In the end, My Immaculate Heart will triumph. – Our Lady of Fatima to the Children of FatimaJuly 13, 1917
I write in my journal as if the Lord or His Mother are speaking to me. If what I have written in my journal, the church says is not true, then the church is correct and I am wrong. Please know that as you discern the journal entry I will share.
Six years ago in the late evening of March 8, 2017 to the early morning of March 9, 2017, after pondering the Litany of Our Lady of Victory, I felt as though Our Lady was speaking to me about the healing of families. In particular, what struck me were the relationships mentioned in the Litany of Our Lady of Victory. I felt Our Lady wanted me to focus on her relationships with The Most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I felt these relationships and titles are of the utmost importance to her. I felt back then that she was and she is trying to teach us how to have relationship with the Trinity, which would heal us and heal our relationships with one another. The Litany of Our Lady of Victory mentions her relationship with the Trinity is VICTORIOUS. A triumph. Here is my journal entry from that day, all those years ago;
March 9, 2017
Beloved,
I am Our Lady of the Family. I am the Healer of Families. I am all things relationship with the Divine. Out of Eve’s disobedience my obedience was born. The father of lies is intent on destroying families. He is the thief who steals the peace. I will crush his head. My son is the restorer. Promulgate my name as the Healer of Families. Let every nation know that what has been broken can be restored and restoration begins in the domestic church at home and spreads outward to the nations. The Most Holy Trinity will cleanse the untruths, purge the wicked and the lies, and restore the beauty.
All nations will call me Blessed and take me into their homes, and into their families, because the Father wills it.
I am your Mother. I am Immaculate. I am humility. Make me part of your family.
John 7:19
To me, Our Lady was also clear that she did not want me to write this by myself. In fact, I got an image of my friend Ashley Blackburn in my head, and I knew I had to call Ashley and ask her to write this Litany with me. You may remember that I wrote about this before.
That was six years ago, and today, we finally have a book of compiled prayers. The book has the imprimatur and Nihil Obstat of the Diocese of Nashville.
Originally we were just going to call the Book a Family Healing Prayer Book, but I awoke from a dream with The Queen’s Triumph clearly in my head.
The book contains litanies and novenas to the Holy Family as well as other prayers and meditations. It is meant to help you focus on healing of your relationships.
I wish I could give the book to all of you for free because I do believe, in God’s providence, that the time for these prayers is Now. I am not here to market Jesus. I am here to tell you that God wants to heal us. God wants Mary’s Immaculate heart to Triumph. God wants his kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. Unfortunately, because we did self-publish, I cannot give it away for free, but I did try to make it affordable.
The book can be purchased online at Spirit Daily Bookstore or Saint Mary’s Bookstore. It is also available in person at Saint Philip Franklin, TN Bookstore and Saint Catherine Columbia, TN Book Store.
God wants your heart beating in unison with His.
I hope this book blesses you should you choose to buy it and pray the prayers. As the Feast of her Assumption approaches, may we come to honor Our Lady more and love the Most Holy Trinity more and more.
Our Lady of Victory. Pray for us. Our Lady, Healer of Families, pray for us!
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1Thessolonians 5:16-18
Several years back, I was at the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament in Hanceville, AL. I came outside of the church, having attended adoration, and I felt the Lord whispering, “make your life liturgy.” And it was in that moment that I understood the scripture, “pray without ceasing.” And it became something, not that I wanted to do, but that I wanted to be. I wanted to be a living liturgy.
The catechism of the Catholic Church defines liturgy like this;
It is this mystery of Christ that the Church proclaims and celebrates in her liturgy so that the faithful may live from it and bear witness to it in the world:
For it is in the liturgy, especially in the divine sacrifice of the Eucharist, that “the work of our redemption is accomplished,” and it is through the liturgy especially that the faithful are enabled to express in their lives and manifest to others the mystery of Christ and the real nature of the true Church. CCC 1068
It further states;
The word “liturgy” originally meant a “public work” or a “service in the name of/on behalf of the people.” In Christian tradition it means the participation of the People of God in “the work of God.” Through the liturgy Christ, our redeemer and high priest, continues the work of our redemption in, with, and through his Church. CCC 1069
So while for many people think of liturgy as just going to church on Sunday, it is so much more than that. It is in and through that Sunday liturgy that we are fed Divine Life. We are sent out on a pilgrim journey that should mature us to a place where our life becomes worship of God. We seek His will for us and work for His people and His Kingdom. Our life should become, in our very breath, a prayer without ceasing because we are so in union with God. Praying without ceasing doesn’t mean we pray for hours in the chapel everyday, it means that in all we are and do, we love God. And I have said this before, this is not something we earn, it is something we surrender ourselves to by actively choosing it and letting God do the work in us.
I bring this up because the church herself is on a trajectory, one that looks bleak at the moment. And we may be wondering what we should do because we have so little control. Everyday the news barrages us with problems in the church, problems in the world, from aliens, to rejection of the moral life by those in the church. We seem on a precipice of an abyss. But if all the daily Masses and Rosaries we have attended have only left us in anxiety and despair, then we really don’t know or trust God.
Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own, but the Father who dwells in me does his works. John 14:9-10
Have we been receiving Him all these years and we still don’t know Him or the Father who is in Him? It’s a question we have to ask ourselves.
Are we still more afraid of those who can harm the body than can harm the soul?
Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, fear the one who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Matthew 10:28
We know and have been given the truth. We don’t have to make things complicated. We will be persecuted, but it always comes down to love. Where we love, God fills.
“I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. Beware of them, for they will hand you over to councils and flog you in their synagogues, 1and you will be dragged before governors and kings because of me, as a testimony to them and the gentiles. When they hand you over, do not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you at that time, for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. Matthew 10:16-20
And so, it is in these moments that I look to the Saints. The three in the picture above were three men who were in the worst of situations.
Born Raymond Kolbe he took the religious name Maximilian. He was simply known as prisoner 16670 to the Nazi’s. He celebrated Mass with smuggled bread. He took beatings for hearing confession. He sang Marian hymns while they tried to starve him to death. They lethally injected him. His life was a liturgy.
Fr. Stanley Rother cared for the poor and the sick. But a civil war in Guatemala where Catholics were being persecuted, made his name end up on a death list. Though he went home for a time, he returned to his people in Guatemala, to the people he loved, for the God he loved, even though doing so would put his life in danger, because he said, “a shepherd cannot run at the first sign of danger.” They shot him to death. His life was a liturgy.
Father Emil Kapaun had a chance to escape the bloody battle in North Korea where Chinese soldiers descended upon the US Army’s 3rd battalion. But he didn’t choose to escape. Instead he chose to run to the front lines to rescue men. He was captured. The months that followed were brutal but Fr Kapaun would visit 200 soldiers a day and tend to their wounds and lead them in the Rosary. Every soldier there began to speak of him with reverance. Kapaun died in prison, but the men there remembered him doing acts of service for others. His life was a liturgy.
In the middle of the darkest of crosses, there these men stood as a light. The Eucharist they consecrated and received had transformed them. They knew the Father. They knew communion and so did everyone around them who saw them. They stood as a light of Divine Love. It is a love they surrendered themselves to and it surpasses understanding and elevates our nature. It is a love that is divinized. The Divine Will was seen in action in these mini-Christs who surrendered themselves to the mercy that the rest of the world rejects.
When the world brings down the hammer of injustice, surrender to God and let the iron scepter of mercy swoop in and light your soul on fire with love.
To everyone who conquers and continues to do my works to the end, I will give authority over the nations, to rule them with an iron scepter, as when clay pots are shattered—“even as I also received authority from my Father. To the one who conquers I will also give the morning star. Let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches.Revelation 2:26-29
Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb. He saw the linen wrappings lying there, and the cloth that had been on Jesus’s head, not lying with the linen wrappings but rolled up in a place by itself. John 6-7
For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. Matthew 16:25
The other day I was praying about many things, and I heard in prayer, “I needed Him to experience fatherlessness.” And then in my head, I got an image of Jesus weeping over the death of Saint Joseph and it felt as though Lazarus was not the first time Jesus wept over death. I felt in my heart that God the Father wanted God the Son to experience, in his human nature, the loss of his human father as a full entering into our humanity. And of course we know that on the cross, when Jesus cried out that He was forsaken (Matthew 27:46), He felt Fatherless in His suffering. The Second person of the Blessed Trinity entered fully into the consequences of the fall without sinning Himself. Jesus experienced the deepest wound of all of us, the Father wound that expelled us from Eden. Death was not in the Father’s plan for us. Sin begot death and death makes us feel Fatherless, like we have no protection, a fierce consequence for the original rejection of His mercy, a consequence we chose for ourselves. And I can hear the devil screaming, “down with the Patriarchy, let’s not even use the word Father,” as women and children everywhere get devoured. We run from our self-inflicted wounds instead of facing them and being healed.
The catechism of the Catholic Church says of God the Father;
By calling God “Father”, the language of faith indicates two main things: that God is the first origin of everything and transcendent authority; and that he is at the same time goodness and loving care for all his children. God’s parental tenderness can also be expressed by the image of motherhood, which emphasizes God’s immanence, the intimacy between Creator and creature. The language of faith thus draws on the human experience of parents, who are in a way the first representatives of God for man. But this experience also tells us that human parents are fallible and can disfigure the face of fatherhood and motherhood. We ought therefore to recall that God transcends the human distinction between the sexes. He is neither man nor woman: he is God. He also transcends human fatherhood and motherhood, although he is their origin and standard: no one is father as God is Father. ccc239 (emphasis mine)
So for us, everything becomes a movement back towards the Father and it is why Christ’s sacrifice, and the sacrifice of the Mass are an offering to the Father. I am not sure that people at Mass are aware of that, that we make an offering to the Father. It is a movement towards His merciful love, his divine will, towards His total and complete goodness, so that earth may one day be as it is in heaven. But it requires then that we pass through the consequence of death to meet that eternity. When we take up our cross and follow him, we make our way back to rest in the Father. It isn’t just a physical dying, but the dying to the human will so one can be filled with the Divine Will.
But here’s the thing, I think the idea we have in our head of what that looks like, isn’t the same as what it is as it’s happening. The devil will take your, “dying of self”, and try to twist it into resentment or despair. Despair is giving up. God doesn’t want you to give up, He wants you to let go.
Giving up and Letting go are two very different things. Neither of them “feel” very good. One brings a death spiral or a wrathfilled rage, and the other accepts God’s will and surrenders to it, letting go of all, sometimes even of those things you thought to be good and holy.
Last year, when I experienced the crushing, I essentially had to stop all ministry work and cut most things, even at home, back to a minimum. It was a living in the sacrament of the present moment. I realized how ingrained in my soul was the thought that in order to be loved by God, I had to be “doing”. It is definitely taught to us by the culture. Worthless are those who cannot contribute. I did not think that laying in bed with a bad back, I was worth anything, and at the time God was silent. I realize now this was purposeful, because I was being presented with a choice.
I could forget the journey I had taken with the Lord who I knew loved me and decide it was all just a load of bull and I could give up, or I could decide that what I had been through and taught was true, and I could ask for merciful love, despite my feelings. I had to let go of all that I was doing, and hand it all to God and ask Him to make good of my weakness. In other words, I had to rest in the promises of the Lord. I had to admit I am lowly and can’t do it all, and I had to know, I am loved regardless of what everyone else thought of my absence or lack of ability. It wasn’t lost on me that all of this happened the year after my own Father died. My feeling of fatherlessness was just that, a feeling, but God’s true Fatherhood was actually guiding me all along. Because no one is Father, as God is Father.
A few years back a Priest I know placed his hands on my head and prayed, “Lord, take her to the darkest places and let her be a light.” I was taken aback by the prayer and a little afraid. But I knew the prayer was a Marian prayer. God the Father has also provided us a Mother. The Lord took Mary to the darkest place of the crucifixion, and there she stood as a light, a pure reflection of His Fatherhood. So I embraced the prayer and asked for supernatural fortitude. I believe in these times we live in we all need to pray for supernatural fortitude.
And so, over the past year, I learned to see God in the mess, in places I would have missed if I hadn’t been taken there. God was most certainly at the Cross, and I would have missed Him in my own cross if I had given up instead of letting go.
And so, in that trial, I did let go. I did the bare minimum, only what was absolutely needed instead of all that I desired, even if what I desired was good. I let God direct my path because I wasn’t strong enough to direct it on my own. I gave what I could and I surrendered the rest. From a ministry perspective it was the most disorganized year I ever had and a lot of mistakes were made. But, in the end, it was also the most fruitful year I ever had. God showed up in the lives of the people I was supposed to be ministering to, including those in my family. I had to detach from my own role in it and hand it all to God. It is a level of surrender that is actually hard to explain, but I feel it in my bones, quite literally, which used to ache from stress, but with each level of surrender, don’t seem to carry the stress as much. It is though, a continual work in progress and I know the trials are far from over, but I do have a resolve that He is with us.
I write all this to give you hope. If you feel like giving up, don’t. Let go instead. And you will come to know that no one is Father like God is Father. It is the purification of all that isn’t what He wills. And the Father gives us supernatural grace and power in the darkest of places.
In the coming weeks I hope to expand what I have written here to include what is happening on a larger level in the church. The purification of the church is needed, just as much as the purification of your own soul. But it is scary, as scary as a bunch of Jewish Apostles watching their religion crumble and their Messiah be crucified. It is the darkest of places. But the Father who creates out of His power, redeems and restores out of His love. Trust in His love. God is love.
Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his decrees.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
A few days ago a reader emailed me and asked me to write about what to do after a Pride Fall? The reader stated that after a fall like this, it is hard to keep up hope. She wanted me to try to put into words what could be done, besides the obvious of Mass and the Sacraments, as many don’t have Spiritual Directors to speak to.
I have probably written about this in various ways in the past, but I am going to try to assemble all of it here for clarity’s sake because I do think it’s important and because I do think we all need the reinforcement of one another when we are suffering. I know I needed it. My friend Ashley simply said to me, “you can do this, God is in this with you, his grace is sufficient,” multiple times last year. Those words kept the flame of hope alive in me. So I write this for anyone who is suffering and not understanding the ways of God. I know I felt paralyzed at times. God wants us to rise and walk.
It is extremely humbling and often humiliating when we fall in Pride. When we think we know the right course of action and everything comes crumbling down, it is often hard to recover, especially if you are sincerely trying to do God’s will, as Peter was. I remember struggling so much with what God was allowing to happen to me over the last year. I will also state, I know there were people actively cursing me and God was allowing it. I didn’t understand. It seemed God was taking everything away from me. Hadn’t I been faithful was the question I kept asking? God was silent a lot. In the middle of it, it is hard to bear. I remember simply praying for mercy and grace and clinging to belief. Looking back from the other side now, I see no other way to perfection in love. Even today, my areas of pride are pointed out daily. I recognize them quickly because of the ordeal of the last year. I was doing everything the laws of God asked, and I loved God, but I was relying a lot on myself. God wants us to lean on Him, letting Him guide when to act and when to wait. When to speak and when to just pray. God desired to draw me closer. He desires this for you too. Most of us are too afraid to get this close because it hurts so bad as it involves in letting go of many things that comfort us and just accepting the situation that is. Sometimes it involves money, sometimes it’s health, sometimes it’s relationships, the humbling can come from any myriad of things. All the time God is revealing, if you look. It unites you to His cross and reveals the things hidden in your heart that keep you away from Him. He wants to draw you inside the gate, where the innermost depth of your heart lay so His Divine Love can pour into it. We have to keep this in perspective otherwise our human ways draw us further from him.
You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly exhibited as crucified! 2The only thing I want to learn from you is this: Did you receive the Spirit by doing the works of the law or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? Having started with the Spirit, are you now ending with the flesh? Did you experience so much for nothing?—if it really was for nothing. Galatians 3:1-4
From here, I will outline step by step what I would do after a Pride Fall.
Remember that God loves you no matter what. He never stops loving you. You don’t have to earn his love.
“But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
2. Do not try to justify yourself. When you try to explain or defend what you did God cannot come in and be your justification. Satan will try to convince you to explain yourself, much the way Adam explained to God that the woman given to him made him do it, rather than just saying sorry.
Much more surely, therefore, since we have now been justified by his blood, will we be saved through him from the wrath of God Romans 5:9
3. Do not stuff your emotions. Emotions are a gift from God that help you to process when something happens. Be totally open with God about your emotions. He can handle them. He can reveal truth through them. Do not try to be “good enough”, just honest with God about exactly where you are. The most healing can take place when your heart is poured out and nothing is held back. Satan wants you ruled by emotions. God wants to reveal the wound using emotions. One way is out of control, the other is to place you on firm ground.
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8
4. Do not worry about what others think of you. Set your eyes on what God thinks of you.
the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him, for the Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
5. Ask the Lord what it is He wants you to face? What is it he wants you to stare at in order to convert and change? What is your serpent on the staff? Satan wants all things hidden, God wants to reveal the hidden things with love.
if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14
6. Be open to what He tells you and reveals to you. He does not condemn, but convicts you to change. He never shows you something to get you stuck in shame, only to widen your view to a God’s eye view. Satan is the accuser. God is the healer.
“Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world but in order that the world might be saved through him. John 3:17
7. Forgive anyone who needs forgiving; that includes yourself, and even God. God hasn’t done anything wrong, but from our skewed perspective it can sometimes seem that way, forgiving God allows us to let go so he can heal us. Forgiveness is truly freeing. Satan wants you bound in the chains of unforgiveness, God wants to free you.
Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective. James 5:16
8. Wait on the Lord. Do not expect everything to be fixed and for suffering to go away. Fixes are short term and don’t address the core of what needs healing. Healing is a long term process and the Lord walks you there. The goal is to love even though you’re suffering and the grace from that love will spill into your world and healing will begin. Chances are it took time to get where you are, it will take time to walk out of it too. Satan tries to distract and rush things. God moves with slowly in a distinct direction that will produce what is best for you.
but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
9. Don’t lose hope in the Lord. His promises are true and He does work all things for the good of those who love Him. Satan wants you to despair so he can send a spirit of murder to attack you with horrible thoughts. God wants you thinking bigger of who He is and for you to know He is way stronger than Satan.
Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who has promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23
10. Pray without ceasing. Pray prayer from your heart and the Spirit will intercede. Satan fears those who pray. God moves you towards union with Him when you pray.
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness, for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with groanings too deep for words. Romans 8:26
That about sums up how to handle a Pride Fall. I believe Saint Peter did all of these things in between the time he denied Jesus and wept, to the day of Pentecost. By the time He got to Pentecost his heart was totally ready for the Spirit to descend because of the walk He had already been on.
I hope this is able to help anyone out there who is suffering with why something happened. I don’t think God wants us stuck in the why, but he wants us to look at the Who. To look at the one who can heal and in whose image He is trying to form us in perfection. Anything not of Him we should desire to go, even if it hurts. And if you’re in a place where you don’t desire what keeps you from God to go, pray then to desire that.
May God bless you all this Father’s Day. Remember the heavenly Father who loves you so much he sent His only Son to die for you.
In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 4:10
The Denial of Peter by Gerard van Honthorst – 1622-24
“The tail of the devil is functioning in the disintegration of the Catholic world. The darkness of Satan has entered and spread throughout the Catholic Church even to its summit. Apostasy, loss of faith, is spreading throughout the world and into its highest levels in the Church.” Pope Saint Paul VI
Whenever I feel anxiety or I see how out of control the world and the church seem to be, I focus on the Lord’s Passion. I do this, in part, because it is the model to show us how to deal with a crumbling world. God only let’s crumble what needs crumbling, because in the economy of Salvation He is working something bigger. It somehow gives me comfort to know that the Apostles saw their world crushed and to know the other side of that story is the joy of an Easter people.
We know that the church will follow the path of her Savior. There is a trajectory and it’s movement is so that, “they may all be one. As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they also be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given them, so that they may be one, as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become completely one, so that the world may know that you have sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” (John 17:21-23).
We are meant to be one with the will of the Father. Anything that stands in the way of that needs to go.
I see we are in a place of pride. And I don’t just mean the secular, church hating, God hating, pride parades. I mean the pride within each of our hearts. The pride that makes us think we “know” when we don’t really know. The pride that makes us try to save ourselves when we have a Savior who yearns for us to console Him by resting in His bosom.
For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. Matthew 24:24
My take on this scripture from Matthew may be slightly different than what people have had in mind. I often think the false messiahs and false prophets are actually referring to oneself. It is true that in these times many people are hearing the Lord speak to them, sometimes in big and miraculous ways. But due to a lack of discernment and spiritual maturity they trust themselves more than the Good Lord. They are their own messiah. I have seen scorched earth as a result of this in the way they treat others. I have seen this among those who consider themselves most faithful. This isn’t something relegated just to the secular God-haters. They become blinded by pride unable to see their own false perspective that is based on a skewed vision. While their may be some truth, their view of it is clouded. Division, grudges and inability to sit work out a problem in a Christian fashion. It is why all things must be tested. Now I don’t believe for a second that the Lord would let these souls lose their salvation, but I do believe He may let their minds be clouded over so as to expose their pride. For it is only in the exposure of the pride that the Lord can clear it out. A great humbling can take place. In the great humbling a true surrender happens and God can display His glory. We will all be humbled.
I believe this because I have seen how my own pride can get in the way of things. I pray for 360 degree vision and I often check myself with others and with my Spiritual Director so as not to stray far off course. I also believe this because I was reading the Gospel of John and I pondered what an absolute mess Peter is. His construct of who Jesus was is based on a formulation of his own pride. Even though Jesus told him what would happen Peter is seen in the Gospels tempting Jesus away from the plan (Mark 8:33) and wielding his sword to protect the Messiah (John 18:10) who didn’t want protecting, but only wanted to do the will of the Father. And yet, Peter is still chosen to be the earthly authority. Jesus just had to expose and break down his construct of pride in order to raise him up. Peter’s mind was clouded over with his own vision. Peter is not someone I would have chosen. Thank God I am not God.
Which brings me to a section of John chapter 18. The translation I used for this is the NRSVUE which is supposed to be a fairly strict translation of the original language. And I believe as tradition has often taught that the “beloved disciple” and the “other disciple” is John the Evangelist. So with that in mind, I want you to recall that this is the chapter in John where Peter denies Jesus.
Simon Peter and another disciple followed Jesus. Since that disciple was known to the high priest, he went with Jesus into the courtyard of the high priest, but Peter was standing outside at the gate. So the other disciple, who was known to the high priest, went out, spoke to the woman who guarded the gate, and brought Peter in. The woman said to Peter, “You are not also one of this man’s disciples, are you?” He said, “I am not.” Now the slaves and the police had made a charcoal fire because it was cold, and they were standing around it and warming themselves. Peter also was standing with them and warming himself.John 18:15-18
I see this courtyard as an entrance into the heart of Jesus Himself who is about to take on all of our judgment. Notice Peter is “outside the gate”, that is to say, distant from Jesus. The “other disciple” is “inside the gate” and the gate is guarded by a woman. I see here that the “other disciple”, John, intercedes for Peter and speaks to the woman who “guarded the gate”. The imagery that comes to mind for me is John as the archetype for the Priesthood, and the woman represents the church through whom Salvation comes.
Basing itself on Scripture and Tradition, the Council teaches that the Church, a pilgrim now on earth, is necessary for salvation: the one Christ is the mediator and the way of salvation; he is present to us in his body which is the Church ccc 846
The Priest, through the church, intercedes for all of us bringing us closer to Christ. Notice too that the “woman” asks Peter if he is one of Jesus’s disciples. He is asked to make a Profession of Faith. But instead he denies it, which places him with the slaves and police. He is attempting at this point to save Himself. Though he is afraid, it is pride that ultimately makes us think we can save ourselves. And yet, in all of this, he is still now, inside the gate, closer to Jesus because of John’s intercession. Think of what that means when a Priest intercedes for his people. After his thrice denial the cock crows and Peter weeps. The construct he had in his head totally crumbles. Nothing is as Peter thought it would be. It is here that his vision clears. But Peter is left a very broken man. He probably feels as though he has been standing on sand.
Later, after the Resurrection, we see Peter go back to his old name. He goes back to his old profession. When he is in the boat with the other disciples, we see again John intercede to let Peter know who Jesus is.
He said to them, “Cast the net to the right side of the boat, and you will find some.” So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in because there were so many fish. That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he had taken it off, and jumped into the sea. John 21:6-7
I would venture to say, this is essentially the Baptism of Peter. Notice he puts on his outer garment. Our outer garment prior to our baptism is soiled, it is only after we are washed in the water that the Spirit fills us and we can put on the outer garment of purity given by God. Peter dives in the water and swims to the Lord.
Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. John 3:5
The church and her Sacraments are woven throughout this Gospel because that’s where we receive our sanctifying grace.
We next see Peter hurry toward mercy and get totally real with Jesus. The thrice exchange of “do you love me?” takes place. In a previous post, I spoke of how Jesus used the word agape the first two times, which hurt Peter. Agape is a divine love. Peter humbly admits he isn’t there yet. Jesus meets him where he is. This is a totally broken down Peter. One who is sorry, who runs towards mercy, and who admits all that is going on inside of him; Heart to heart, finally. Jesus can really work with this. There is no pretending in this situation. I do believe Jesus saw the gift of leadership in Peter, but it was Peter’s return to mercy that made Jesus elevate Him. Authority borne from humility is a divine gift. Jesus has taken the sand that Peter had been standing on and turns him into the Rock at Pentecost, but only after the false foundation of what he had believed was revealed.
In this scenario, it is John who really is the only one who “saw”. The others may have thought they did, after all they spent three years with Jesus. But they all ran and hid when it came down to the unveiling of the plan. I think to the extent of the Pride we have, even if we love God, we hide and our minds get clouded. John had no pride, he was resting in the Lord’s bosom, this enabled him to see. The others, including Peter, were dealt with according to their pride. Allowed to not see for a time – think of Thomas. But in God allowing this, it was all worked for their good because he broke them down to total surrender.
I tell you all this because we all need to be careful of our own pride. Pride causes division and makes you unable to see. We are in the middle of a great storm and a cloudy mind will bring a hard fall. We need to recognize that God is God and we are not. The most we can offer him is merely a grain of sand. This grain of sand can be used by God to build cement hard rock, or if we are fixated on our own grain of sand, then when the Lord’s plan shows up we will feel buried in a sinkhole. But if we keep our eyes on Christ we will see the glorious lighthouse and beach the Lord is building and we will trust in the middle of the unknown.
An examination of your thoughts can let you know where your pride lay. If you always have thoughts of how something will benefit you, or you cannot admit your part in wrong doing, or you harbor malice in your heart towards another, this is where God wants to work on you. It’s a difficult thing but true purity of heart wills for all to make it to heaven. We need to pray for a God’s eye view. It is impossible to have this view without sanctifying grace which elevates a soul above evil. We need to only worry about pleasing God alone. God is building His Kingdom, let Him do it, so we can one day be with Him in perfect glory.
“Love transforms one into what one loves.” – Saint Catherine of Siena
Yesterday, June 8, 2023, I had a lot of thoughts pour over me about the Mystical Body of Christ. I couldn’t stop thinking about how the wages of sin is death, but that death, in God’s original plan, was an unnatural thing. Our bodies weren’t designed to be separated from our souls. But of course we know this happened because of the fall. And it got me thinking about just how amazing what God did is.
He took the wages of our sin into His very body, His flesh, and He conquered this sin by rising from the dead. He makes this conquering of death available to us. In baptism we die in our sin with Him but our resurrection is contingent on our consumption of His glorified flesh. It is contingent on the Eucharist because we all know that at this moment in time, we all still die. Currently our souls go on after we die, but our bodies our meant for Resurrection and a union once again with our souls at the end of time.
I look forward to the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come.
And then I began to think about how this means we really do need to receive the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus with proper care and discernment.
Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be answerable for the body and blood of the Lord. 1 Corinthians 11:27
You see the Eucharist raises us up into Jesus’ Divine nature, which is to say, into eternity with the Trinity. Mary resides there body and soul. Our resurrection at the end of time depends on our consumption of this Divine Nature with a grace filled pure heart. In the passage from 1st Corinthians, where Paul speaks that quote, notice what he says prior to speaking about receiving in an unworthy manner;
For, to begin with, when you come together as a church, I hear that there are divisions among you; and to some extent I believe it. Indeed, there have to be factions among you, for only so will it become clear who among you are genuine. When you come together, it is not really to eat the Lord’s supper. For when the time comes to eat, each of you goes ahead with your own supper, and one goes hungry and another becomes drunk. 1 Corinthians 11:18-21
Paul is chastising them for the hearts they bring to the Eucharistic table. What a sorrow that a large chunk of the Christian world walked away from the Eucharist. What a sorrow that people no longer pray for the conversion of the Jews and the Muslims so they too could partake in this Divine Nature. Paul, in this passage, was pointing out the impurity of hearts. Receiving the Eucharist with an impure heart brings judgment and not an elevation into the Divine Nature. When you receive unworthily you are, in fact, harming yourself, but not just yourself, you also, as a baptized person in mortal sin, harm Christ’s Mystical Body, which is to say, you harm others. Think of it like an actual body. If the liver gets cancer, the rest of the body will be harmed by that cancer. It takes treatment, that is to say, pure hearts, for the toxin to be purged. Receiving unworthily begets more suffering not only on yourself, but others as well. Those that receive with pure hearts are actually received into Christ’s Divine Nature. We must also remember that a pure heart isn’t in the business of judging others souls, but will’s for their good, even those you know receive in mortal sin. It is a spiritual work of mercy to admonish the sinner, but it can in no way be out of judgment, it must be from love and with gentleness. Often times, when people’s hearts are so hardened in their sin the only thing to be done is pray, fast and offer reparation with a pure heart. With a pure heart, Christ is incorporating you into Himself, those who reject this are essentially refusing to help the body.
So what happens when we see widespread reception of the Eucharist when people are in mortal sin? We see an overall harm of the church because Christ cannot take away sin that we don’t freely give to Him to do so. We see chaos, hatred, division and diabolic things;
So when he had dipped the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas son of Simon Iscariot. After he received the piece of bread, Satan entered into him. Jesus said to him, “Do quickly what you are going to do.” John 13:26-27
Jesus wants to give us His heart. And here is the thing, Jesus has an unguarded heart. What do I mean by that? Jesus is totally open and vulnerable to us. We see the Divine Child holding His heart in His hand. We see it in the Sacred Heart. Behold the Heart that has so loved men;
We have a hard time understanding this vulnerability because we have been hurt. When you share a vulnerability with another human person they often use it against you. They can “Lord it over you”. This causes us to have walls around our hearts. We hide, we don’t let people see who we really are. Christ has no such wall. His heart sits in His hand waiting for us to share fully our heart with him. He wants for us to hide nothing from Him, not our sins, not our hurts, not our grudges, nothing. When we hide from Him we harm our own body, our own soul, and the Mystical Body of Christ. He holds out His heart and we abuse it and stomp on it the way others have done to us. We eat our own supper and we go hungry.
But, Christ’s unguarded heart will actually protect your heart if you hand it to Him. His heart protected the heart of His mother and she, in turn, gave all of herself to Him. Their hearts beat in unison. He wants our hearts to beat in unison as well. If we could see into the spiritual realm and understood the harm we caused to ourselves and others by receiving unworthily we would never willingly do it like so many do today. If you could see the spiritual realm you would desire the most pure heart that makes sacrifice for others. We would actually help Christ repair, like white blood cells that fight an infection in the body. The more we can receive His Divine Nature, the more power and glory is seen in the world. It dwarfs the power of the enemy.
Imagine my surprise when I had the opportunity last night to attend a High Solemn Latin Mass at Church of the Assumption for the Feast of Corpus Christi, which on the traditional calendar was yesterday, though in the Novus Ordo is moved to this coming Sunday. The Epistle was the very reading from 1st Corinthians that had been pouring over me all day. The Sequence spoke of His feeding of us and His defense of us;
Bread whose shepherd-care doth tend us, Jesu Christ, Thy mercy send us, Do Thou feed us, Thou defend us, Lead us where true joys attend us, In the land where life is given.
I got teary eyed, once again, at the intimacy of the Lord who speaks to us. Church of the Assumption is still not repaired from the tornado that hit it in 2020, a few days before worldwide Corona Virus shutdown. Their Masses are held in a hall across the street. My understanding is that set backs have plagued the speed of the repair. It felt as though we were in exile (which we are on this earth) while God whispered to me, “rebuild my church”. And then I remember how Saint Martin de Porres asked Jesus what He could do for his country of Peru and Jesus told him simply that it takes only “one Saint.”
One Saint can help Jesus transform His Mystical Body so a country can be changed. One Apostle at the Foot of the Cross can help birth a church. One Mother who gives a Fiat can usher in a Savior. One pure soul receiving the Divine Glorified Nature of God can change things. That could be you.
Philip found Nathanael and told him, “We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” “Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?” Nathanael asked. “Come and see,” said Philip. John 1:45-46
I was reading the 11th chapter of John, a chapter I have read many many times over the years, and yet, I saw something this time I had never seen before. Perhaps it was because of different bible translations that I had never seen it. But the translation I was reading (RSV Second Catholic addition) said the following;
Then Mary, when she came where Jesus was and saw him, fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled: and he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. John 11:32-35.
And I was struck by the fact that Jesus wept after they told him to “come and see”. Now I am not here to talk about whether that is the correct translation, just that it was the translation in my bible. I was struck by how it was those exact words Jesus had uttered to the disciples after John the Baptist, pointed to Jesus;
and he looked at Jesus as he walked and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God!” The two disciples heard him say this, and they followed Jesus. Jesus turned, and saw them following, and said to them, “What do you seek?” And they said to him, “Rabbi” (which means teacher) “where are you staying?” He said to them, “Come and See.” John 1:36-39
So I came back to why Jesus had cried after they spoke to him about seeing where Lazarus was laid. Prior to that he had been troubled, some translations say perturbed. But Jesus weeps when they tell him to see Lazarus.
In the first scenario, the disciples are invited to Come and See, to what I would say is knowledge of a God’s eye view of things. In the second scenario Jesus is invited to a devil’s eye view of things. One is all encompassing moving towards the good, one is destructive.
In my prayer of late, I got the inspiration to pray for 360 degree vision. I wasn’t praying for this so I could grow eyeballs in the back of my head. I was praying for a God’s eye view. The news is so permeated with destruction, it seems almost impossible to not get sucked into a devil’s eye view. By that I mean where we see so much evil we can see nothing else. It evokes rage and despair.
In the story of Lazarus, we see Jesus wait before he goes to Lazarus. We see Jesus let death occur. Jesus, who knows the Father, is doing the will of the Father, but a God’s eye view would make us to know that this will bring Glory, so though sorrowful emotions pass through us, we should never lose hope. We know the outcome of the story.
I think perhaps Jesus wept over how we only see the devil’s eye view of things.
After reading this passage I climbed into bed and asked the Lord to speak to me. I fell asleep and had the most vivid dream.
In the dream I was coming across person after person who was steeped in sin. I should say that the disposition of my heart for all of them was sorrow, not hatred. There was a teenager dabbling in witchcraft, a Priest who was hiding his sins, and a psychologist who was trying to separate minor children from their parents.
When I first came across the witch, I had a bit of fear. She was speaking spells. I started to speak, but because of my own fear, I choked, or I should say, invisible demons choked me. They had power over me because of my fear. But, I managed to whisper out, “In the Holy Name of Jesus, I command you to stop.” With that, the chokehold on me stopped, and she stood frozen.
When I came across the Priest, and then the psychologist, I no longer had any fear. The Priest was demonized because of his own sin. I spoke confidently, “In the Holy Name of Jesus, I command you to stop.” He collapsed on the floor and started weeping.
The psychologist was spewing what people call “wokeism” at me. I said, “in the Holy Name of Jesus, I command you to stop.” She froze. The I breathed on her and said, “I speak the Name of Jesus over you.” She began weeping, and so did I.
I wept because I know I am not worthy to be the conduit of grace like that, yet God, in my dream, allowed it anyway. She wept because she was liberated.
I woke up from the dream and I realized even more the power of the Holy Name. I also realized that the Holy Name speaks blessing over people and not curse;
“Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I have said this on account of the people standing by, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said this, he cried in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The dead man came out, his hands and feet bound with bandages and his face wrapped in a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.” John 11:41-44
Jesus raises us up among the living and unbinds us and sets us free. He has the power to do that. We get our eyes unbound so we see glory, and our hands and feet unchained so we live joy.
I am not suggesting that everyone run around like a deliverance minister (though I don’t doubt that God could have that possibility), and I want to be clear, we lay people aren’t exorcists, but I do want to say that speaking blessing instead of curse, can, in fact, bring blessing. There is power in the Holy Name.
And the Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father’s only son, full of grace and truth. John 1:14
I am writing to you all today to see if you might be interested in a 33 Day Consecration to God the Father based on the Gospel of John. The Consecration would begin on June 13th (Feast of Saint Anthony) and Consecration Day would be July 16th (Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel).
To participate in the Consecration you will need the Book, “33 Days to Greater Glory” by Father Michael Gaitley. You also need to have the Gospel of John, either on audio or in your bible. The introduction to the book lists a place where you can get an audio file for free.
It does not require anything except a commitment to read each days scripture passage, reflection, and to pray the recommended prayer. If you wanted to create your own small groups in your areas you can but it is not required.
I would send a daily reminder email.
Let me know if you are interested by emailing susancgskinner@gmail.com.
We all need to have faith in the power and Glory of our Heavenly Father for these times.
In Christ Always,
Susan Skinner
Christi gloriam et servitium — (In Christ’s service and for His glory)
Therefore God exalted him even more highly and gave him the name that is above every other name, so that at the name given to Jesus every knee should bend, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:9-11
It seems of late the Lord has put piety on my heart. Piety is a gift of the Holy Spirit. Piety in it’s expression is giving due reverence to the Lord. Justice is giving God His due, religion is a subvirtue of Justice. Piety is a gift and a fruit. Pope Saint Gregory the Great said, “through fear of the Lord we rise to piety.”
Now I will admit when I was younger, I didn’t understand this. I didn’t understand proper fear of the Lord and I certainly found having to kneel and such as something annoying I had to do and I did it out of obligation. My sense of obligation was an opening for true piety, but on it’s face at the time, I was not a pious person. But once I came to experience the Lord, and I realized how big He is and how small I am, my only response could possibly be to fall down before Him. If I could lay prostrate that would not be low enough.
Back in 2018 when I went on pilgrimage to Medjugorje, I felt the Lord ask me to kneel when I received communion. As I usually do, I fought with the Lord about it. The norm in a Novus Ordo is standing, though the General Roman Missal is clear that people who kneel cannot be turned away. I already wore a veil and received communion on the tongue. I questioned the Lord on why He asked me to do these things of old. He remained silent on the why. I suspect He was waiting to reveal why for a time when my heart was more open. I am sad to report that I did not kneel down when I came back from Medjugorje. In looking back, I did not love the Lord enough, or fear Him enough. I ask the Lord to increase my love for Him. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom as the saying goes. When COVID19 hit and the world and Masses were shut down, I sobbed at my lack of fear of the Lord, that I did not listen. When Masses reopened, I fell to my knees at communion. I did not care what everyone else thought, I only cared what the Lord thought and my love for Him increased when I realized the extent of His love and patience for me. My desire to lower myself also increased.
When I discovered the Latin Mass back in 2018, I realized this Mass had all the things the Lord had been calling me to do. The reverence, the awe, you could physically see something holy taking place and it evoked a sense of the Sacred. I have said before I don’t think the Latin Mass will save us, Jesus saves us, but I do have a great appreciation for that Mass. Of late, I have heard that the Latin Mass has been used in an, “ideological way to go backward.” This statement doesn’t make sense to me. Certainly people have ideologies, which can be formed out of truth or out of wounds. In this case, a genralization was made that all Latin Mass goers are into backwardness. That is itself an ideology. It seems to be born out of a woundedness. No, everything was not hunky dorey back in the old days, it is okay to acknowledge that and still appreciate and allow the old way of worship which gives God His due. The Liturgy itself is not an ideology, it is not backwards. If anything, it is upwards, an ascent towards heaven. All Liturgy should be this way, upwards. Degrading our history and tradition is a descent, a downward division.
When we receive Jesus in the Eucharist, no matter which Mass we attend, we are receiving the glorified body of Christ, body, blood, soul and divinity. It is His glory because the Mass takes us through the entire Paschal Mystery, passion, death and resurrection. I want you to think then about God’s glory and what scripture says.
Then Moses said, “Now, please show me your glory [his manifest presence].”
The Lord answered, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will announce my name, the Lord, so you can hear it. I will show ·kindness [favor] to anyone to whom I want to show ·kindness [favor], and I will show ·mercy [compassion] to anyone to whom I want to show ·mercy [compassion]. But you cannot see my face, because no one can see me and live.
“There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes that place, I will put you in a large ·crack [fissure; cleft] in the rock and ·cover [screen] you with my hand until I have passed by. 23 Then I will ·take away [remove] my hand, and you will see my back. But my face must not be seen.” Exodus 33:18-23
God’s glory is so great it will kill us, it was a mercy for Him to hide Himself. If that doesn’t bring you to your knees, I don’t know what will. Yet, Jesus came to us in human nature, and we have a face of glory. We spit on that face and we killed that glory on a cross, and He overcame death and now offers us His glory in His glorified Body, so we can live, truly live. It’s so humbling to even think about it. The face of Christ is now hidden in the Eucharist we receive. It is a mercy. Yet, I have heard from many of Eucharistic hosts being left under cushions in pews. I have seen it put in pockets. I have seen particles on the ground. It is bad enough that we abuse our own bodies with sin, but to do this to the Eucharist is such a great sorrow. For He took our sin and we stomp on his Body, again. Even in the precursor to the Eucharist, the multiplication of the loaves and fishes, Jesus tells them, “...Gather up the fragments left over, that nothing may be lost (John 6:12)”. And later in that chapter is says, “perceiving that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, Jesus withdrew again to the hills by himself (John 6:15).”
Are we taking Jesus by force and making him the kind of King we want Him to be? Or do we truly want to follow his ways and receive the gift he gives freely to those who seek to do His will alone and do it in reverent humility? Are we grasping at the host the way Eve grasped the fruit? Or do we receive in childlike trust? I am speaking here of the disposition of your heart.
Friends, the world is in chaos and is backwards and upside down. There is a lack of faith among the people. We spend so much time trying to fight as the world fights. We spew at one another. But the answer lies in asking God to increase our faith. We must, in our hearts, believe what we say we believe, and our actions must reflect it so much so that people can see it. You will know they are Christians by their love. Start with showing that love to our Blessed Lord in the Eucharist and don’t be afraid of the gift of piety. Piety reverences the Sacred and strengthens belief.
Veil of Veronica 