Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.
 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Proverbs 3:7

I went last night to the Good Friday Veneration of the Cross and I was struck by the second reading from Hebrews.

In the days when he was in the flesh, he offered prayers and supplications with loud cries and tears to the one who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence.  Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered;  and when he was made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him,  declared by God high priest according to the order of Melchizedek. Hebrews 5:7-10

He was heard because of his reverence. What a powerful statement. Some translations use the term “Godly fear.” This is a gift of the Holy Spirit.

I reflected on the years of spiritual journey and how the closer the Lord drew me in, the more I wanted to respond in reverence, turning to the ways of my ancestors who went before me, by receiving on the tongue, kneeling, and wearing a veil, even in situations where I would be questioned and made fun of for it. Though I know both liturgies are the Holy Sacrifice, in the times I have been to Latin Mass, I felt as though the Liturgy itself was set up to be more like the Nativity. Great care taken to make what needed to be private – private, and the handling of the Body of Christ a reverent handling, the way I pictured Mary and Joseph handling the Divine Child. The abuses I saw at the Novus Ordo Mass reminded me more of the Passion. The lack of reverent silence, the abuses of the Eucharist, there were even times I felt that watching the consecration was an intrusion. It’s hard for me to explain.

To be sure though, reverence is actually an interior disposition that, when embraced, can be shown outwardly. People can have fake piety where they think themselves better than another, but that isn’t reverence, it’s pride. Only God can actually judge what is happening inside a soul. But for me, the outward display was and is a recognition of how weak I am, how small I am, and how I wanted to be obedient to the Lord who I felt asked me to do these things.

Reverence is a Holy Fear of the Lord. It is the first step towards true charity. Charity doesn’t tell people only what they want to hear, but, in love, tells the truth. It is never meant to harm, but only to usher people towards the source of true healing, to the one who can make them whole. Charity is the cross.

The spiritual journey these past few years was accompanied by me caring for my mom and dad and watching as their bodies deteriorated. The past few years of their and my suffering made me to know all that really is important in this world is to love with a Godly love. Godly love is true. There is an acceptance of the things that are, that God has allowed to come, and a reliance on His Will that changes you. Though I can see what may need to be “fixed” I try to step back and ask the Lord if He wants my involvement before getting involved. Sometimes he does, sometimes it is someone else’s battle to fight. He has a task in mind for each of us. We need to pay attention and do what is asked. We always want to make room for the Holy Spirit to move.

When we recognize our weakness and reverently cry out to God, I do believe that is when God’s power is poured out. When we love and serve in the difficulty of life, grace rains down.

During this time period, the angels have left me in awe. I knew that my mother was being ministered to by angels and I cried one day all the way home after I read the following in Hebrews,

But to which of the angels has he ever said: “Sit at my right hand
    until I make your enemies your footstool”?  Are they not all ministering spirits sent to serve, for the sake of those who are to inherit salvation? Hebrews 1:13-14

I thought of how most of us, because of our concupiscence, would be like Satan choosing our own ego rather than serving. Our sin speaks to how we actually do this time and again. But the angels, who are so much higher in intellect than us, who are so much more powerful than us, still chose to minister to us and to serve us because they love God and that is what He asked them to do. What a humbling realization. They are doing what they were made for, serving us for the sake of our salvation, even though the people of God make decisions that go against God all the time. Would that we be that obedient, how different the world would look. What a gift the angels are.

I watched my mom die this week. I saw what sin does. This is not a commentary on her personal sin, just that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). Death is not pretty and it’s also not what God had in mind. It was hard to watch and I am glad my family was there for her at her weakest. At the end we have nothing of the world that we once had. It is but a fleeting memory and all that is left is your relationships, and even then, in the moment of death, it is the angels who take you, and the most important relationship, the one with God, that you face. The church, like a good mother, provided for my mom so that she would be able to meet her maker and choose life. Please continue to pray for her soul. In these moments I realize how much of my life I wasted worrying about the judgement of others when all I needed to have a Holy Fear about is the judgement of God.

I felt many years ago that God had told me that after my parents died the world would drastically change (for your discernment). Everything I have endured (and that you all reading this have endured) is meant to bring you to a place of total surrender to the will of God, to stop fighting what comes your way and start embracing the plan of God who allowed it to come your way. The fight needs to be intelligent as my friend Jansen says. It is against powers and principalities. Your heart must be pure as we forge ahead. Even though the world is filled with sinners, we should desire, as God does, that all be saved, even as we know that not all will choose to be.

I hope you all have a blessed Easter and that the Glory of God is poured upon you.

but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the universe.  The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven. Hebrews 1:2-3