Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8:17

I know it has been awhile since I have written anything. I have been just trying to “be” with God. I have been trying to not have an agenda, not expect, not lament, just be.

It has been about 2.5 years since my mom passed away and honestly, I felt I was lost and tired for a time. My health had tanked, my spirit was exhausted. I spent time thinking, “my God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” He was silent a long while. I know I have spoken before about how he broke the silence, asking me a question, “do you still love me?” He wanted to know, did I love Him for Him, or did I love Him for the signs and wonders that He had once poured upon me.

I still loved and do love Him; even more than I can say. I remember His mercy and all He had and has done for me. In the past two years the Lord has taken me to a new level. I am going to speak about two conversations He had with me that have really and truly changed me. They have led me to a new level of surrender, and with each new level of surrender comes a joyful freedom that I have not previously experienced. It is deliverance from evil.

The first incident, I know I have spoken about in my talks, but I am not sure if I have written them down. If I have, pardon me for not remembering.

I was on retreat at Bethany House. I had come on retreat troubled because I had an awareness that whenever anyone called me I had an interior movement of feeling like I was in trouble. If work, or home called, I would automatically think, “what did I do wrong”? I took this to prayer on the retreat and the Lord revealed to me a moment from my childhood.

I was probably two or three years old. Mom was making dinner. I snuck in the kitchen and stole a cookie from the cookie jar. Mom saw me. She said “you little thief!” And I took those words into my soul at an age when I probably couldn’t even reason. The Lord showed me that from that point forward I thought I was bad. He also showed me my Mom did NOT think I was bad. It is just how the demonic can use the words we speak to twist perception, even if the person speaking it didn’t intend real harm. The Lord spoke clearly to me;

“What I made is good. You are not to judge yourself”.

What came next was sobbing. I did not have to fear the phone call. I did not have to fear the judgment; the judgment demons had trained me to exact upon myself – that was not of God. I could let go of the idea that I am bad. I had an understanding that when I fall, I must confess, do penance, and then I must let it go because if I don’t then God isn’t my Savior and I am just trying to save myself, which is impossible. There shall be no more scrupulosity, no more wallowing in my sin or imperfections, just a acknowledgment of my wrong, a sincere penance, and a handing them immediately to God, with clear forward movement. The Spirit is forward motion.

A few weeks later the Lord took me even deeper. He showed me something that I don’t know that I can verify, but I do believe to be true, because of the fruit it produced.

This time I was all the way back in the my mother’s womb. A tiny human girl, sucking my thmb in the amniotic fluid of my mother’s womb. Mom had planned 3 children with dad. She had 4. I was nuumber 4. The Lord showed me that when I was conceived and my mom found out she was pregnant with me, she sobbed. This is what the Lord spoke to me;

“You were bathed in sadness”.

That statement alone explained much of my childhood and teen years. The constant feeling of needing to achieve, to earn love, the constant feeling of not being good enough. He showed me too how overwhelmed my mom felt and how she felt she couldn’t do it, but that she did do it, because she loved God and she did love me even though she didn’t know me yet. But the sadness was there. I felt an overflowing empathy for my mother; an overflowing of forgiveness for her. It’s how I know it was God. I didn’t judge her, I saw her, and I loved her more for loving me when it was hard. And the Lord spoke again.

“I was not sad when I created you. I created you from love and for love. You are made in my image. I want to share my glory with you.”

And I gained a new level of freedom. This was God standing me on solid foundation. When you know in the depths of your soul that you are loved, you were created by love, and for love, you stand on solid foundation. You can operate in freedom in the world because your spirit is healed. It does not matter what the world throws at you. You operate not from feelings but from your spirit which stands on solid rock.

Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” Matthew 7:24-27

I experienced God’s goodness and plan for me. What I do know is that God absolutely is protective of his glory. He doesn’t just give it to anyone. But He does want to incorporate His people into His Glory. We see that in the story of the transfiguration. And of course He showered it on the Blessed Virgin Mary, but He wants to share it with His people, including you and including me;

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

And so, I write to you this evening to tell you of the Glory God wants to share. He has, in my prayer, called me, “A prophet of hope.” At first I wanted to deny this. How could I possibly be someone who the Lord could use that way? Questioning like Moses at the burning bush. But as the Lord revealed to me these healing moments, I do understand, who am I to question who He can use? I am to tell you, He does not want you to lose Hope, He wants you to surrender to His love and experience the Glory He wants to share. He loves you, creating you from love and for love. Know this in your whole being.

We live in perilous times. The news media stories are crushing. The sin is big. But where sin abounds grace abounds all the more (Romans 5:20). So my friends do not doubt what the Lord can do with you. Do not doubt that He has a plan for you in these times. Do not judge yourself. Just bring yourself with honesty before the Lord and surrender to who you are in Him and let Him shower His Glory upon you.

Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. 1 Corinthians 4:2-4