In the time since my heart was melted and transformed the thing I struggle with the most is the practicality of the day and the world we live in. Applying what was revealed to me to my everyday life. I know God loves me, and I now know how to pray. What still scares me and is hard is what He asks me to do. He showed me I needed to change. This made me want to tackle my vices. I won’t go into all of them here because they are mine to battle, but I will mention one. I mention this one because it is part of the bigger picture. If I am to transform into a person who spreads the love of God, then I have to start somewhere. So my vice that I will reveal, and if you know me well needs no revealing, is cursing and saying God’s name as a curse. I grew up in the North East and cursing doesn’t make anyone blink where I am from. It is part of the colloquial language up there. When I moved South, I noticed people here did not do this as much. They speak in slower softer tones, and the curse is not used often. It was refreshing. When I began to examine my conscience, I thought, what do I put out there? Is there poison coming out of my mouth? I thought of cursing and using God’s name, in particular, as a curse. I thought, this needs to stop. When the veil has been lifted, and you start to see clearly the world as God sees it, it hurts your heart to know what you have partaken in, even in the things that society perceives as no big deal. As I began to read the bible more and more, this kept popping up. Ephesians 4:29 tells us; “No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear.” and Sirach 28:13 tells us; “Let not your mouth form the habit of swearing, or becoming too familiar with the Holy Name.” And most important, God in His 10 Commandments told us not to do this. “You shall not take the name of the LORD, your God, in vain. For the LORD will not leave unpunished him who takes his name in vain.” Exodus 20:7
I was truly sorry for these things. But I was also scared to change them. I can tell a wickedly funny story (at least in my own mind), and a few curse words thrown in here and there, well they seem make it funnier. What would my friends think of me? Would they still think that I am funny? Our society thinks nothing of these words, nothing of using God’s name as a curse. I would be different if I stopped. But God wants me to be different. He wants me to belong to Him.
So goes my journey. It is a journey because, though in a moment I was changed, it takes longer than a moment to change ingrained behavior. I still curse. I am working on it. I no longer use God’s name as a curse though. So, my transformation makes headway, but is not complete. This is also not to say that I judge others who do this, but to say, I don’t want to use the name of my friend as a curse. If someone drove their car and got cut off and yelled “Susan Skinner! get out of my way you!” that would hurt me personally, so no more will I use Jesus’ name that way. If you are good friends with me, you know I am still working on the other kind of cursing. Each day I ask God for the grace to help me stop.
Many of you may think this is a strange post, and perhaps it is, but what God wants for us is SO much better than what we want for us so I am trying my best, with His help, to obey Him. When I slip up, I ask forgiveness. If it is a particularly hard day, I ask forgiveness a lot. Guess what? He always gives it.
As I said above, I have many other vices. I am working on all of them. This is the one I feel comfortable speaking about. If I stop cursing, will the world be saved? No, but I will no longer be spreading poison and darkness about, and that, well, it makes the world a little bit better.