The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works. Psalm 145:9

This week most of my family and I went on vacation to 30A Redfish Village, Santa Rosa Beach, Florida. I was so looking forward to it because it has been a long while since we have been on vacation.

We attended Mass at Saint Rita in Santa Rosa, a wonderful little parish. Tropical Storm Bertha also hit while we were there, and in a quite surreal moment, made the lights go out at Mass during a Confirmation of an OCIA participant. The Church itself looked like an upside down ark and it wasn’t lost on me, the red flags on the beach and the strong storm waves, a warning of sorts. Get on the Ark! Time is short!

I did a lot of praying and also of thanking God while I was there. If you have been reading my blog at all, you know the storms I personally have been through. I felt torn down. I am being rebuilt again. It gives a new meaning to “rebuild my church”, when you know you yourself are a temple, but your temple needs purging of pride.

And the Lord continues to reveal. I don’t know why, but while I was there I asked the Lord for a Conch Shell. Over the years I have collected shells from all the beaches I have been to. I keep them in glass containers on my back porch. I have shells from; Bethany Beach, DE, Amelia Island, Fl, Naples, Fl, Harpers Ferry, WV, Saint Joseph County Park, IN, Tybee Island, GA, Destin, Fl, Makarska, Croatia, Miramar, Fl, San Diego, CA, and probably some I don’t remember. It’s my little way of bringing each place God let me visit to my home. Anyway, I asked the Lord for a Conch Shell while I was in Florida this week, and then for some reason, I said, “even a small one Lord.”

So on Wednesday we went to Grayton State Beach State Park I found the small Conch Shell in the picture above. I thanked the Lord for answering my prayer, but the Lord said to me, “why did you doubt?” I stayed silent. He said, “why did you say, even a small one Lord?” “Do you not know my goodness? You doubted. That’s why you said that.” And in listening, I knew it was true. I knew that had I not said that I would be holding a giant Conch Shell rather than a small one. I actually cried. And I apologized to the Lord for my lack of belief.

Later, after I had come home, I was examining my conscience for sin. I know from working in deliverance ministry that sin is the open door that lets the devil speak to you. I had two lies I believed growing up. One was that I was stupid. The open door of sin for me to grab hold of that lie was envy of my brother and sisters for their academic excellence. I knew this. But I struggled understanding what my sin was that led me to believe I wasn’t wanted. God spoke. He said, “you didn’t believe in my goodness. You didn’t believe that I wanted you, even though I created you. And in fact, that is the root of almost all sin. Adam and Eve could be easily convinced of the particular good of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil because they did not trust my goodness.”

Again, I cried. People can be convinced they cannot live without a particular pleasure because they doubt in God’s goodness. Even if they realize they need to break their habit of the pleasure they are addicted to, they will fail if they do not rely on the goodness of God.

God alone is good. (Mark 10:18)

Our life is not one of control of ourselves, even though the world would have us think we are in control of everything. Our life is one of consent to cooperation with the grace of God. The devil may think he can get you addicted to a particular pleasure. And you may try and try to break it. But unless you surrender to the grace of God and believe that he is good, you will fail. We all must turn to the sanctifying grace of God. It is found in surrender to the Sacraments of the Church. All other roads lead to perdition.

The devil has no power over God’s goodness. The devil will get you stuck in a cycle of shame. But God, and his mercies, well they are tender and over all his works, and he will show you who you truly are. And it will make you weep because what He wants is better than you could ever imagine.

Lord, I am sorry I doubted you. I will sing of your goodness all the days of my life.