Unfathomable Mercy

Posted on February 12, 2016 by veilofveronica

Mary Magdelene the Penitent

Mary Magdalene the Penitent – who received God’s mercy – painted by my cousin  Kathleen Carr

“Let the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy. My daughter, write about My mercy towards tormented souls.  Souls that make an appeal to My mercy delight Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy. Write: before I come as a just Judge, I first open wide the door of My mercy. He who refuses to pass through the door of My mercy must pass through the door of My justice…” (Diary, 1146)

 

Sorry it’s been awhile since I have posted anything.  The past few weeks have been difficult.  In three weeks time my friends or myself have been touched by 4 suicides, one of which touched our family very personally.  I have seen a lot of despair.  I have also seen division.  I was unsettled, as I remember having a dream relating to suicide a few months back.  I know now, more than ever, our mission, as faithful is to spread hope because our God is a God of hope.  In the midst of all this, I have also seen good.  People coming together in prayer.  I have found this period of time difficult, yet I remain steadfast to stay faithful.  If you find yourself in despair, please ask God to bind up that spirit of despair and cast it out.  Go to confession.  Offer your sins to Jesus asking forgiveness.  Spread hope to others.

I believe it was meant to be that just before all of this happened, I watched a Divine Mercy 101 DVD with Fr. Chris Alar.  As I sat and pondered these suicides, feeling helpless and worried for souls, I remembered that Fr. Alar had said (paraphrasing), if you say a Divine Mercy Chaplet today for someone who has died in the past, the graces from your prayer today, because God is outside of time, are taken to your loved one at the time of their judgement. In other words, God could for see that you would say the prayer for the loved one and then apply that grace for them when they die. Our God is that merciful.  Unfathomable mercy.  Pray the chaplet, our prayers do have power.

I took all of this in and went to the 24 hour Adoration Chapel nearby.  I recorded what popped into my head as God speaking to me, I will relay only part of it here;

 

Written 1-30-16

Beloved,

The biggest mistake you all make is thinking the devil is not real.  He spreads lies and confusion.  Wreaking havoc.  This is free will’s choices.  You have to choose to love and choose the good.  I have given you the tools.  Silence the noise and the veil is lifted.  I am available to all.  Seek refuse in Mary, the perfect example.  Satan is trying to cause division in this time and has succeeded more than any other time.  Making you think you are almighty gods of yourselves.  You CAN have Divine Life.  I want to share it with you.  But it comes in being contrary to the world and being in union with the Trinity -> the ultimate goal.  Communion, not division.

Invoke your angels.  St. Michael will defend you in battle.  Be present and don’t worry about the future.  I am already there.

Divine Mercy – pray for it.  Mercy is pouring out.  Pray the Rosary.  Do penance.  Small mortification to prepare.  The Battle Cry, “Who is like God?”  The answer, no one.  My promise is true.  The gates of hell shall not prevail.  You have no idea of my love or of my ways.  Things aren’t always what they seem.  Penance.  Repent, Confess, Reparation.

-Your Abba

In the days and months to come, remember to love.  People are angry, and you may be angry, you may be justified to be angry, a righteous anger, but don’t let that hold you back from love.  Reach out to the suffering.  Bring hope to your fellow man.  Don’t answer wrath with wrath, answer it with love.  Pray for your enemies, and most of all, pray for those who have lost hope.

P.S. Continue to pray for Eva.  She was able to have a nerve block to help her pain, but the tumor is still there, wrapped around a main artery.  She suffers a lot, but remains in hope.

 

 

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God is Love

Posted on January 16, 2016 by veilofveronica

blessed mother teresa

 

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” – Blessed Mother Teresa

 

I was reading the other day that Richard Dawkins, famed atheist and scientist said the best argument for God is a, “deistic God, who had something to do with the fine tuning of the universe,”

He says it’s a weak argument.  That is one point where I would agree with him.  Deism is defined as, “a movement or system of thought advocating natural religion, emphasizing morality, and in the 18th century denying the interference of the Creator with the laws of the universe.”

I don’t believe in a God like that.  My God is intimate and loves me deeply and cares about my life.  My God is involved.

Now, I am no scientist and I know that I am no match in arguing with the intellectuals (who can make a God of their intellectualism), but I know a very personal God.   I also know there have been millions of others throughout time who have as well.  1 John 4:16 tells us, “We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.”

Science cannot quantify love.  Love makes people do things that are not logical or reasonable all the time.

People who have sat in the still and the quiet and have had an encounter with the Living God have transformed their lives and done things that to others defy logic and reason.  God’s love is that powerful.

St. Francis lived love and defied reason when he encountered the living God.  He renounced his wealth and went to live among the lepers, and rebuilt the church, both literally and figuratively.

Blessed Mother Teresa heard the call of love by God when she left the comfort of her convent and went into the streets of Calcutta.

St. Gianna Molla heard the call of love of God when she chose the option of saving the life of her unborn child over her own welfare.

St. Maria Goretti heard the call of love when she forgave her attacker, Alessandro Serenelli, and his life was later transformed by her act of forgiveness.

These people heard an interior call from God, an intimate and personal God.  A God who Himself, entrusted Himself to a woman named Mary as his entrance point to this earth.  And Mary, who because of her encounter with God gave an unequivocal “yes.”

Our God took on our human limitation out of Love and gave His life for us.  It is about sacrifice for others.

I have encountered this God personally.  His name is Jesus Christ.

Mr. Dawkins might say we are delusional.  But for 2,000 years people have changed the life they were living because of this personal encounter.  And once they changed, they felt free, they felt loved, and they lived love.

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The Saints walk with us

Posted on January 9, 2016 by veilofveronica

Louis-Zelie+Martin

“God gave me a father and a mother more worthy of heaven than of earth.”

– St. Therese of Lisieux

As I mentioned in my last post I spent the better part of the holidays watching movies about Saints.  I know that is what we are all called to be, that our ultimate goal is heaven, so I thought it would be good to see how these Saints lived their lives.  Upon reflecting on their stories it occurred to me that most of them were Priests or Sisters.  St. Rita was married and had children, but it seemed her total abandonment to God came after their deaths, though she was a faithful wife and mother in very difficult circumstances, and of course after their deaths she became a Sister.

I was mentioning this to my Spiritual Director.  That it somehow seemed harder to become a Saint when you live in the secular world and not within the confines of the convent or monastery or church.  He agreed that it probably was harder because quiet is necessary to hear God and that quiet is part of the Consecrated life.  Families don’t always necessarily get that if they don’t make time.  But we know there are married Saints, so it can be done.

Then he gave me my assignment.  He gave me a list of Saints.  These are companion Saints for the year.  He said to print the list out.  Cut them into strips, so there is only one Saint for each strip, and put them in a bowl. Then gather my family and have each member pick a name.  He told me, we are not really picking them, they are picking us.  He said we may not know the reason right away why we picked them, but once we read their story and pray the intention at the bottom of the paper we would soon know.

It was 18 pages of Saint names.  It took a lot of cutting.  My son helped fold them up.  We gathered around the table and picked names.  My oldest son picked, St. Damien of Molokai with the intention to pray for the holiness and perseverance of priests and religious in the missions.  My middle son picked St. Dismas with the intention of praying for the conversion of criminals.  I found it interesting that one son will be praying for Priests and one for criminals.  My daughter picked Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati with the intention of praying for the youth and those who want to commit suicide.  My husband picked St. John Neumann with the intention to pray for teachers, catechists, and all entrusted with the instruction of children. (Since I am a catechist, I am happy he will be praying for me!)

As I reached in, wondering who would pick me, I grabbed Blessed Louis and Zelie Martin with the intention to pray that holiness may be born in families.  I didn’t need to wait to know why they picked me.  God was answering my lament directly.  It can be done, Susan, here let me show you who will walk with you this year, parents of children, just like you.  And so my year with Louis and Zellie begins.  God will show me the fruit of this walk I am sure.

God Bless each and everyone of you this year.

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Resolutionary! Be a Flame of Love for the Year of Mercy

Posted on January 6, 2016 by veilofveronica

st francis and st clare by ignatius press

St. Clare and St. Francis in movie presented by RadiotelevisioneItaliana

Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. – St. Francis

Happy New Year and many blessings to each of you.  I spent much of the end of 2015 and beginning of 2016 watching a marathon of movies on Formed.org about Saints.  I watched one about St. Padre Pio, St. Clare and St. Francis, St. Rita, St. Peter and St. Paul, St. John, and St. Stephen.  As the first of the year approached it’s the time when most people make their new years resolutions.  I have never been much of a resolution person, but this year, I want to be revolutionary like these Saints.  I want my resolution to be to love like never before.  In watching these films, these ordinary people lived extraordinary love.  To love others and have mercy and live like Saint Francis.  To love in the most difficult of circumstances like St. Rita.  To love with the truth like St. Padre Pio.  To love without reserve and be detached from wealth and beauty like St. Clare.  To love and preach with bold confidence like St. Paul.  To stand at the foot of the Cross with St. John.  To give, even my life, like St. Stephen.  To love Christ with all my heart and lead people to Christ like St. Peter.  A resolution that is a revolution of love.  That’s what I want to do.  I want to be a flame of love like these Saints were for Christ and for others, but as the song says, I want to try to be the Saint that is just me.  I will pray that this year we can all live in love and mercy.  Even in my miserable failures, I know Christ will bring me back to love.

I also wanted to give a few updates on my dad and my friend Eva.  Dad is improving everyday.  The doctors say he will be fine. There is one story I want to tell though, he did have a “vision” when he had a heart event at the hospital shortly after surgery.  It was on December 20.  He saw all of his dead relatives.  They were singing O’ Come All Ye Faithful and going before the crib of Christ.  He said it was peaceful, not like here.  His vision gives hope.  We may all one day see our loved ones again.  I had to tell it to Eva, to let her know the hope on the other side.

Eva has been told they cannot operate on the tumor.  It has scar tissue around it from the chemotherapy and they cannot get a clear picture of it to even be able to use the NanoKnife.  She is supposed to have a nerve block at the end of this month so her pain will lessen.  She has not liked pain medication and tries to go without because she wants to be able to live and not be sleeping because of medication.  Her son worries she will die in her sleep.  There is nothing more the doctors can do.  If she lives past February, she will be in the one percent of pancreatic cancer patients who lived past a year after diagnosis.  I believe she will.  This is what she wrote on her latest posting;

I started writing letters to those who have so graciously written me in the past 9 months. The letters were incredible and heartfelt. I didn’t see myself as one that is dying so the time, money and investment in coming to see me seemed premature. Why spend your hard earned money on me with gifts and meals. Many films have a character with cancer or terminal illness ending in death and for whatever reason, I seem to pick them at random on Netflix. My son panics when I sleep, “mommy! Mommy! Are u OK? OMG, she’s not moving. mommy, mommy, plz don’t be dead!” Every time I take a nap, my son panics. Every night I wake up and he’s sqozen himself in our bed with his arm around me as if it were my last day. What you all must feel when u have contact with me wondering how long before I die. I never thought how awful it must be for YOU. You are left with a huge gaping hole. A pain you have to feel day after day while I will feel nothing after death. It almost seems unfair for you. In death all the pain is gone. Those who keep suffering are those left behind. I will not suffer as my son for my journey is nearing the finale and he will be living through the pain of his early childhood and the double tragedy of having such awful beginnings followed by the unthinkable, a mother with Pancreatic Cancer stage 4 at such a young age and less than two years after being adopted. I am so so sorry for the pain you feel as my friends, family and new friendships born under such sadness. May God hold you in the palm of his hands, as the song says. I take so many pain meds that I’m numb and asleep a lot. What is there for your pain?

It seems I have seen the revolutionary love in my friend.  She is worried about all of us.  It humbles me to see a woman in the pain she is in, and yet, always caring about others.

I went to the historic Cathedral downtown.  We have the body of our first Bishop there.  His name was Bishop Richard Pius Miles and he died in 1860.  In 1972 his body was found to be incorrupt.  It is said he was tasked with a difficult job, bringing the Sacraments and Catholic Church to a wilderness with sparse Catholics who had not seen a church in years.  When he died he left behind 14 churches and a Catholic legacy.  I knelt in front of his coffin and found a prayer card asking for his intercession.  I prayed.  I brought it to Eva, and we prayed for his intercession together.  I believe He brought many to the faith, and so has she.  Perhaps God will grant a miracle for both of them and dissolve her tumor.

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The Rebuke and Oceans of Mercy

Posted on December 16, 2015 by veilofveronica

 

The shoreline in Bethany Beach, DE

Mom and Dad overlooking the beach before Dad goes in for surgery.



Once the Lord said to me, Act like a beggar who does not back away when he gets more alms [than he asked for], but offers thanks the more fervently. You too, should not back away and say that you are not worthy of receiving greater graces when I give them to you. I know you are unworthy, but rejoice all the more and take as many treasures from My Heart as you can carry, for then you will please Me more. And I will tell you one more thing — take these graces not only for yourself, but also for others; that is, encourage the souls with whom you come in contact to trust in My infinite mercy. Oh, how I love those souls who have complete confidence in Me — I will do everything for them. — Diary, of St. Faustina 294


These past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster.  Eva couldn’t have the NanoKnife surgery because she isn’t strong enough.  They want her to get stronger.  In addition, my dad is having open heart surgery on Thursday.  Mom is anxious.  I flew up to be with them, leaving my children behind with my husband.  That is also difficult as my kids are still so young.  When I got to my parents house my parents and I watched Oceans of Mercy on the Formed.org website.  I was struck by how these Saints (Faustina, Maximilian Kolbe and John Paul II) were kind and merciful to everyone they met, including their enemies.  In fact, Maximilian would always let his picture be taken even with German soldiers.  He spoke truth, which was what got him arrested and ultimately martyred, but he came to meet everyone.  It’s a stark contrast to how I see people treating each other on social media.  We have forgotten how to have relationship.  It seems we need more Maximilian’s in this world.  I am so proud that my oldest son has picked Maximilian Kolbe as his confirmation name.  He said he picked him because of his story.  Just when I thought we need hope in the younger generation, my own son makes me see that it is there.

I also went to see my Spiritual Director Priest before I flew up to see my parents.  We talked about many things.  After I left he gave me much to contemplate to ease my anxiety in these personal and global trials of our time.

My parents live in a small beach town on the Eastern shore.  Though it is December I walked up to the beach to contemplate.  To ask God for healing for my dad and for Eva and my friends and everyone in my prayer book.  As you may know I record my conversations with God as letters.  His answer back to me are the thoughts that pop in my head when I sit and listen.  The following is my conversation;

Abba,

I am sitting here on the shoreline and it’s a relatively warm day for December.  I am staring at the beauty of your creation.  The ocean and it’s waves and the sound of the waves crashing. Even as the sun beats down it hits my clear plastic Bic pen and a rainbow appears on the page.  Beauty is everywhere.  I came here because suffering is everywhere too.  Dad has open heart surgery on Thursday.  Mom is distraught.  Old age is taking its toll.  My friend Eva couldn’t have the NanoKnife surgery because she’s not strong enough.  I don’t know what you are doing, Father, but here, in this moment, surrounded by this beauty I trust in you.

The other day while in Spiritual Direction the Priest rebuked me for sugar coating one of my sins, trying to make it sound not so bad.  I realized after I left that here recently I have been trying to bring you only the good part of me.  I didn’t want to show you the wretched part.  The part that’s anxious and afraid and sinful.  The part that fails even when I am trying.  I realized that these are EXACTLY the parts I NEED to bring to you.  That you do want ALL of me good and bad.  I need to stop hiding and trying to control everything myself.  I have known this before but life had gotten hectic and I needed the reminder.  Thank You for these good Priests who can give rebuke when needed. In rebuke I can find true repentance.  Hear my prayers and petitions O’Lord and take all of me, every wretched, broken, sinful last part.

Beloved,

I have been waiting. It seems you know but then you forget.  Always come to me with everything and I will give you rest.  Do not worry about your dad, your mom, Eva, or anyone else.  I am holding them all.  I have a plan. As time unfolds you will see.  The prayers of my faithful have become fervent and are bearing fruit.  Many who were lost have now been found thanks to my soldier souls on earth.  Remember your weapons, the Rosary, Divine Mercy, the Angels, the Saints, the Sacramentals and especially the Sacraments.  I am with you always.  Do not fear.  The doors of mercy have been opened.

-your Abba

Please pray for my dad as he has his surgery on Thursday.  And as St. Faustina, St. Maximilian Kolbe and St. John Paul the great did, perform one act of mercy a day for the sake of the Love of God.

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Be small

Posted on December 12, 2015 by veilofveronica

baby jesus

When pride comes, disgrace comes;

but with the humble is wisdom – Proverbs 11:2

There is nothing so small as a child in the womb and a newborn child.  A newborn child doesn’t know the world yet.  They are completely helpless and all control is placed in another’s hands.

This is how Our God chose to come into the world.  Entrusted by the Father to St. Joseph and our Blessed Mother Mary.  Humbling himself to be the smallest of the small.

This kind of humility is what is needed in the world.  I have said before that Pride blinds truth, but humility reveals it.  Our Blessed Mother was another great example of humility, accepting what the Father sent to her, even though it could have put her in great peril.

Paolo_de_Matteis_-_The_Annunciation

Paolo- de-Matteis/The Annunciation

It is for this reason that I pray the Litany of Humility.  I have really strongly disliked this prayer, it is hard to say.  I have struggled with it, but I pray it because I do believe if each of us was a little more humble the world would be a lot better.  I do feel with humility wisdom comes.

As I was praying it the other day, struggling through it, I felt in my heart the Lord answer me back after the second line I said, and he continued answering.  These are the words that popped into my head after each line of the Litany;

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart.  Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed deliver me.

From the desire of being loved, deliver me.

because I love you and my love sustains, no one loves you more than I.

From the desire of being extolled, deliver me.

because it is I who will lift you up.

From the desire of being honored, deliver me.

because true honor comes in following me.

From the desire of being praised, deliver me.

because you will one day sing praise in heaven.

From the desire of being preferred to others, deliver me .

because it is enough that it was not you who chose me, but I who chose you.

From the desire of being consulted, deliver me.

because all decisions you make should be brought to me first.

From the desire of being approved, deliver me.

because before you were formed in the womb, I knew you, you need no other approval.

From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me.

because it is in humility that you find me.

From the fear of being despised, deliver me.

because I will never despise you, I created you, I love you.

From the fear of suffering rebukes, deliver me.

because repentance is often found in rebuke.

From the fear of being calumniated, deliver me.

because in me you find the Truth.

From the fear of being forgotten, deliver me.

because I will never leave you or forsake you.

From the fear of being ridiculed, deliver me.

because you can share in my suffering.

From the fear of being wronged, deliver me.

because I am the way.

From the fear of being suspected, deliver me.

because I am the Life.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

because I love you more than you can ever know and I have that love for everyone.

That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

because in being small you will be greatly blessed.

That in the opinion of the world others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

because the opinion of the world is not what matters, good and faithful servant. 

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

because you will be set aside for my heavenly kingdom.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

because in you I will increase.

That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

because you KNOW ME, you will be exactly where you are supposed to be.

That others may be holier than I provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

because my command is to make disciples of all nations so that all may know my saving power.

Amen.

As we head into the Joyful week of Advent, let us remember to humble ourselves like a small child, and let Christ increase in us.  God Bless you all.

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Terrorists and the Woman Clothed in the Sun

Posted on December 6, 2015 by veilofveronica

A repost of what I wrote awhile back. Pertinent for the times.

veilofveronica's avatarVeil of Veronica

our lady of guadalupe”

“Let not your heart be disturbed… Am I not here, who is your Mother? Are you not under my protection? Am I not your health? Are you not happily within my fold? What else do you wish? Do not grieve nor be disturbed by anything.” (Our Lady of Guadalupe to Juan Diego)

As I sit and watch the news these days with the ever increasing violence committed by terrorists in the name of God, I cannot help but think of another world, ages ago, that was terrorized by violence.  One where people were sacrificed to the gods.  That world was in Mexico and was a world that Juan Diego probably knew.

Mexico had been inhabited by a people who practiced human sacrifice.  They sacrificed the people to appease their
gods.  The Spanish came, some of them also brutal, and so only a very few converted to Christianity.

Juan Diego was one of…

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Amazing Grace

Posted on December 5, 2015 by veilofveronica

Padre Pio Rosaryeva and her Rosary

In my distress I called out: LORD! I cried out to my God. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry to him reached his ears.  Psalm 18:6

Parishioners from church had a conversation with Eva about going for the Nanoknife surgery, having the metal stent removed, and then the Nanoknife done all in one operation.   It turns out this can be done.  Her surgery can be done!  She leaves for Philadelphia on December 8 – The Feast of the Immaculate Conception.  Amazing Grace.

I walked with her outside today.  The slow walk you take with a good friend.  She used her walker and we just talked.  She shared her story, and it is an amazing one.  Please keep this wonderful, loving woman in your prayers as she undergoes this surgery.  Hope abounds.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

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The Grace of Accepting Help

Posted on December 4, 2015 by veilofveronica

Eva and Michael

Eva and her son over Thanksgiving in the hospital

The soul cannot live without love.  She always wants to love something because love is the stuff she is made of, and through love I created her…That is why I have put you among your neighbors; so that you can do for them what you cannot do for me–that is, love them without any concern for thanks and without looking for any profit for yourself.  – St. Catherine of Sienna

I went over to Eva’s house yesterday morning.  When I came in two ladies from the parish were helping her to get dressed and were blow drying her hair.  She finally has some hair back that actually needs a hair dryer.   These two women from church didn’t know her before she was sick, yet here they were helping to care for her.

Eva had received some bad news.  Over Thanksgiving she had gone into liver failure.  The doctors operated and installed a metal stent.  She actually coded on the table and they had to revive her.  Now, because it is metal, she cannot have the NanoKnife because it uses electricity and having metal in her body would make it damage her liver. She was down trodden.  It has been an emotional roller coaster.  As always, her biggest concern was her son.  She did tell me at a past visit she had peeked behind the veil between heaven and earth.  She has told me that it’s all about forgiveness.

We prayed together and after I left the ladies prayed the Rosary with her.  I went to work at church and decided to go to Mass to pray for her before I began my workday.  While I was in Mass, I was conversing with God.  I was giving Him a little attitude, voicing in my head my frustration and anger over Eva’s prolonged suffering.  I figured I could have this conversation with God;  that He can take my anger and frustration.  If He wants all of me, He has to listen to my rant.

In the midst of my ranting, in my head, I felt the Lord say, “Do you still not trust me?” He continued, “you are worried about tomorrow and you are missing being present with me today.  Do you think I don’t know her pain? I am working all things for the good.”

After I left Mass and headed to my office, I ran into another parishoner who told me He and the Priest were headed over to Eva’s house.  He pulled out a Rosary that yet another parishioner made for her.  It had Padre Pio and a Miraculous Medal on it.  This parishioner did not know I had pinned a Padre Pio relic to Eva, and given my experience just a few days before with the Miraculous Medal, I couldn’t help but become teary eyed.

Later yet another friend offered to get Eva in touch with a photographer who would photograph her family.

Throughout all of this, I have seen an immense outpouring of Grace.  Strangers, Catholic and non-Catholic alike, reaching out to help this woman in need.  And all because Eva asked for help.  Eva knew her struggle would be a hard one, and she asked for help.

Too often, pride keeps us from asking for help when we need it.  Pride is an obstacle to Grace.  The outpouring of love that has taken place is actually breathtaking to me.

Take care of each other, love each other, and ask for help if you need it.  The giving and receiving, that is what it is all about.  Please continue to pray for Eva.  Our God is a God of miracles.  I saw so many small ones today that I have immense hope.

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Anxiety and a Saint’s vision for Grace

Posted on November 30, 2015 by veilofveronica
jesus-prayer-09
And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.  Luke 22:44
I used to struggle a lot with anxiety and panic attacks and as I have grown closer to the Lord this issue subsided.  I actually no longer have panic attacks at all.  But here recently I have felt a resurgence of anxiety.  The happenings in the world are making me anxious.  It was making me feel as a failure, like I didn’t have enough trust in the Lord.  I talked to my sister and she told me I wasn’t a failure, but that I should pray for a quiet confidence in the Lord.  I actually decided to pray for a bold confidence.  And so this has been my prayer for the last week.  A prayer for bold confidence.
“Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.” Ephesians 3:12
I went to visit my sister in Charlotte for Thanksgiving.  It was peaceful and fun.  My sister and I even spent time in adoration on Friday.  The anxious feeling left me.  On the way home on November, 28, from North Carolina, I was in the passenger seat of my car.  I was listening to Abide with me by Matt Maher, and there is a line in the song about “There in the night, Gethsemane, before the Cross, before the Nails, Overwhelmed, alone you prayed.”  And I realized that Christ in His humanity felt anxiety.  Anxiety at what was coming.  And that feeling this way in no way makes you a failure;because in His anxiety at what God was asking Him to do, he was about to perform the greatest gift to all mankind.  The greatest gift of love for us baring our sins and shame.
 
I prayed for bold confidence to carry whatever Cross is ahead,that I may do it with love.  At that moment, with my eyes closed, into my head popped the brightest vision.  It was the sun shining bright, and in front of it was a Golden Cross and a Golden M.  Then I saw two beating hearts linked together.  Since I was in the car I drew a very basic drawing of what I saw (without the bright colors I saw).
image shown to me
I felt as though the Lord told me, “She is the Queen of peace.  Their hearts beat in unison”.  I felt very peaceful.
 
Throughout all of these prayers I pray, I feel a constant tug toward Mary.  That she is the example.  That she is where safe harbor lays.
 
It wasn’t until I got home, I realized it was the feast of St. Catherine Laboure.  And that what I saw bore a very striking resemblance to the back of the Miraculous Medal.
 
miraculous medal
“O, Mary, conceived without sin, pray for those who have recourse to thee.”
As we await our Savior this advent season, let us remember, God is good all the time.  All the time, God is good.
 
A brief video on the story of St. Catherine Laboure can be found here.
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