Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord. He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land. “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:5-9
I want to relay to you all some revelations that have come upon me that started on my retreat and continued in the days to follow. While I was on retreat we walked the Stations of the Cross. I had been asked to read the Scripture that goes with each station. When I got to the 12th Station of the Cross, I had an inexplicable moment. I felt LOVE pour over me. I felt the Lord ask me, “will you die for me like I died for you?” In that moment, completely overwhelmed by LOVE, I answered, “Yes, Lord, joyfully I will.” I actually understood St. Perpetua and St. Felicity entering the arena singing in that moment. I felt this is the only way I can see myself dying, is for HIM. In the days that followed when I got home, I realized the gravity of what I agreed to. But I also realized, every single day He has been asking me to die. Asking me to die to self. He has presented me with opportunity after opportunity to say Yes to him and no to my own will and my own wants and desires.
It has sometimes been humiliating. But in my humiliation, I have clung closer and closer to Him. Trust and abandonment to Him are becoming my reality. One particular week I felt I had not been validated by people. I had been kicked while I was down, continually. I was lamenting to the Lord about it. The Lord actually told me that He placed those people around me for a reason, because they would help make me holy. He actually told me to be grateful for this. The only validation I need is from Him. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME. We are all so inherently selfish, and he has shown me this in myself. Selfishness keeps us from living a full life as a Golden Soul of God. My Spiritual Director told me if it was about our feelings and about what we want, Mother Theresa would have quit after two months (I think she probably would have quit sooner than that). It was her total reliance on God that enabled her perseverance in the face of hostility that she was facing. TOTAL RELIANCE ON GOD. NOT ON OUR OWN EGO. That is the continual message I receive.
These times we live in are confusing. Even within the church itself their is confusion. The Lord tells me to keep my eyes on HIM because HE IS TRUTH. He shows me Mary, and her example of total reliance. As I was praying the other day for the church, the Pope, our Bishops, Priests, and Lay People, I was meditating on the Confusion, and I felt Our Lady show me a very clear picture (only part of which I will relay here as the rest I shared with my Spiritual Director). He is a bit of what I was shown;
A Priest I recognized was on a hill. I was actually floating in the air next to Mary as she showed me these things. She was standing above the Priest on the hill. She had a sword in her hand. The sword was dripping with blood which I innately knew to be the blood of her Son. The sword was marked with the words, “Seven Dolors”. She plunged the sword into the Priest’s chest, into his heart, and his heart opened and roses began flowing out. She then went behind him and wrapped her mantle around him and placed her hands on his heart. Then, as if she was in multiple places, she took me up to the sky over the earth. I could still see her holding the Priest. I had an eagle eye view of the world. I could see many Priests and lay people where she was doing the same thing to them. And roses were flowing out of their hearts and she had her mantle wrapped around all of them and her hands on their hearts. Beautiful roses flowed everywhere. Showed me many other things, but what was impressed upon me very much was that these roses would get rid of any confusion. That people who have given their YES to God, like Mary did are going to help dispel the confusion with the grace that they are given by God. They are people who seek to have their own ego stripped and seek to be filled with the Divine Will of God.
There are weapons to use in this battle to dispel confusion. Obviously the Sacraments, especially Eucharist and Confession are powerful weapons. But also, as I have said before, the Rosary — getting your community to pray the Rosary together. There is a book called, “Champions of the Rosary” by Father Donald Calloway, that is well worth the read. We also have the powerful Divine Mercy chaplet, the Saint Michael prayer and the use of Sacramentals. As we see all the turmoil in the world, ask God to strip you of your ego, to make your will one with His, and go out into your communities and pray.
Every day they devoted themselves to meeting together in the temple area and to breaking bread in their homes. They ate their meals with exultation and sincerity of heart, praising God and enjoying favor with all the people. And every day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved. Acts 2:46-47