My brethren, consider it a cause of great joy whenever you endure various trials,  for you know that the testing of your faith will develop perseverance.  And let perseverance complete its work so that you may become perfect and complete, and not be deficient in any respect. James 1:2-4

I am in Ann Arbor, Michigan this week finally completing my Spiritual Direction Certification through the Heart of Christ Program in partnership with the Avila Institute. It has been a long road to get here, as many of you may remember I had to pause my pursuit of this certification to care for my mom and dad.

After the death of my mother, I spent about a year just recovering. I slept a lot. It has really been just this year that I feel I have really started grieving my mom. I miss her. The her that I used to call daily just to chat. The her that before the dementia ravaged her brain – had once given me wisdom from on high.

Mom’s favorite Psalm was Psalm 91, the Psalm of protection. It was what we posted on her prayer card at her funeral. So when this week in the school we were asked to reflect upon Psalm 91 in our prayer I didn’t know how I was going to handle it. Those years caring for mom had almost crushed me, though I know that any crushing God was doing was to produce new wine. I went through a period where it felt like I lost everything. I had felt unsafe and unprotected. I didn’t feel at the time that the Psalm had been true for me. I was so exhausted and I was wavering. I had let the Lord know this, for I didn’t know where else I could go. So today when I reflected on the Psalm I felt the Lord speak to me. I am sharing this with you because I know many of you are suffering and the Lord wants you to know that your suffering is not in vain if you allow it to draw you near to him. If the church says what I have written is wrong, then the church is correct and I am wrong.

June 10, 2026

Beloved Lily of the Father,

Dwelling in the shelter of the Most High means that within you the Kingdom of God is at hand. It means that all ungodly ideology has been purged from your heart, soul and mind. As you progress in the Spiritual Life, access to the inheritance is opened because of new receptivity and docility. Suffering that draws you near draws you into the Kingdom power. But it is never power you should seek, it is charity you should seek. When you take a look back on your life can you not see that in the midst of what you said made you feel “unsafe”, that I was actually purging from you what was actually unsafe for your eternal soul? Ideologies and behaviors that are not of my Kingdom. I will not abide in idolatry of self and rebellion. Pride needs purging.

I AM. Cling to Me alone. That is where safety lies. In that perfection of love is the power to conquer even death. The psalm is the fulfillment of the Kingdom in you. Not because you earned it, but because you surrendered to it recognizing your identity in Me.

Fear not. You are loved. Become Love. If you love when you suffer there is rejoicing because bigger, harder love is something to rejoice about.

• The Most Holy Trinity

My friends, God knows what he is doing. He knows which crosses will perfect you if you let him. All is a gift. The closer you draw near to the Lord, the more your soul is in harmony in the middle of suffering.

To have harmony of the soul in the worst possible circumstances means that you have totally surrendered to the idea that God is nothing but goodness and love and that your suffering is not ever his fault. It is just a product of our fallen nature. He wants to divinize our nature but there is a lot of muck and mire that needs to go. This type of great suffering draws you near, it humbles you, so you no longer get in the way of God’s saving grace, and charity is infused. A place where love grows bigger than ever. How could there not be joy? Love is indwelling, demonic ideology is abolished and love is all that’s left.

Suffering brings this about to a greater degree because it is hard to accept and surrender to God’s goodness when we suffer and even harder to love in these circumstances, so when we do accept and surrender it is an enormous amount of charity that is infused. That is what we see in Saints. Stop doubting God’s goodness and watch the storm inside you become calm.

 But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For the doubter, being double-minded and unstable in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord. James 1: 6-8