I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20
I can see God purifying me in this process of caring for my parents. Dad is in hospice and Mom is on palliative care. With my parents everyday is something new, something wrong with them. I often wake up in the morning and my first thought is, did they make it through the night? I wonder everyday, is this the day one of them will die? I try to live in the now, but often each new day brings new worry. I pray and I let it go and then the next thing comes. The feeling of security often eludes me.
I say all that to say, I see God is placing me in a situation of unknowing. He is allowing me to be uncomfortable. And each and every day I learn to trust Him more. My security is solely in Him. I become quicker to respond in trust even when it is hard. I realize as my physical body is tired from lifting them, and emotionally tired from the insecurity of it, that God is deeply deeply purifying me. I know I wouldn’t have been able to handle this in years past. It’s how I know that God is so infinitely good.
If you remember my post partum depression, back when I literally wanted to kill myself, I was a mess of a daughter of God. But the Lord healed my daughterhood. And as I sat down this morning a friend pointed out to me that now God is redeeming my Motherhood. I am spiritually working through the same insecurities I had all those years ago, only this time I can discern the voice of Satan and dispel all those lies. This time God has walked me to a place where I am purging those sins that had let the enemy speak to me. This time the parenting is harder, my parents care is harder, but this time I am stronger, only through the Grace of God. He has taken me by the hand and led me where I don’t want to go, but it is for my own purification which is a stunningly beautiful thing.
Very truly, I tell you, when you were younger, you used to fasten your own belt and to go wherever you wished. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will fasten a belt around you and take you where you do not wish to go.” John 21:18
None of us really ever want to face death. It is the place we don’t want to go. And I am on the precipice with my mom and dad taking me there. And I see the hand of God so clearly and so beautifully in it. He isn’t taking the suffering away. He gives meaning to it. He is helping me to look up at the cross for through it is the only way to Redemption.
Every night I pray for the Lord to show me my soul and to purify it. Every time he shows me my soul I cry. When you stand before the love and purity of God you see how far away you are from it and you understand the free gift of mercy he gives. It is that mercy that elevates you and I cry for those who won’t accept it.
And I said: “Woe is me! I am lost, for I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips; yet my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” Then one of the seraphs flew to me, holding a live coal that had been taken from the altar with a pair of tongs. The seraph touched my mouth with it and said: “Now that this has touched your lips, your guilt has departed and your sin is blotted out.” Isaiah 6:5-7
I believe that many souls reject God’s mercy here in this life. They reject extending it and receiving it. And when they come to their judgment they will reject it again because having never known Him, they won’t be able to stand the sight of themselves in light of the Glory of God before them. There is no selfishness in God and there is so much of it in us. I believe this is why Saint after Saint saw souls pour into hell. And why Saint after Saint dedicated themselves to praying for poor sinners. It is our prayer, in the midst of suffering, that helps poor sinners, receive Gods mercy.
Saint Jacinta Marto
O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fire of hell. Lead all souls to Heaven, especially those who are most in need of thy mercy.
Most people who see the state of their soul before God know they don’t deserve the mercy; thus they blaspheme the Holy Spirit. The prayer of the Communion of Saints for poor sinners can drown out the voice of blasphemy so people don’t reject God’s mercy and they are saved. God is looking for the willing souls, the saints who cooperated with His saving of humanity to be loud enough for the acceptance of His mercy which exudes charity. Throughout time these people have helped hold up humanity so God can elevate us. Be one of these people, the world so desperately needs it right now.
Mom and Dad holding hands in their hospital beds
Please continue to pray for my family.
Veil of Veronica 
May God continue to bless all of you!
Thank you.
Praying for you and for your parents!
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Thank you so much.
I am honored to pray for you. I have read your beautiful, honest, inspiring writing for years. I have never written a comment but I understand your current circumstance firsthand. May God continue to keep you close and strong in His merciful love
Thank you so much. God Bless you.
In this year of St. Joseph, May St. Joseph (the patron Saint of a happy death) particularly bless and assist your parents during this time. As Catholics we truly live to die. A happy death is the fulfillment of our lives. Ask their Priest for the Apostolic Pardon if at all possible. The day we die is either the greatest day of our lives, or the worse, and that is totally up to us. May your parents have that single greatest day of their lives when God decides the time is right. May you find the peace of God even with all the hardships. May God, the communion of Saints, and the Angels assist you and your family.
Thank you so much.
What a moving message. Like you I had a difficult post partum, so I could really identify with what you were saying. I lost my parents several years ago and in the midst of the pain I could actually feel the presence of grace from the prayers of my friends and family. I hope you feel it too.
Prayers continue for you and your parents.
Thank you so much.
Thank you for this post. It helped me understand what God did for me when I passed through a similar crucible. I am not the same.
God Bless you.
Thank you so much Veronica for pouring your heart out to us…
Sharing how God has showed you in His way what you needed…and your “yes” in response
I too am going through a bit of this in the last year…. as of a week ago, my 88 yo mom has come to live with us permanently. My dad passed 8 years ago …it’s been hard for mom adapting to being a widow after 60 years of marriage. While somewhat healthy, her mind is failing. Having this 24/7, well this is the hard part. Realize so many of us are in this position ….I just get upset at myself, I have no right to lament.
I need the purification, but each hour, each day, trying to get through the week has been exhausting mentally and spiritually. Know it’s going to be only by the grace of God I’ll get by. I’m trying anew every hour. Being alone in the Blessed Sacrament before mass to recharge every morning is truly Gods answer. I’m SO thankful … it’s only a mile to our chapel.
Thanks again for pointing to what we know in our hearts but not always acknowledge ….that our Lord is walking beside us.
God bless you ♥️
PrayIng for your mom and dad as they make this journey and your continued trust in God
I lament a lot, and I may or may not be known to snipe at my husband 😂. We have learned to give each other grace. When I do lament I try to do it to God while also praising God. One day hopefully he will lift me past lament.
God Bless you for taking care of your mom and don’t be too hard on yourself, just keep returning to and inviting God in.
Oops, meant “Susan” , sorry…that’s where my mind has been lately.🥴 Your comment about snipe at husband brought a smile .,,,as we too have had “episodes”. But also as a result our spontaneous “hugs”…so I’m calling that a grace from God! Thanks for the advice.,.we just keep on keeping on.,,,with Our Lord of course✝️
Susan, this is a great piece. Costly but much good will ensue. Mark is right about getting the Apostolic Pardon, not the Apostolic Blessing which is the older one. You might have to do some phone hunting to find a priest who can do it. I don’t know if it’s new but most priests here (N.O.) are not familiar with it & think we’re referring to the Blessing. With the Pardon the person bypasses purgatory if he is in a state of grace when he receives it and if he is still in a state of grace when he dies.
Thankfully I know several Priests who will do the Apostolic Pardon. One of the Blessings of working for the church. Thank you and God Bless you.
Prayers for you and your parents at this poignant time in your lives. God is Good always. He will come to them as He just came to my mother. In Peace. And He will give you complete Peace as well when this happens. Trust… It is His Magnificent Will and Timing…
Amen
Thank you for your beautiful writing. I experienced God’s abundant grace this past year while caring for my mom. She died last month, thinking she would have lived longer. I realized the past year was all for our purification – my mom and mines. The sufferings and challenges helped us draw closer to God, especially the 13 hours after she was taken of respirator. We prayed and sang until her last breath. I wouldn’t want it to be any different. I believe my mom is closer to Heaven now than if she hadn’t suffered. I’m learning to trust more in God’s goodness despite all my heartache.
Your family and your parents will be in my prayers. God blessings
Beautiful Claudia. I am so very sorry for your loss.
May your mom rest in peace.
And may God Bless you abundantly.
Prayers for you, your family, and your dear parents. I went through a similar situation with my parents. My mom died on Ash Wednesday in 2003 at the age of 63, due to cancer. Almost 5 years to the day, my dad died in my home, also due to cancer. I still miss them. I am grateful for being able to spend their last days, weeks, months with them, it was painful, but it was an answered prayer. I had asked the Lord to be with them, when I found out they each were terminal.🙏🏻💒
May God bless you abundantly in this time.🙏🏻💒
Thank you and God Bless you.
Susan, I look forward to reading whatever you write. You love your parents so much, I can see that in your writing. I wish I could have been with my parents as they spent their last days. Not so much for them, but for me. My siblings saw to their needs, but I miss them so much and they lived their last days and died when I lived a thousand miles away. I could only speak with them on the phone and visit periodically and that felt so inadequate. Thank you for sharing a journey that I need to take also, somehow. God bless you and your mom & dad, as well as your entire family.
Barb
Thank you so much.
“I become quicker to respond in trust even when it is hard”.
Actual Grace becomes Sanctifying Grace. Amazing…..
Like you always remind us here : God is so Good. All the Time.
Amen.
Thank you for this post, your words touched my soul. May your parents be blessed with the presence of Jesus when they are called to be with him in everlasting joy.
Thank you and God Bless you.
You write well and beautifully cousin. I am glad to have found your blog!
Thanks Cousin. So good to hear from you.
Your parents are blessed to have you taking care of them. May God give you the strength and peace you need during this time, and give your parents the grace of a happy death. Your reward later will be great!
Thank you and God Bless you!!
My Love and prayers for your precious parents❤🌹
Fiat! God be praised in all things. May the Divine Will give you the Courage of Christ. I cover you all with the cloak of St. Joseph.
Very purifying experience. Painful.
Holy Family – please be with them on their way.
Blessed Mother, please pray the Precious Blood over them all, heal them all spiritually – that they grow in the virtues needed to enter Your Kingdom.
God love you and all yours,
Tim
Thank and God Bless you.
Within the context of this article, when I saw the pic of you and your Dad, I cried.
An encapsulation of generations of moral beauty. I don’t like to think of myself as a soy-boy but I was touched.
Awe, thank you. God Bless you.
Wow – your post and everyone’s comments touched me deeply. We just lost my mother last month and I am trying to help Dad cope, after 61 years of marriage. Like others said, her death has taught us a lot, especially about unconditional love and forgiveness. My brothers & I are now much closer, and I realize that Dad has a lot of knowledge to impart to us all. God, our Blessed Mother, and St Joseph have been, and continue to be with me through everything, and I pray that they accompany you and all who read this.
Thank you and God Bless you. I am sorry for the loss of your mom. May she rest in peace and may blessings be abundantly poured upon you.
I was a hospice chaplain for many years. I was privileged and challenged to care for both parents for their final years of life.
My prayers are with you and your dear parents.
Thank you and God Bless