I saw Christ today

eva

“Love is also the fullest source of the answer to the question of the meaning of suffering. This answer has been given by God to man in the cross of Jesus Christ.”

( Saint John Paul the Great – Salvifici Doloris  13)

Whenever I look at Christ on the Cross I see His love for us;  Love in action, suffering up there for us.   However, when I look around today, I do not see love like that everywhere.  I see a lot of selfishness and pride. But just when my hope in mankind seems damaged, God shows me, there is always hope.

I went to visit my friend, Eva today.  Eva has pancreatic cancer.  Eva is in pain.  She vomits most days a lot.  She weighs about 90 lbs.  Eva is suffering more physically than a lot of us know.  And because of Eva, today I saw Christ in action.

When I arrived Eva was vomiting.  But she had dressed herself up and she was determined to make the best of her day.  Not once did she complain.  She in fact, apologized to me for vomiting.  Two other friends came by, and we sat together in the sunshine.  10 minutes a day, that’s what the Doctor said Eva needed.  She was worried about us.  Were we too hot? Did we need water?

She spoke of her son and how bad she felt for him because he had to make his own food. She never scolded him if he made a mess making his food, because she said, she should be making it for him, but sometimes there’s too much fatigue.  She took him to a rock climbing place and paid for him and for herself to go in, even though she couldn’t climb, just so she could stand at the bottom and watch him go up.  She wanted him to be happy and have fun.

She said she was honest with him about her cancer.  She didn’t want to lie to him.  He needs to be able to trust her.  She spoke of how she could buy a car (she doesn’t have one), but didn’t because her husband and child might need the money.  She wants to live.  She doesn’t want her son to be without a mother or her husband to be without his wife.

She said life had a new perspective;  that when your sick, things that used to matter didn’t matter that much and the things that do matter, well they come into perspective.

To put it mildly, here is a women, in the midst of a horrible suffering, who is thinking about everyone else but herself.  She has a grateful attitude.   That my friends is true love. That is Christ on the Cross.  She has picked up her cross and she is carrying it better than most healthy people I know (myself included).  She carries her cross with a grateful heart and a heart filled with love for others, sacrificing where she can to make sure they are happy in the midst of her suffering.  Eva is teaching me.  She is teaching me that suffering has a meaning when it is done with love.  She is teaching me about Christ.

Please pray for Eva.  And for her family.  She is a beautiful soul.  May God heal her.  And please make a donation to help find a cure for this horrible cancer.

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Prayer request on the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows

our lady of sorrows

painting by Kathleen Carr

“At the cross her station keeping,
Stood the mournful mother weeping,
Close to Jesus to the last.
Through her heart, his sorrow sharing,
All his bitter anguish bearing,
Now at length the sword has passed.”
(Stabat Mater)

My cousin Kathleen Carr, is almost finished with her Our Lady of Sorrows painting above. It is fitting.  I have much to pray for, as I am sure all of you do too.  Thank goodness that Jesus conquered death so that even in earthly death we know there can be life everlasting in heaven.

On Wednesday, I found out my friend, Deloras, has a returning breast cancer that has metastisized.  My other friend, Eva, has pancreatic cancer.  Both women need to be lifted in prayer.

Eva adopted an older son last year.  He finally has a mom.  Would you please pray for both these woman to be healed.  But above all pray that God’s will be done.

If any of you have a prayer request please put it in the comments and I will write it in my book and make sure to lift them all up in prayer.  Thank you.

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Cross or Burden

jesus-on-cross1

The cross is the school of love.  – St. Maximilian Kolbe

Today is the Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross.  Our Pastor spoke today of the difference between a Cross and a Burden.

He told the story of a young girl who carried her brother who had no legs on her back. Another person asked her how she could carry that burden.  She answered, “he is not a burden, he is my brother.”

The Cross is not a burden because the cross is borne of love.  The cross is hope.  We all have a choice.  Do you look at things as a burden, or a Cross?

Today on the Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross, heed the words of Jesus;

“Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.” Matthew 16:24

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Into the Desert

purgatory island   

Lough Derg, the sacred Sanctuary of St Patrick also known as Purgatory Island

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. Matthew 4:1

After what has happened to me I know the Lord is leading me.  But I have to be honest here, this week was extremely hard for various reasons.  I found it hard to pray.  I was even plagued with doubt.  I had physical ailments that manifested.  There was fighting in my family.  How could this be?  Lord, I am certain you are leading me.  It was with discipline that I was able to keep up prayer.  I am making a consecration to Mary.  Why are these things happening?  I sat in the chapel and poured my heart out.  Remove me from this desert Lord, I feel so dry.  Here is what He said;

Beloved,

LET GO.  You cling to too much control instead of clinging to Me.  In this things seem hard.  These things you experience, they all pass through My Hands first.  Don’t you see yet?  I am stripping you in order to build you up.  LET GO.  Trust me.  Penance, penance, penance, this is part of your purifiation.  Do what I ask, let go of the rest.

Your Abba.

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Put on the Armor of God

St. Michael

“Jesus permits the spiritual combat as a purification, not as a punishment. The trial is not unto death but unto salvation.”

St. Padre Pio of Pietrelcina

I went to see my Spiritual Director today.  I made my confession.  For those sins I was shown. My Director told me to read Ephesians 6 for my penance and to do what Ephesians 6 tells me;

Finally, draw your strength from the Lord and from his mighty power.  Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil.  For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens.  Therefore, put on the armor of God, that you may be able to resist on the evil day and, having done everything, to hold your ground.  So stand fast with your loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness as a breastplate,  and your feet shod in readiness for the gospel of peace.  In all circumstances, hold faith as a shield, to quench all [the] flaming arrows of the evil one.  And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit. To that end, be watchful with all perseverance and supplication for all the holy ones.  Ephesians 6:10-18

I physically pictured myself armored for God.  Into my head popped these things; frequent confession, reception of the Eucharist, Scripture reading, adoration, the Rosary, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, the Saint Michael prayer, a St. Benedict Cross, and a Brown Scapular and my Guardian Angel.  Our armor rests in the Lord and He has given us the Bible, Prayer, Sacraments, sacramentals, Angels and Saints and each other.  I am sure there are things I haven’t named.  Which will be your armor today?  It helps us to totally abandon ourselves to the Lord.  I leave you with a song fitting for these times and for Trust in the Lord; Just be Held, by Casting Crowns.

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An Encounter

medjmary

“Never be afraid of loving the Blessed Virgin too much. You can never love her more than Jesus did.”
–Saint Maximilian Kolbe

I had a moment both on Sunday and Tuesday, something that has never happened to me.

I was in the historic chapel at my parish both times. I was looking at the statue of Mary, all of the sudden, my eyesight blurred and something seemed to happen. Like she became more life like. When my eyes refocused, she seemed to be changing colors from a blue mantle, to a white one, to a gray one. Her arms would go from extended (like in the Miraculous medal image) to prayerful. On Sunday, I thought I needed an eye exam. I was afraid. And then, I felt inside me, BE NOT AFRAID. I went home on Sunday and after telling my husband I dismissed what I had seen.

Then it happened on Tuesday again. Blue mantle, white mantle, gray mantle. Since there were others in the chapel and no one said anything, I assume I am the only one who saw. This time I didn’t dismiss it. I wrote it down. I felt her say, “KEEP YOUR EYES ON CHRIST.” Two messages, BE NOT AFRAID, KEEP YOUR EYES ON CHRIST. I sort of frantically tried to figure out what blue, white, gray meant, as I scrolled through images of Mary in my head, not able to place a gray mantle in any image I had seen. Then I sat with it. I asked God the Father to speak to me and I recorded the thoughts that popped into my head, I know these thoughts come from many things I have read, but I record them as they pop into my head as a letter to me from God. Here is what I recorded;

Beloved, I want to show all souls my love, and I choose a few to help spread my love greatly. I wanted the Blessed Mother to show you this. Don’t make it complicated. You know what she told you. BE NOT AFRAID. KEEP YOUR EYES ON CHRIST. She changed her mantle color from blue to white, to gray. GRACE, PURITY, HUMILITY. These are the key to all things. She is the Mediatrix of Grace. She spreads my grace if only people ask. She covers you in her mantle and always points to the Son. She spreads grace. She embodied purity and humility. You need these. She showed you your own habitual sin today. Stop them. You have been given the grace. Tough times are ahead. Be not afraid, keep your eyes on Christ, as Peter did before he was distracted and sunk. Receive the grace and use it to purify your soul and humble yourself. It will make you trust. Trust is how you navigate the storm. Trust is IN THE KEEPER OF THE STORM. Christ will show you the way. You have nothing to fear. – Your Abba.

It is a simple message, her extended arms give us grace.  Her prayerful arms show us to pray without ceasing.  Be not afraid, keep your eyes on Christ, grace, purity, humility.

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When the Lions come to Devour

Daniellion

“Daniellion” by After Briton Rivière – Manchester City Art Gallery

“My God sent his angel and closed the lions’ mouths so that they have not hurt me.  For I have been found innocent before him; neither have I done you any harm, O king!”

 Daniel 6:23

On the 29th of this month it will have been 5 years since Veronica’s murder.  It has been a a great Spiritual journey for me.  The name Veil of Veronica is not only about Veronica who wiped the Face of Jesus, but for me personally, it is the veil that was lifted from my eyes after my friend Veronica’s death.  I became acutely aware of the spiritual around me, both good and evil.  It is hard to explain, and there are those who will always think I am crazy.

In hindsight, all things in my life pointed me in this direction.  The direction of God who always seeks us.  He has always been waiting for me and I had come to meet Him sometimes in prayer before, but now I talk to Him all day long.  This does not mean everything is easy, or peaceful, in fact some things have been much harder. It is hard to know.  To know and want to tell others only to be attacked or seen as weird.  But because we find rest in the Lord, we can have spiritual peace.

I was reflecting back on my life, my Catholic upbringing, and I remembered my Confirmation.  I remembered picking my Confirmation name, Danielle, the feminine of Daniel,  from the Old Testament.  To many, Confirmation is a kind of graduation, a choosing for yourself to follow Christ, but this was never the intention of the Sacrament.  This Sacrament is a strengthening by the Holy Spirit of our Baptism in which we are already marked for Christ.  It is one of the initiation Sacraments, and through it the Holy Spirit gives us the strength to go out.  It increases our sanctifying grace, imparts the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and gives us courage to boldly profess the name of Christ.

It seems no coincidence then that I chose Daniel.  I remember identifying greatly with Daniel as a child.  Speaking out when others wouldn’t, being made fun of because I did.  I remember thinking how awesome it was that God protected Daniel from the lions.  The lions ready to devour him.  But as I grew older, and the worldly world took hold of me, I spoke out less against evil, and loved less.  The world had made me somewhat bitter, and I wasn’t sure of the God who I had seen so clearly when I was young.  Veronica’s murder changed all that.  God had been waiting for me all along calling me back.  My call at Confirmation to go out was lit on fire once again.   The Flame of Love is on fire in my soul.  I once again, only through the grace of God, can proclaim Him.  I only pray as the days and months forge ahead that God will continue to impart courage and strength upon me so that if the lions come to devour me, I can walk in confidence that God Almighty is holding me in the Palm of his hand.  And I say to all in the spirit of Confirmation, “we must go out and proclaim Christ the Lord!”

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Sharing in the suffering of Christ

carrying cross

But rejoice to the extent that you share in the sufferings of Christ, so that when his glory is revealed you may also rejoice exultantly. 1 Peter 4:13

August 23, 2015

Abba,

Sometimes at night as I am falling asleep I will be awakened by an intense anxiety.  I begin to have flashes in my head of children being ripped apart in the womb because of abortion.  Often I see older children who are being abused.  I see war.  I also start to feel extremely anxious and ashamed about my own sin.  I become unsettled, unable to go to sleep.  I get very distraught and often begin praying just to ease my distress.

Beloved,

It is I who am showing you these things.  There are many offenses against my Son’s Sacred Heart.  He died to take on these sins and in Him, if people believe, they can become whole and new.  I have only shown you a minuscule microbe of the offenses, for if I showed you all I see and feel, your human heart would explode from distress.  I rejoice when you pray.  I ask for reparation and prayer, that you sacrifice for others.  Sacrifice for others as my Son did.  Become one with me.  I will infuse grace in those who ask.  I will give you grace to overcome sin.  Apart from Me you are just pride and ego, but with Me you become humility, mercy and grace.  Make time in adoration.  Go to confession frequently.  Pray for the lost souls that commit heinous sin.  When you make reparation even the hardest hearts  can be changed.  Do not fear me showing you the sin, instead hold vigil and pray, pray, pray.

 

  • A side note – these nights often distress me greatly, this song embodied how I feel on these nights. – Sarah Hart, Praying with a Broken Heart.  This conversation today in the 1871 chapel has helped me greatly to know what to do.  I must pray and sacrifice for others, go to adoration and confession.
  • (About my God dialogue;I write my worries, prayers and thoughts to Him.  Then in the stillness I sit.  The random thoughts that enter my head I record.  This is not automatic writing.  It is a compilation of the thoughts that pop in my head when I speak to Him.  If it contradicts Doctrine, it is wrong.)
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Believe in Miracles and the Power of Prayer

rosary14

“Give me an army saying the Rosary and I will conquer the world.”
Pope Blessed Pius IX

Everyone loves a good miracle, yet I find today so many of us do not believe.  We have stopped expecting the Holy Spirit to act.  I find myself some days also needing hope in moments of despair, and it is then that I remember, we have a God of miracles.

I first started to notice personally that miracles are performed more often than we imagine when I started recording my petitions to God.  In an effort to make sure I prayed for people I said I would pray for, I started to write my petitions in a journal and each day I would ask God to cover over, heal, help, and generally bless the people in my journal.  I would often say the Rosary for all the intentions in my book.  As time went on, I would sometimes forget the prayers that I had.  I would forget what was asked for, and I wouldn’t look for the outcome.  I was busy in my life, but I was most assuredly asking God to remember, remember those written in my journal, even if I couldn’t remember.

Then one day I came across one of my journals from several years back.  I read my petitions and I was astounded.  Each had been answered.  They were not always the way I would have thought they would be answered, but they were answered.  These were no small prayers.  Dear Lord, please help my relative stop drinking alcohol.  Dear Lord, please help my infertile friend have children.  Dear Lord, please heal my friend from cancer.  As I scrolled down the page, I realized that each had been answered.  Many in a bigger and better way than I imagined.  There were a couple that, at first glance I thought had not been answered, like one friend who needed healing and passed away, but then I realized the place of complete healing is heaven and she was made whole.  But by in large, the majority were answered in this world and the things that at the time has seemed like impossible mountains had been moved.  Moved by the grace of God.  He whispered to me, “I have been working all these things throughout time.  I have been writing these stories.  Trust me.”

And so it is with no surprise that I know our God working through Our Lady and the Communion of Saints can work some of the greatest miracles for all to witness.  Our Lady gave us the Rosary and I know that is one of the most miraculous powerful prayers.  I was remembering a moment from history the other day.  I was in 8th grade and I remember hearing about all the turmoil in the Philippines.  Ferdinand Marcos and his wife with many shoes and the dictatorship of the Island.  It was shaping up to become a bloody battle with a few people already dead, including the staunch critic of Marcos, Benigno Aquino, Jr.,  who was assassinated.  But it didn’t become a bloody battle.  Cardinal Sin of Manila had asked the people to pray.  The people went out in front of the military praying the Rosary aloud.  They stood in front of tanks praying.  And then, a miraculous thing happened, the military laid down their arms.  Even the secular media reported how the Guns fell to Rosaries.  And the revolution was over, and the grace of God was seen.

Don’t stop believing in miracles.  Expect them.  And pray the Rosary every chance you get. Lord knows our world needs it.

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Listening in the stillness

Assumption-of-the-Blessed-Virgin-Mary

Jesus meek and humble of heart make my heart like unto thine.

Abba,

Today I will just sit in the stillness and listen to what you have to say. – Your Beloved

Beloved,

Humility.   In a days time you celebrate the Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Mary was and is the perfect example of humility.  Make her your example.  Let her be your mother.  She is the key because she is not divine, but fully human with perfect humility.  I know you struggle with humility, and with the Litany of Humility.  That struggle is born of fear.   Fear is what I want you to be stripped of and I want to strip you of all desire except union with me.  Partake in my Divine will just as Mary did.  Trust.

-Your Abba

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