The Great Illumination of Conscience and Our Disordered Desires
The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Genesis 3:25
I was pondering our disordered desires the other day. How pornography has pervaded our society and sexual sin is everywhere.
I remembered being taught that John Paul the II in his homilies on the Theology of the Body said that there is no part of the body that isn’t worth kissing. This is a true statement of beauty, but in our pornographic society, oh how we twist it.
I was talking to God about it, and he just said, “Judas betrayed with a kiss.” And I wept.
And the Lord went further and said to me, “Eve consumed herself. I want you to consume me. Adam consumed Eve. I want you to consume me. I AM the tree of Life. “
When they fell from free will’s choice the concupiscence disordered our desires so we seek to consume the wrong thing. I prayed for the Lord to heal us from our disordered desires.
He answered, “I heard you in the garden; but I was afraid, because I was naked, so I hid.” Genesis 3:10
I was left wondering, if Adam and Eve had just confessed instead of hiding and pointing fingers, what would have happened?
Today I went on a retreat and the Priest had us pondering Jesus’ baptism, and sent us off in silence. The following is what I heard the Lord speak to me about in my silent time. I know many people have different views on the Illumination of Conscience. I don’t know the correct answer. I know the Lord speaks to me about it though. If the church came out and said what I have written is wrong, then the church is correct and I am wrong. Know that as you discern what I write.
In pondering the baptism of Jesus, we know that he didn’t need baptism. He sanctified the waters for us. But I closed my eyes to try to picture what his baptism would look like. And in my prayer I saw Jesus naked and unashamed. I thought of how people might look at that and be ashamed themselves, or perhaps have a disordered thought. But for Jesus, he was naked and unashamed, nothing to hide from the Father, it was beautiful, and the heavens opened up;
And a voice came from the heavens, saying, “This is my beloved Son,* with whom I am well pleased.” Matthew 3:17
Purity and Innocence with nothing to hide from the Father, cleansed the waters for our baptism to do the same for us.
But the Lord took me further and showed me the Cross. There on the cross was Jesus, naked. He was pure and innocent, hiding nothing from the Father, bearing all of our sins. Taking our shame, but not ashamed Himself, not hiding.
For there is nothing hidden that will not become visible, and nothing secret that will not be known and come to light. Luke 8:17
God makes all things transparent. Our sin laid bare on the cross. We try to hide, but there is no hiding. The cross is an Illumination of what we have done and it is why when we experience the great illumination of conscience we will see a Cross in the sky;
…All light in the heavens will be extinguished, and there will be a great darkness over the whole earth. Then the sign of the cross will be seen in the sky, and from the openings where the hands and feet of the Savior were nailed will come forth lights which will light the earth for a period of time. This will take place shortly before the last day. Diary of Saint Faustina 83
It is fitting that from these wounds, the only man made thing in heaven, that the light of illumination would pour over us. For it is only in illuminating what has been hiding that the God of the universe can heal us. We need to see what we have done so we can accept His mercy.
He wants to redeem not only our souls, but our bodies, our sexuality, all of our being. Our sins have been hidden in the recesses of our hearts with disordered desire and it has reaped destruction upon our souls, our emotions and our bodies.
He can make all things new. A movement back to His Will. He can present His bride, the church, as a pure and holy virgin before the Father. Body and Soul redeemed.
For I am jealous of you with the jealousy of God, since I betrothed you to one husband to present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. 2 Corinthians 11:2