who feels neglected by his wife, he may look at that other woman and think, “I bet she would make me happy.”  He puts himself in a situation where he can find out.  Lets just go out for a harmless lunch. Or the woman, who is happy because she can buy the latest name brand item, even though she really doesn’t have the money.  Or the teenager who thinks that getting high will make me feel happy and makes sure to be in the place where the drugs are accessible. And then they each get that thing that they want, that thing they think will make them happy.  And then their lives fall apart. The husband loses his family.  The woman can’t pay her bills.  The teenagers spirals out of control into a drug fueled world.

I finally understand the Catholic prayers at a much deeper level.  The Lord’s prayer, when we pray it, do we mean it?  We ask, “lead us not into temptation”.  Are we really trying to avoid it?  In the Act of Contrition we pray that we will, “avoid the near occasion of sin.” The fact of the matter is we willingly seek out these places, these situations.  All of us have that temptation, but do we try to avoid the thing that tempts us to sin.  In Hollywood, divorce is rampant, think about it, they, for their job, put themselves in situations where they are making out (and sometimes much more) with someone other than their spouse.  Talk about being led into temptation.  It should not be a shock then, that in Hollywood broken families are the norm. 

I don’t mean to get up on a soapbox, but I think our pursuit of happiness is often based on a feeling of want, and it just leads to misery and broken lives.  So, seriously, does anyone anymore ever think about being holy?  About trying to be a Saint?  I haven’t heard it mentioned in a long time.  But it is time.  It is time for us to pursue holiness.  We don’t have to do giant things, we can, as St Thérèse of Lisieux modeled for us, do it in the little things.  And if you have a repetitive sin, start with that one.  Try to not put yourself in the situation where you will fall to that weakness.  And pray, pray for God’s help with the prayer he taught us.  And mean it, don’t just say it with an empty heart.  We will sometimes fail, but God is merciful and loves us.  So be gentle with yourself when you fail because God is gentle with you, but set the bar a little higher each day, set the bar to conform your will to God’s.  Because He is God, He can make a Saint out of us.  And this world sure could use more Saints.

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