Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved. Matthew 9:17
The news in the world is starting to look more bleak. As Russia bombs the Ukraine, you may find yourself looking at the storm instead of at Christ. We should continue to pray for this situation and continue to prepare our hearts and our homes.
I wanted to take this time to relay hope to you all. As always what happens in my prayer, is for your discernment. If the church says what I have written in wrong, the church is right and I am wrong.
On Monday, the feast of Saint Peter Damian, I went to Mass. Confession was happening prior to Mass and I pondered going for a repetitive sin that I confess often that I have been struggling with. But the line was long and I knew I wouldn’t make it in prior to Mass starting. In this case, my sin had not risen to the level of being mortal, so I knew my sin would be forgiven at the beginning of Mass. I decided instead to sit and speak with the Lord about it in the pew.
Over the years I have tried many human ways to rid myself of this sin. I have begged God to help me.
As I sat in the pew I told God I was clueless about how to stop. I told him that I do that which I don’t want to do. I give in to earthly desire when my heart doesn’t desire it. At this point I just asked the Lord to crush my concupiscence. Like totally crush it. I think previously I have avoided verbs like crush – because the suffering of crushing scares me. I ask God in prayer to be gentle with me a lot. I realized in that moment that God can be at once gentle and crushing so I didn’t need to be afraid to ask for concupiscence to be crushed. He is often a paradox.
I pondered Mary’s purity. I pondered how in her sinlessness she had no concupiscence. Her desires were the desires of God.
I realized this is because she is infused with Divine Grace.
Her life was a constant prayer.
I think and have mentioned before that Adam and Eve must have stopped praying. Eve had told the serpent something that wasn’t true, so she must not have been talking to God.
But with Mary, I just see Mary in prayer and this light emanating off of her that demons can’t penetrate. They just can’t get near her.
I began at this point to beg God to infuse me with Divine Grace because I realized there was nothing I can do to warrant it, except to ask Him for it. I am too weak. He tells us to ask.
As I was praying some images came into my head. I want to relay the one that was the most powerful which occurred when I repeatedly begged God to infuse me with Divine Grace. To please give me the gift, to crush my concupiscence so that I am one with the Trinity.
I realized I am nothing – but God can crush those demons. He can crush those who curse me.
Mary herself crushes these demons because she was an open vessel that God poured into. A woman who prayed without ceasing. This is why they fear her so much.
At this point we were at the Consecration at Mass. I look at Jesus in the host and then I close my eyes.
Then appeared in my head, the most beautiful woman. I knew it was Mary. She had what looked like a navy blue velvet mantle, the underside was red silk. It was like something royalty would wear. And it was heavy like she was dressed for winter. This royal cloak, being wrapped in it, keeps you warm during a cold winter.
Her eyes were like crystal. She was delicate and feminine, striking.
She put her hand up to her mouth and cupped it around the side of her mouth the way someone who was about to whisper would do. She said, “let it be done.”
Blue waves of light came out of her as she said it.
The light came directly at me and swept over my heart. I started to tear up at Mass.
I got an image in my head of an empty wine rack covered in cobwebs, but the cobwebs were blown off by the blue light. I heard the words “new wine”. I sensed that each space on that rack would be filled with a bottle, a vessel, representing individual people. It isn’t immediate, this is a process and this wine rack will be filled with God’s people. There would be many who would be “new wine”.
While what we are experiencing in the world seems terrifying, the surrender God is looking from you personally, your surrender to God, makes you an open vessel. He will make you into new wine if you let Him and you trust completely.
At this point I had received communion and was back in the pew crying pretty fully now.
After Mass I went to the old chapel and sobbed. I sobbed and sobbed about the goodness of God and what he is actually doing for us in the middle of this mess and I sobbed because people don’t know.
I had the word “feather” come to me and I remembered I had a feather in my bible. I opened my bible to find the feather and the feather was on Psalm 34.
I will bless the Lord at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2 My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and be glad.
3 O magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together!
4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me,
and delivered me from all my fears.
5 Look to him, and be radiant;
so your faces shall never be ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him,
and saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.
8 O taste and see that the Lord is good!
Happy is the man who takes refuge in him!
9 O fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no want!
10 The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
11 Come, O sons, listen to me,
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
12 What man is there who desires life,
and covets many days, that he may enjoy good?
13 Keep your tongue from evil,
and your lips from speaking deceit.
14 Depart from evil, and do good;
seek peace, and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous,
and his ears toward their cry.
16 The face of the Lord is against evildoers,
to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.
17 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears,
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,
and saves the crushed in spirit.
19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous;
but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
20 He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
21 Evil shall slay the wicked;
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
22 The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.
And this experience just leaves me even more with the feeling to pray for Priests and repair for them. That is what I walked away with. Mary is wanting to hearten her Priests and her people through them. I am in total awe of God. God Bless you all out there!