The Tuesday Folder

Posted on April 30, 2014 by veilofveronica

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18

 

Ever since I have started this blog, I have not written too much about my children.  I chose to do this because their lives are theirs, and I don’t think they would always want their business out there on the internet.  That said, I want to talk a little bit about them today.  For now, we will just call them Little King, Beloved, and Princess.

Becoming a mother was much harder than I had ever imagined.  As I mentioned before, I suffered from Post Partum Depression.  Gone were my fantasies of putting my baby into the jogging stroller at 7:00 a.m. while a perfectly fit me jogged down to Starbucks for my Grande Peppermint Mocha.  I was lucky if I could even get a shower and make it through a day without crying.  Then, after having an ectopic pregnancy that was life threatening, I worried if I would only have one child.  But God had other plans.  Now I have my precious three here and that little one I lost in the ectopic who is in heaven.

I soon grew to love my new role as mother.  But I was literally astounded at how hard it was.  As my friend, Kathleen says, “I did my best parenting before I had children.”  As a singleton, I was arrogant.  As a mother I wanted to go back to my own mother and apologize for everything ever.  I never knew the trials of motherhood.  The pain, the pure joy.

Now, suffice it to say, my kids have had some issues.  Little King got a diagnosis of ADHD in first grade.  Severe ADHD.  My brilliant child, who spoke sentences at 15 months, couldn’t seem to get any work done.  Then came the questioning from other parents, maybe I just didn’t discipline him enough.  Maybe I was feeding him all the wrong things.  Whatever the case, it was DEFINITELY my fault.  At least that is how I felt anyway.

Beloved, went to pre-school for three years and never spoke a word.  He spoke at home.  But not at school.  Alas, after some research, he too had a diagnosis.  Selective Mutism.  An anxiety disorder, rooted in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  This must also be my fault.  I was the anxious parent, I must have passed it on to him!

So again, being a mother is not all rosy all the time, because it is hard.  But as all parents out there know, it is so worth it.  We consulted Doctors, medical advice, and alternative medicine, for our boys.  After a year of pretty intensive therapy that me and my husband took (our Doctor said it would be useless for Beloved to be in therapy because he didn’t speak, so me and my husband took it and implemented what was taught to us), Beloved started speaking and he never looked back.  He is now our most outgoing child.  I was THRILLED when I got a note home in Kindergarten that Beloved was talking too much in class.  That was a huge victory for us.

As is the case with ADHD, Little King, has struggled every year in school in certain areas.  We have a plan for him.  He is actually gifted in certain areas, but things like organization and working memory, are not among those gifted areas.  It is a constant struggle.   Trying to balance discipline without breaking his spirit.  What is he capable of and what can he really not help.  I pray often about this.

This brings me to my main point today for writing.  The Tuesday folder.  Tuesday is the day the school sends home all of their work from the previous week.  Parents are to look at it and sign it and send it back so the teachers know they are aware of how their child is doing.  I have hated the Tuesday folder.

The Tuesday folder had become the nemesis that I dreaded getting.  I have often fantasized about what it would be like to open a Tuesday folder and see all 100% and feeling the pangs of jealousy toward those parents who did open theirs to find that.  The Tuesday folder was the marker for inadequacy in my family.  Inadequacy for all of us.  To be fair, my children really don’t always do that poorly in school, but let’s just say there aren’t all A’s.  Sixth grade for Little King has been particularly challenging.  I have been known to state, “I hate sixth grade.”  I am sure my son has felt something similar.

I was talking to one of the sixth grade teachers yesterday and I found myself complaining.  I said out loud, “I hate Tuesday.”  After I got in the car, I was a little embarrassed that I had verbalized that.  I started to remember how I had vowed to be Thankful in All things.  I thought, how can I be thankful for the Tuesday folder?

It dawned on me that the Tuesday folder has actually taught my children a very valuable lesson.  They know that I want them to do well and succeed in school, but they also know that no matter what mom and dad open up and find in the Tuesday folder, they are loved, unconditionally.  My love for them does not depend on what the piece of paper says.  My love for them is for every part of them.  Every inattentive, anxious part of them.  They have learned that if they fail something the world doesn’t stop turning.  That sometimes failure opens up a new way of learning or a new door.  I don’t know what Little King or Beloved will grow up to be, but whatever it is, be it a ditch digger or a rocket scientist, they are loved.  The Tuesday folder is just one very tiny small part in the journey of their souls.  I know the teachers who send home the Tuesday folder have said that they pray every day for my children and I feel blessed about that.  So I have decided not to fear the Tuesday folder, not to feel the inadequacy of it, but to embrace it, because it makes me show my children unconditional love.  I know God has big plans for them and He is shaping their souls into hopefully holy little people.

I did not mention Princess too much this post.  She is only in Pre-K.  When I got pregnant with her my prayer was simple, “healthy please Lord with no issues.”  So far, that has been the case for her.  But even if she ends up with issues, I will love her unconditionally.  No matter what is in her Tuesday folder.

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Don’t be Lukewarm

Posted on April 29, 2014 by veilofveronica

Image

 

“Today bring to Me the Souls who have become Lukewarm, and immerse them in the abyss of My mercy. These souls wound My Heart most painfully. My soul suffered the most dreadful loathing in the Garden of Olives because of lukewarm souls. They were the reason I cried out: ‘Father, take this cup away from Me, if it be Your will.’ For them, the last hope of salvation is to run to My mercy.”  –  Day 9 of the Novena of Divine Mercy as recorded in the Diary of St. Faustina

 

Easter this year was beautiful.  I watched as the children I taught were initiated into the Catholic Church.  It was truly inspiring.  The Sunday after Easter is Divine Mercy Sunday. We celebrated the Devotion of St. Faustina at church and it got me thinking.  I was lukewarm.  I look back on my life, there were times when I was more fervent, closer to the Lord than other times, but a good majority of my adult life, I was lukewarm.  What does that mean?  It meant that I said I believed, but I lived a worldly life.  I bought into the things society tells us are good.  I thought the church was old and outdated.  I was embarrassed to tell people I love Jesus.  I must not have loved Him very much.  Like a teenager embarrassed of her parents, I had yet to grow up and truly proclaim my love.  Thankfully my eyes were opened.    My sorrow is that it took a tragedy for that to happen.  My joy is that His mercy is Divine and is there for me.  My hope is that with God’s grace I will remain passionate for Him.

When I look now at what the church teaches, I see life.  I see joyful life.  When I look at what society teaches, I see death.  I see the chains of addiction, to money, materialism, power, popularity, alcohol, sex, pornography, drugs, and self.  These things can kill the soul.  God brings life to the soul.  The contrast for me is stark.  But I am no longer afraid.  I am no longer embarrassed.  Either Jesus meant what he said to us, or He didn’t.  Either Jesus was God, or He wasn’t.  Either I really love Him, or I don’t.  And so because I do love Him, I am grateful for the Magisterium, I am grateful for the Catechism.  I am grateful for the church that Jesus gave St. Peter the keys to.  When life gets hard, when the suffering is hard, there is the Barque of St. Peter there guide the way for me, that always points us in the direction of the all encompassing love of Christ.  I am embarrassed to say how little I read of my own religion before.  I believed what other people said without ever reading deeper for myself.  Archbishop Fulton Sheen once said, “There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”  I know this to be true. I did not know her teachings to be able to proclaim the Truth.  I picked and chose the things I would follow and the things I would not.  I was part of the problem.  Lukewarm.

It is my church that has always said that every life has value and dignity in God’s eyes; That has always told us to go out and feed the hungry, clothe and give shelter to the poor; That has stood by the values that make families stronger;  That has extended love to the downtrodden and weak, and has welcomed the sinner.  Is my church perfect? No, it is not because it is made up of sinners, and yet because of this that is how I know God’s hand guides it.  That through the years with human sin and corruption, she still stands.  She has not fallen like corrupt governments of the past.  For 2000 years, God has guided her even through difficult times,  even when evil seemed to infiltrate. We make it complicated.  We humans are selfish.  It is God who can strip that selfishness away.  He gave us the church to help us understand the way.  The church that points to the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

The book of Revelation 3:15 tells us, “I know your works; I know that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.”  Harsh, but it makes sense.  I was pretending.  I was a hypocrite.  Thankfully, the church welcomes the hypocrite and the sinner.  People may laugh at me for being a Jesus freak these days, but I am okay with that.  So on Divine Mercy Sunday, and for the days that follow, I pray for the Lukewarm.  I pray for the conversion of hearts.  I pray for my own heart to stay passionate.  I know His mercy encompasses us.  Jesus I trust in you.

 

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Reflection on the Lord’s Passion

Posted on April 14, 2014 by veilofveronica

What does Satan do to distance us from the path of Jesus? Firstly, his temptation begins gradually but grows and is always growing. Secondly, it grows and infects another person, it spreads to another and seeks to be part of the community. And in the end, in order to calm the soul, it justifies itself. It grows, it spreads and it justifies itself.”  -Pope Francis

 

As we enter this Holy Week, I can’t help but to reflect on the Lord’s Passion.  I cry when I think about it.  The God man, who could have fought back.  He tells us in the Gospel of Matthew chapter 26:53-54;

“Do you think that I cannot call upon my Father and he will not provide me at this moment with more than twelve legions of angels? But then how would the scriptures be fulfilled which say that it must come to pass in this way?”

So He didn’t fight back.  He took it, and He did that for us.  For me.  I think of the quote from Pope Francis above.  How many times in the past did I let myself get distanced from God?  How many times did I neglect my relationship with God, never even speaking to Him unless I wanted something?  How many times have I justified what is wrong?  How many times have I spread my wrong to a friend instead of spreading goodness and right?  So I cry.  I reflect.  The Lenten journey.  It is one of cleansing.  I cry but I feel good.  I feel good because I am loved by Him.  My sins are wiped away.

His Sacred Heart is always reaching out for us.  Reaching out for me.  He wants to wrap us in His love.  I want to be His.  And so, with reflection, I do what He asks.  I repent.  I confess.  I do penance.  I receive His Body and Blood.  The free gift that is there for me. It takes discipline, something I am not great at, but when I look at the Cross, the bloodied and beaten God, who with His wounds took my wounds, my heart melts of its hardness, and feels His saving Grace.  I can go out and spread what is right, my works become works of His heart.  My heart is guided by Him.

This is what I have been feeling, and as if to let me know that his Sacred Heart is there for me personally still, each and every day, my cousin, Kathleen Carr, the painter, stunned me with this;

 

Kathleen SHYes

Behold This Heart That Has So Loved Men.  This is what she unveiled this Lenten season.  He is working among us.  He will make us new.  He will make us strong.  Let His love encompass you this Holy Week.

You can visit my cousin’s website here.

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Don’t Believe the Lies

Posted on March 23, 2014 by veilofveronica

“For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens.  Therefore, put on the armor of God, that you may be able to resist on the evil day and, having done everything, to hold your ground”  Ephesians 6:12-13

Some of you had asked me to update you on my Lenten “giving up worry.”  I have to say it has been very difficult.  Within the first week, my oldest broke his arm, my second son had a bleeding black eye from the back yard battle field, and my daughter was having daily stomach aches and headaches for about a month.   We also found out my oldest has food allergies that are overwhelming to say the least.

I think it is easier to give up worry when it is just yourself you have to worry about.  But when I have to add my precious little ones into the mix, it makes it seem impossible.  Then I remember, they too are His.  They are not mine, they were a gift from God to me, but they always belong to Him.  He loves them more than anyone, which is hard for me to imagine.  I am trying to keep that in mind as we progress through Lent.

I took my friends advice and tackled each thing that was under my control and then let the rest go.  Take the oldest to the orthopedic, and get a cast.  That school and his other activities will be harder with his right hand casted, well he can control some of it, not me, and so I leave it to him and God.  As for his allergies, take one meal at a time, and breathe deeply a lot, don’t look too far ahead, just at the meal you are making right now.   My second needed a butterfly bandage to close the wound, and a bag of ice.  Those pictures in my head that say, “what if the plastic battle axe had hit him directly in his eye and blinded him?”  Well, I tried to silence those.  I told myself, “that did not happen, his Guardian Angel was watching over him.”  And I offer up thanksgiving that all things are minor.  I took my daughter to the Doctor to discover the culprit was a sinus infection, and so melted away my thoughts of a brain tumor and the like.  I must tell you, when you actually “give up worry” it becomes VERY apparent how much you do worry.  I spend A LOT of time with negative thoughts that never come to fruition.  Luke 12:25 tells us, “And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?”  I am here to tell you, the answer to that is NOT ONE HOUR, in fact, I would venture to say it would remove hours from your life span.

And have I had bigger worries? Yes, I have.  Right now this moment, my Aunt has breast cancer that spread to her spine.  I went to bed one night and I felt compelled to ask Saint Padre Pio to intercede for her.  I have to say, the Saint I am usually compelled to pray for intercession from is the Blessed Mother, but this night I was pulled to pray for St. Padre Pio’s intercession.  So I did, because I can do that, and it helped me let go of the worry.  The next morning I came downstairs to clean my office and on my children’s craft station I found a prayer booklet of the prayers of Padre Pio, even though I keep my prayer books in my Peaceful Place.  I know I could write it off as coincidence, but I know enough now to know that nothing is coincidence.   I took this as my sign that St. Padre Pio is interceding for her.

I quickly emailed my Aunt to let her know.  She emailed me back to tell me she had said the Saint Padre Pio prayer while on the radiation table the day before.  I was astonished.  I should know now not to be surprised by the power of Prayer.  A series of other events had also taken place with other family members as well, and all I will say is, that where there was no hope, now hope abounds.  Please keep my Aunt in your prayers.  I believe in Miracles.  And I am doing my best not to worry about her and let God and his Angels and Saints work miracles.

My mantra this Lent has become, “Jesus I trust in you,” as St. Faustina told us to say.  I find myself repeating it often.  I would like to tell you have I have not worried, but it would not be truthful, however, I am doing much better.  This has been a lesson on changing negative thought into positive thought.  The thought that I know God will take care of me.  I will not let the Father of Lies tempt me into believing his lies.  All the negativity, that is not of God.   So as Jesus was tempted in the desert, I believe these negative thoughts are tempting me to not believe in God’s goodness.  But I answer, I do believe, even in suffering, that GOD IS GOOD.  Jesus I trust in you.  He answers me, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27

 

Divine Mercy scroll KC

Carr Fine Art

 

 

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You are loved

Posted on March 8, 2014 by veilofveronica

An open letter to anyone suffering.

Dear Precious Soul,

Have you ever felt isolated, alone, unworthy?  Felt as though no one loved you?  That what you are suffering is unbearable?  And that no one understands what you are going through?  Have you felt, hopeless, or that you didn’t deserve love?  If you have, or you are feeling this way right now, then this letter is for you.

You are not alone.  You are precious.  You are loved.  There is someone who understands you.  There is someone who loves you so much He would die for you.  His name is Jesus Christ.

To the child with ADHD, dyslexia, anxiety, Asperger’s or Autism, you are loved.  You are beautifully and wonderfully made.  Your differences do not define you.  Being different doesn’t make you less worthy of His love.  Jesus is walking with you everyday of your life.  Invite Him into it and watch your life be blessed.

To the teenager who wants to be popular and feels socially isolated, you are loved.  You were made in His image and Likeness.  You are unique and special.  Do not feel alone, He is with you.  His love will fill you more than you can imagine, more than any material item or social status. Close your eyes and talk to Him.

To the young single person who feels they cannot find love, you are already loved.  Ask Jesus to bless your life and your eyes will be opened to love.

To the young pregnant mother, who is fearful of your pregnancy, and struggling with what to do, you are loved.  Before you were in your own mother’s womb He knew you.  He set you apart.  He will do the same for your child, and the generations to come from your child.  You are not alone in your struggle.  Trust in Him and He will guide you.  His own mother knows the struggle of unexpected pregnancy, but she was the Lord’s Handmaid.  She has been called Blessed for generations. Let yourself be blessed with the child who will love you.

To the parents everywhere, you are loved.  The sleepless nights with little ones, the arguments with your teenager, the worry you still have over your grown children.  He knows them all.  Look to Him, the Greatest Parent, for your guidance.  He will show you the way.

To the couple who longs for a child, but can’t have one, you are loved.  God knows your struggle and walks with you.  His own earthly Father adopted Him.  Love can bring you a family, it just may not be in the way you expected.  Have hope.  His plan is greater than yours.

To the young father who is afraid to be a father, you are loved.  He is the Greatest Father, let Him show you.  Have no fear.

To the unemployed, under employed, the worker, and the financially stressed, you are loved.  Use your skills to Glorify God.  He will not abandon you.  He will provide.

To those who have been betrayed by a stranger, a friend, a family member, you are loved. Forgive as Jesus has forgiven you.  Let the love in and the hurt melt away.

To those who have betrayed others, you are loved.  Let Jesus in to soften your heart.  Say your sorry.  Sin no more.  Start your life anew washed in His blood.

To the drug and alcohol addicted, you are loved.  You may be so deep in your addiction that you see no way out.  There is a way.  Jesus is the Way.  He will bring you freedom.

To the prisoner, you are loved.  There is nothing you have done that cannot be forgiven.  You just have to ask for it and He will freely give it.

To the homeless and the poor, you are loved.  You shall be glorified in God’s kingdom.  You are not forgotten.

To the person with cancer or any other sickness, you are loved.  You are not alone.  He walks with you in your suffering.  He knows the suffering.  Unite yourself with the Cross.  Hope is there.  He is a miracle worker.

To the person who has lost a child, spouse, or loved one, you are loved.  When the pain seems too much to bear, close your eyes and know that the souls on earth and the souls in heaven are part of the Communion of Saints.  Your loved one may have only been here a short time, but remember the joy they brought you.  That joy can be yours again.   Place your eyes on Jesus.

To the depressed and anxiety ridden, you are loved.  Trust in Him.  His path will lead you to Glory.  Lay your worries on His shoulders and He will give you rest.

To all of us, you are loved.  Open your eyes to those around you.  Sacrifice for those around you.  Pay forward the love that is given to you freely.

He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  Ask forgiveness for your sins.  Cast aside your loneliness and let Him in.  Make Him your friend.  Know and feel you are unconditionally loved.  He is the path to Peace and Freedom.

His Servant,

Susan

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What I am Giving up for Lent

Posted on March 4, 2014 by veilofveronica

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?  Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin.  But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them.  If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’ All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.”  Matthew 6:25-34

I am constantly amazed at the awe inspiring creations God has made.  I love to be out in nature.  When I look up at the sky at night, or at the birds in the trees outside my bedroom window, I can stare for a long time with wonder at the beauty.   Sometimes though, after watching the news, it is humankind that makes me depressed.  But then, I will come across something, something that causes me to look at a human being with the same awe and wonder that I can look at the other things in nature and see.

The other day a my friend, sent me this link.  It is a short clip, and the woman, Kelly McGonigal, is not talking about God.  But boy, do I see God’s handiwork in what she is saying.  For years we all thought stress was bad for us.  But this new study turns that idea on its head.  It turns out that it is how we view stress that can make us sick.  And by viewing stress as a positive thing, we can actually make our hearts healthier.  She goes on to say that if you help other people you are supporting your cardiovascular system.   I was dumbfounded.  When we help other people we make our own hearts healthier.  If you don’t see God’s handwriting all over that, I don’t know what would make you see it.

I immediately thought of the verse above, the one from Matthew that tells us not to worry.  He really is holding us in the palm of his hand!   He takes care of the birds and they have no plan, yet how much more important are we?  You see, He really did design you in His image and likeness.  Worry is a negative way of viewing stress, but when we change that to a positive, everything changes.  When we trust God, and when we do what is imprinted by Him into our hearts, help and love others, we are glorifying this human body that He gave us, making ourselves physically healthier.

I think this Lent I am going to do something that my neighbor Mitzi told me she did.  I am going to give up worry.  Before you laugh out loud, Mitzi gave me a plan.  She told me for every anxious thought I have, I should stop and say, “what can I control in this situation?”  And if there is something I can do, then I should do it.  But if there is not anything I can do, I should offer that worry or anxiety to God and let it go.  Mitzi did it for Lent a couple of years back.  She said it was the hardest thing she had ever done.  I believe her.  But as I have stated before, God keeps asking me, “Do you trust me or not?”  And every day, I want my answer to be, “YES”!  I can’t think of a better way to do that then to give up worry for Lent.  Pray for me ya’ll.  I know this will be hard.  But I believe my spirit, and my physical heart will be healthier for it.  And I believe this is what God has always intended for us.

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The Trinity and the Family

Posted on February 19, 2014 by veilofveronica

“Then God said: Let us make human beings in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the tame animals, all the wild animals, and all the creatures that crawl on the earth.”  Genesis 1:26

I teach a RCIA class for children at my church.  One day a child, maybe 11 or 12 years old, asked about the above quote from the bible.  He asked, “why does God say, ‘Let US’ and ‘OUR image‘, why is God using a plural if this is the beginning?”  A very astute question, and I myself had never given it much thought, but I answered what I thought deep down to be true.  I told him though I wasn’t sure, and I would look it up, that I thought it was a foreshadowing of the Trinity.  That Jesus was there in the beginning, though He had not yet come to earth but He was there since the beginning.

I came home after class and looked it up, my gut had been correct.  This was a foreshadowing of the Trinity.  This got me thinking.  I am no deep theologian and sometimes when I read and try to educate myself, honestly I think my head might explode.  Some of the deep theology and the intellect of the Fathers of the Church, makes me feel inadequate.  But then, as if somehow God knows my feelings, He gives me a simplistic thought.  That passage where God is speaking in the plural, foreshadowing the Trinity, He is talking about how He made us in their image and likeness.  I remembered how St. Patrick had used the image of the clover to show the three leaves on one clover.  But I thought of another, even more powerful image, a place where three become one right here on earth – the family.  A man and a woman in marriage together with God create a new life.  The child proceeds from the Father and Mother.  Three persons become one family.  This was an amazing revelation to me.  It turns out this was Catholic Teaching all along.   Though nothing can truly explain the mystery of the Trinity, the family is one place the Church looks.  What a gift the Church’s teachings are, if only we would take the time to find out.

Goodness me I thought, the family unit, now that is really where the Image and Likeness of God is imprinted.  When a husband and wife invite God into their marriage, it is a Sacramental marriage of three, God, husband and wife.  From the love of a Husband and Wife springs children.  When we invite God into our family, His image is imprinted there just as it is imprinted on each one of us.  To further the realization of the importance of family, I began to look through the bible and realized how it lists the Genealogy of people throughout.  Jesus Himself has His genealogy listed in the Gospel of Matthew and the Gospel of Luke.  As if to tell us, it is important where you came from!  These people in these families, they made up a nation – The nation of Israel.  A nation can be great when its families are great.  When the family deteriorates so too does the community.  When the community deteriorates, the nation can too.  As Pope John Paul II stated in his homily on November 30, 1980, “The family is the ‘first and vital cell of society’.  In its own way it is a living image and historical representation of the mystery of the Church.  The future of the world and of the Church, therefore, passes through the family.”

The family can be something sacred, something wonderful, but we human beings have a way of making a mess of things, my own family included.   If only we realized the beauty of what God has in store for us when we invite Him in.  I would say that the Cure d’ars, St. John Vianney, realized the importance of the family.  During his first few weeks in Ars he spent time visiting with each of the sixty families in his parish.  He was making an assessment of his parish by starting at the family level.  By focusing on the family, praying, and fasting, St. John Vianney was able over time to rid Ars of all taverns which he said, “steal the bread of poor women and children by selling wine to drunkards.”  That may sound harsh, but within 20 years the taverns in Ars closed and do you know what else went away?  Destitution and poverty went away in Ars.  St. John Vianney suffered tremendously, but he through the Grace of God, transformed his community by helping the people there love and sacrifice for one another instead of giving into selfish desires.  He encouraged confession and spent hours every day helping his community, helping families rid themselves of vices so their lives would be better.  People came from all around to see this holy man.  A man who started by visiting each family.

Now, I already realized the importance of my own family, how much I loved them, but I don’t think I ever realized the impact the family has on all of society.  We need to build up the family.  Support the family.  When we do this the Image of God shines through for all to see.  We must try to burn our selfishness away and sacrifice and serve one another, starting with the people in our own homes.  Look around at the people in your home in thanksgiving, not bitterness.

When I was growing up my dad used to say to me, “The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother.”  I believe that.  I was blessed to have that.  I know not everyone was.  All I can say is love your family.  Sacrifice for your family. The love that you give there can spread to the rest of society.  Children should be seen as gifts and not burdens.  Families should be a place where love is seen openly. If you have a broken family, forgive, heal, and love your family where they are now.  See the image of God in your family.

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Practice what you Preach

Posted on February 3, 2014 by veilofveronica

“Why do you not practice what you preach?” -St. Jerome

My birthday was a week or so ago.  I have hit the age where my arms are not long enough to make the words I try to read legible.  Things don’t look and feel the way they used to.  I decided we needed to celebrate so as not to get depressed by the state of my body.  Jason and I went to an expensive restaurant in town.  We NEVER go to expensive restaurants, but on my birthday, armed with a gift card, we decided to go.

This restaurant is the kind you want to dress nicely for.  The meal I order for myself will cost more than feeding the entire family, several times, from the Costco menu.  I was excited.  Queen for a day, I thought!

As you can imagine, I thought I was in for a treat.  But when I got there I was disappointed at first.  You see, our waitress wasn’t doing a very good job of making me feel like a Queen. She did not bring us menu’s.  She did not even look at us.  She asked us what we wanted to drink, and being that I didn’t have a menu, I asked for a House red wine.  Every time she came to the table, she sighed and audible sigh, as if we were putting her out by sitting at the table.  We did finally get one menu, to share between the two of us.  We placed our order, which elicited another sigh.  When our order came, it was wrong.  Jason advised her that what she had brought was not a filet, and I pointed out some missing items.  A very frustrated waitress left and went to go get the correct order.

In the past, all of this would have made me angry.  I would perhaps have thought about not leaving a tip, and reporting her to her manager.  After all, we were paying a lot for this meal.  We deserved better treatment! It was MY DAY, and I AM THE QUEEN!  But in the spirit of everything I have experienced and written about, I decided to take a different approach.  I decided to practice what I have been preaching to see if there was a way to spread love in this situation that in that past would have only elicited anger.

She came back to the table and she brought the correct order, mumbling a sorry under her breath.  I asked her if everything was okay.  She said she was fine.  I stopped, touched her arm, and said, “no really, is everything okay?”  She began to cry.  I told her that whatever it was that was bothering her that God loved her and tomorrow would be a better day. Then she began her story.  She and her husband had just separated.  She had a 5 year old, two jobs, and now she thinks she is pregnant, she was exhausted.  Through her tears she asked me to cut into my steak so I could see if it was okay.  She was trying to do her job still in the midst of her agony.   I told her not to worry about my steak.  I realized her sighs were not about us being at her table, they were sighs about her own life and situation.  I again told her God loved her.  I gave her some information and phone numbers for our local pregnancy resource center.  I told her to have hope.  I wrote her a note and told her to read Psalm 23 when she got home, because I believe the “Valley of the Shadow of Death” is a real place we sometimes walk through and we need to remember that God is with us.  That there will be a time when our cup will overflow again.  At the end of it all, she hugged me and told me she loved me.  I saw her go to the new table that came in, with a smile, and two menu’s.  I think and I hope her night got better.  My prayer is that God will guide her through this difficult time.

As I stated in a previous post, another blogger had helped to open my eyes even more to the fact that everyone has a story.  Everyone needs grace and mercy. The old me would have been disappointed and angry.  The old me would probably have made her night much worse.  How many times had I caused a spiral of despair to get worse?  No more.  The new me cried when I left.  It was a good birthday.  God gave me a great birthday gift.  The gift of seeing through the eyes of love.

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Feel the Feeling

Posted on January 24, 2014 by veilofveronica

“God had one Son on earth without sin, but never one without suffering.” St. Augustine

Today, for some reason, I can’t get my friend Jenifer off my mind.  Jenifer, like Veronica, also passed away in 2010, in February.  It had been almost a year since I had spoken to her when she passed away.  You see, Jenifer was riddled with addiction.  She was a beautiful, young, loving mother of two children.  She suffered anxiety and depression, and she turned to substance abuse to help her cope.  Her death came as a shock to me.  I will probably never know if it was an accident or on purpose, but I can’t think in my heart that she would have ever purposefully left those children she loved so much if the substance abuse hadn’t taken hold of her.

I have to be honest here.  I was angry with Jenifer.  She had actually put my children’s lives in danger, unbeknownst to me at the time, but when I found out, that is when I put my foot down.  In an effort to protect my children, I ended the relationship and told her to get help.  I offered to help her find that help.  A little over a year later she was dead.  I felt guilty.  I had to forgive her and forgive myself for feeling like I didn’t do enough.  I pray for her everyday knowing that our loving God is filled with Divine Mercy, especially for those who hurt so much inside.

In reflection, I thought about how we live in a world that tries to stop suffering of any kind at all costs.  If we get anxious or depressed we pop a pill, or drink a drink.  We have a pharmaceutical industry that makes millions off of pills for our pain.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating that a person that needs help should not take a doctor’s prescription medication, especially if you have a diagnosed condition.  I personally have taken it myself and it greatly helped me in the past with my postpartum anxiety and depression.  I think counseling helps too.  But I am saying, maybe we shouldn’t try so hard to not feel our feelings. Sometimes maybe, we should walk through those feelings.  If we get stuck in them, we need to get help.  But why is it so bad to feel? Why do we try to numb the pain so much?  I think when we push all of those feelings away, that is when panic attacks or anxiety or depression can really take over.  And then the roller coaster of numbing it all takes place.  We numb and the feelings bubble up with physical symptoms.

I just think we should recognize the feeling and embrace it.  Once in a while we need a good cry especially if we are grieving.  If we are afraid and have worry and panic, what is it really that we are afraid of?  In my own life, I boiled my fear and anxiety down to a fear of dying.  That was it, the underlying fear in all of my worry was a fear of death, or death of someone I loved.  I now know for certain there is hope on the other side of death.   Jesus tells us to not be afraid.  Once I addressed this fear, it wasn’t so frightening anymore.  God showed me the beauty of this Life so imagine what the beauty of the next will be like.  I also know the anxiety can be from past experiences or from childhood, or from any litany of things.  I asked Jesus to place his cross between me and the events that caused my anxiety.  The Cross broke the chains of our sin.  The Cross can break the chains of anything.  The Cross is true freedom because the Cross is built out of True Love.  I visually pictured the Cross of Christ in between me and the event that caused me pain.  If in your life someone or something has caused you pain, visualize the Cross of Christ in between you and the person, or the event.  Then lay that pain right there.  Right at Jesus’ feet, He can handle it.

We all know Jesus took on humanity, which means, he took on those feelings. He suffered pain and agony for us. Hebrews 2:14-15 tells us, “Now since the children share in blood and flesh, he likewise shared in them, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and free those who through fear of death had been subject to slavery all their life.”

Think about that for a minute.  The verse talks about being freed from slavery and that we are enslaved because of fear of death. This means Christ can break the slavery of sin, and of anything that brings death to your life.  Anxiety was a sort of death for me.  It kept me from living life the way I wanted.  It literally, in my opinion, caused the death of my friend, who had become a slave to addiction because of anxiety.

If we allow ourselves to feel the pain, how much more joyous will our lives be when the pain passes and the joy comes.  Allow yourself to feel the pain, but know in your heart the hope.   I think trying to fight or bury the pain will bring it at you with a vengeance.  Feeling the pain, embracing it, and letting it go, giving it to Jesus, that will bring you joy.

Remember, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”  Romans 15:13

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Loving in a world of Hate

Posted on January 18, 2014 by veilofveronica

“A mild answer turns back wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  The tongue of the wise pours out knowledge, but the mouth of fools spews folly.  The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.  A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse one breaks the spirit.” Proverbs 15:1-4

When I watch or read the news I tend to get discouraged about the state of the world. From murder, to robbery, to domestic violence etc.  It all seems so overwhelming and depressing.  It seems the worst of mankind is everywhere.  But as I have said many times before, the only person I can control is myself and my reaction.  How can I make my world, here, in this southern town, be a better world?

I read another blogger at Everyday Grace a little while back who told an amazing story you may have already read.  She was screamed and cursed at by another woman at a Starbucks. Instead of screaming back, she looked through the eyes of love, and bought the woman coffee.  That changed everything, for both women.  By that small act of kindness, the anger was stopped in it’s tracks.

I took a  look around me, at all the other people close to me, neighbors, the people in traffic, at the general hustle and bustle of life.  Everybody is suffering something. Everybody gets frustrated and angry.  Is there anything, anything at all, that I can do to make someone else’s life a little easier?  A little less frustrating?

Keeping this thought in mind, I also had to realize where I am in my life.  I am a wife and a mother of 3 growing children.  I have a dog (I had two dogs, one just recently died in my arms), a lizard, two part-time jobs, and I am a room mom for 3rd grade.  If I over extended myself, I know I would become the frustrated, angry, yelling person and that would not be good for anyone.  As much as I want to save the whole world in one fell swoop, God has let me know that is His job, and I have but a small part in doing His will right where I am right now.

I began to talk to my dad.  My dad is awesome.  My dad often thinks of others, and I noticed him doing some little things in his sleepy retirement beach community when I would go visit.  On trash day my 75 year old dad would go and put all the neighbors trashcans back in their yard after the trash was picked up.  He would tell me, “well, Mrs. So and So has bad knees, she shouldn’t have to drag that thing back up there.”  He compliments people all the time with a positive word.  After witnessing the simple act of moving a trashcan, I thought, I can do that!  So, as I said, I began to look around me.  I have neighbors all around, we all speak and say hi to one another, but how was I as a neighbor?  I started to notice some things like, some people who work multiple jobs have a hard time getting their lawn mowed in the summer.  I decided, if I was already mowing my lawn, it wouldn’t take much to pop over and mow theirs too.  I recognized too that I cook dinner for my own family every night, so when I began to get emails that others needed help with dinner, I thought I can just double it. These are the things that are within my means to spread love and kindness.

I don’t know if mowing a lawn or making a dinner does anything to help another’s mood, but I know these are the simple things God asked me to do.  Sometimes, I am not able to do even those things, but I am always able to pray for someone else.  I am always encouraged when someone says they are praying for me, and so that is one thing I always try to do for others.  I believe in the power of prayer.  Chances are if you have asked me, I have written your name in my journal and asked God to bless you.  Even if you haven’t asked, I may be praying for you too.

I don’t tell you these things to be like, “oh, look at me, I’m great, I help people.”  In fact, I can still very much be known to get frustrated and complain.  I tell you these things because I have struggled with being depressed about the world, and with feeling out of control about how to live in a world where evil sits on the front page of every newspaper. God put it on my heart to stop the frustration, anger and depression with me.  To pay forward kindness and love.  He put it there because of my friend Veronica.  Depression makes us look inward at ourselves and our woes, God asked me to look up and outward toward others.  He asked me to be His servant, and I am trying my very best to listen, though I still struggle sometimes.

I have in the past been known to yell back at others who yell at me, to want to seek revenge of some sort or wish something bad upon someone who hurt me.  I am trying and transforming with God’s help to no longer be that person.  I want to look through the eyes of love and empathy.  So next time someone is yelling at you, or that homeless person asks you for money, stop, think about what you want to put forward into the world.  Look through the eyes of love, and don’t let someone else’s anger or frustration turn into yours.

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