An Encounter

medjmary

“Never be afraid of loving the Blessed Virgin too much. You can never love her more than Jesus did.”
–Saint Maximilian Kolbe

I had a moment both on Sunday and Tuesday, something that has never happened to me.

I was in the historic chapel at my parish both times. I was looking at the statue of Mary, all of the sudden, my eyesight blurred and something seemed to happen. Like she became more life like. When my eyes refocused, she seemed to be changing colors from a blue mantle, to a white one, to a gray one. Her arms would go from extended (like in the Miraculous medal image) to prayerful. On Sunday, I thought I needed an eye exam. I was afraid. And then, I felt inside me, BE NOT AFRAID. I went home on Sunday and after telling my husband I dismissed what I had seen.

Then it happened on Tuesday again. Blue mantle, white mantle, gray mantle. Since there were others in the chapel and no one said anything, I assume I am the only one who saw. This time I didn’t dismiss it. I wrote it down. I felt her say, “KEEP YOUR EYES ON CHRIST.” Two messages, BE NOT AFRAID, KEEP YOUR EYES ON CHRIST. I sort of frantically tried to figure out what blue, white, gray meant, as I scrolled through images of Mary in my head, not able to place a gray mantle in any image I had seen. Then I sat with it. I asked God the Father to speak to me and I recorded the thoughts that popped into my head, I know these thoughts come from many things I have read, but I record them as they pop into my head as a letter to me from God. Here is what I recorded;

Beloved, I want to show all souls my love, and I choose a few to help spread my love greatly. I wanted the Blessed Mother to show you this. Don’t make it complicated. You know what she told you. BE NOT AFRAID. KEEP YOUR EYES ON CHRIST. She changed her mantle color from blue to white, to gray. GRACE, PURITY, HUMILITY. These are the key to all things. She is the Mediatrix of Grace. She spreads my grace if only people ask. She covers you in her mantle and always points to the Son. She spreads grace. She embodied purity and humility. You need these. She showed you your own habitual sin today. Stop them. You have been given the grace. Tough times are ahead. Be not afraid, keep your eyes on Christ, as Peter did before he was distracted and sunk. Receive the grace and use it to purify your soul and humble yourself. It will make you trust. Trust is how you navigate the storm. Trust is IN THE KEEPER OF THE STORM. Christ will show you the way. You have nothing to fear. – Your Abba.

It is a simple message, her extended arms give us grace.  Her prayerful arms show us to pray without ceasing.  Be not afraid, keep your eyes on Christ, grace, purity, humility.

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When the Lions come to Devour

Daniellion

“Daniellion” by After Briton Rivière – Manchester City Art Gallery

My God sent his angel and closed the lions’ mouths so that they have not hurt me.  For I have been found innocent before him; neither have I done you any harm, O king!”

 Daniel 6:23

On the 29th of this month it will have been 5 years since Veronica’s murder.  It has been a a great Spiritual journey for me.  The name Veil of Veronica is not only about Veronica who wiped the Face of Jesus, but for me personally, it is the veil that was lifted from my eyes after my friend Veronica’s death.  I became acutely aware of the spiritual around me, both good and evil.  It is hard to explain, and there are those who will always think I am crazy.

In hindsight, all things in my life pointed me in this direction.  The direction of God who always seeks us.  He has always been waiting for me and I had come to meet Him sometimes in prayer before, but now I talk to Him all day long.  This does not mean everything is easy, or peaceful, in fact some things have been much harder. It is hard to know.  To know and want to tell others only to be attacked or seen as weird.  But because we find rest in the Lord, we can have spiritual peace.

I was reflecting back on my life, my Catholic upbringing, and I remembered my Confirmation.  I remembered picking my Confirmation name, Danielle, the feminine of Daniel,  from the Old Testament.  To many, Confirmation is a kind of graduation, a choosing for yourself to follow Christ, but this was never the intention of the Sacrament.  This Sacrament is a strengthening by the Holy Spirit of our Baptism in which we are already marked for Christ.  It is one of the initiation Sacraments, and through it the Holy Spirit gives us the strength to go out.  It increases our sanctifying grace, imparts the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and gives us courage to boldly profess the name of Christ.

It seems no coincidence then that I chose Daniel.  I remember identifying greatly with Daniel as a child.  Speaking out when others wouldn’t, being made fun of because I did.  I remember thinking how awesome it was that God protected Daniel from the lions.  The lions ready to devour him.  But as I grew older, and the worldly world took hold of me, I spoke out less against evil, and loved less.  The world had made me somewhat bitter, and I wasn’t sure of the God who I had seen so clearly when I was young.  Veronica’s murder changed all that.  God had been waiting for me all along calling me back.  My call at Confirmation to go out was lit on fire once again.   The Flame of Love is on fire in my soul.  I once again, only through the grace of God, can proclaim Him.  I only pray as the days and months forge ahead that God will continue to impart courage and strength upon me so that if the lions come to devour me, I can walk in confidence that God Almighty is holding me in the Palm of his hand.  And I say to all in the spirit of Confirmation, “we must go out and proclaim Christ the Lord!”

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Sharing in the suffering of Christ

carrying cross

But rejoice to the extent that you share in the sufferings of Christ, so that when his glory is revealed you may also rejoice exultantly. 1 Peter 4:13

August 23, 2015

Abba,

Sometimes at night as I am falling asleep I will be awakened by an intense anxiety.  I begin to have flashes in my head of children being ripped apart in the womb because of abortion.  Often I see older children who are being abused.  I see war.  I also start to feel extremely anxious and ashamed about my own sin.  I become unsettled, unable to go to sleep.  I get very distraught and often begin praying just to ease my distress.

Beloved,

It is I who am showing you these things.  There are many offenses against my Son’s Sacred Heart.  He died to take on these sins and in Him, if people believe, they can become whole and new.  I have only shown you a minuscule microbe of the offenses, for if I showed you all I see and feel, your human heart would explode from distress.  I rejoice when you pray.  I ask for reparation and prayer, that you sacrifice for others.  Sacrifice for others as my Son did.  Become one with me.  I will infuse grace in those who ask.  I will give you grace to overcome sin.  Apart from Me you are just pride and ego, but with Me you become humility, mercy and grace.  Make time in adoration.  Go to confession frequently.  Pray for the lost souls that commit heinous sin.  When you make reparation even the hardest hearts  can be changed.  Do not fear me showing you the sin, instead hold vigil and pray, pray, pray.

 

  • A side note – these nights often distress me greatly, this song embodied how I feel on these nights. – Sarah Hart, Praying with a Broken Heart.  This conversation today in the 1871 chapel has helped me greatly to know what to do.  I must pray and sacrifice for others, go to adoration and confession.
  • (About my God dialogue;I write my worries, prayers and thoughts to Him.  Then in the stillness I sit.  The random thoughts that enter my head I record.  This is not automatic writing.  It is a compilation of the thoughts that pop in my head when I speak to Him.  If it contradicts Doctrine, it is wrong.)
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Believe in Miracles and the Power of Prayer

rosary14

“Give me an army saying the Rosary and I will conquer the world.”
Pope Blessed Pius IX

Everyone loves a good miracle, yet I find today so many of us do not believe.  We have stopped expecting the Holy Spirit to act.  I find myself some days also needing hope in moments of despair, and it is then that I remember, we have a God of miracles.

I first started to notice personally that miracles are performed more often than we imagine when I started recording my petitions to God.  In an effort to make sure I prayed for people I said I would pray for, I started to write my petitions in a journal and each day I would ask God to cover over, heal, help, and generally bless the people in my journal.  I would often say the Rosary for all the intentions in my book.  As time went on, I would sometimes forget the prayers that I had.  I would forget what was asked for, and I wouldn’t look for the outcome.  I was busy in my life, but I was most assuredly asking God to remember, remember those written in my journal, even if I couldn’t remember.

Then one day I came across one of my journals from several years back.  I read my petitions and I was astounded.  Each had been answered.  They were not always the way I would have thought they would be answered, but they were answered.  These were no small prayers.  Dear Lord, please help my relative stop drinking alcohol.  Dear Lord, please help my infertile friend have children.  Dear Lord, please heal my friend from cancer.  As I scrolled down the page, I realized that each had been answered.  Many in a bigger and better way than I imagined.  There were a couple that, at first glance I thought had not been answered, like one friend who needed healing and passed away, but then I realized the place of complete healing is heaven and she was made whole.  But by in large, the majority were answered in this world and the things that at the time has seemed like impossible mountains had been moved.  Moved by the grace of God.  He whispered to me, “I have been working all these things throughout time.  I have been writing these stories.  Trust me.”

And so it is with no surprise that I know our God working through Our Lady and the Communion of Saints can work some of the greatest miracles for all to witness.  Our Lady gave us the Rosary and I know that is one of the most miraculous powerful prayers.  I was remembering a moment from history the other day.  I was in 8th grade and I remember hearing about all the turmoil in the Philippines.  Ferdinand Marcos and his wife with many shoes and the dictatorship of the Island.  It was shaping up to become a bloody battle with a few people already dead, including the staunch critic of Marcos, Benigno Aquino, Jr.,  who was assassinated.  But it didn’t become a bloody battle.  Cardinal Sin of Manila had asked the people to pray.  The people went out in front of the military praying the Rosary aloud.  They stood in front of tanks praying.  And then, a miraculous thing happened, the military laid down their arms.  Even the secular media reported how the Guns fell to Rosaries.  And the revolution was over, and the grace of God was seen.

Don’t stop believing in miracles.  Expect them.  And pray the Rosary every chance you get. Lord knows our world needs it.

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Listening in the stillness

Assumption-of-the-Blessed-Virgin-Mary

Jesus meek and humble of heart make my heart like unto thine.

Abba,

Today I will just sit in the stillness and listen to what you have to say. – Your Beloved

Beloved,

Humility.   In a days time you celebrate the Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Mary was and is the perfect example of humility.  Make her your example.  Let her be your mother.  She is the key because she is not divine, but fully human with perfect humility.  I know you struggle with humility, and with the Litany of Humility.  That struggle is born of fear.   Fear is what I want you to be stripped of and I want to strip you of all desire except union with me.  Partake in my Divine will just as Mary did.  Trust.

-Your Abba

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Another Dream and the Man of Sorrows

Man of Sorrows

Man of Sorrows Painted by Kathleen Carr – http://www.carrfineart.com/

Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for [someone] to devour 1:Peter 5:8

I had another strange dream last night.   I felt as though two worlds of mine had been meshed into one.  The world where I was younger and more care free with less worry, and the world of my present where I am married and have children.

I was at a party and it was in a mansion and there was a swimming pool outside.  Everyone in the mansion was young and beautiful, but they were also drunk.  I was the only sober person there.  I was aware that I was older and had children at home, but somehow I also was young and at this party.

I ran into a friend of mine from elementary school.  He was drunk.  In real life this friend committed suicide at the age of 17 in 1989.  I remember thinking in the dream, I am so glad he is not dead, but I realized quickly he was one of the most drunk at the party.  He was incoherent.  I pleaded with him to stop drinking and to sober up.

Suddenly I heard a noise and looked up in the sky.  I saw hundreds of bomber planes flying over head.  I knew our country was being invaded and we were about to be bombed. People were screaming, but too drunk to figure out what to do.  I looked for my friend and could not find him.

I decided I had to go home to get my kids with my husband.  I also discovered the enemy who was invading (it was never revealed who the enemy was in my dream) had been keeping a list of people they thought were subversive so that they could kill them.  I discovered also that my name was on the list, though I didn’t know why, other than the fact that the enemy hated God and I love God.

I made it home.  My son had a disguise for me, a wig, because my family also knew I was wanted.  We left for the airport and we knew that our cell phones were being tracked so we destroyed them.  We watched as the enemy army was shooting people in the streets who were not cooperative.  I was in a state of constant anxiety, yet I prayed the whole time.  I felt in my dream as if each next step I took was guided by God.  I also knew my goal is heaven, so not to fear death either.  I decided if earthly death was to come, God would prepare me, but I didn’t think I would die on this night.  Then my alarm went off and I awoke.

Upon further reflection the passage above stuck in my head.  Be sober and vigilant. I felt a sense of urgency of preparedness.  Not of “prepping” preparedness, but of spiritual preparedness.  Like we have to get our priorities in order.  In the past when I have dreamed of my friend who committed suicide I took it as a sign to pray for him, that perhaps he’s in purgatory.  But this time I had a larger sense that he represented something besides himself.  That he was representative of our society.  The mansion, the swimming pool, the alcohol, it all represents the material items our society is addicted to.  We are drunk on goods, alcohol, drugs, money, sex, you name it, anything but God.  The enemy attacking, to me that’s the devil coming, and we are not prepared for it.  We are so focused on anything but God we won’t know what hit us if our comfortable lifestyle is taken away.  I see suicide as rampant among people who lose everything and don’t know God.  Those who know God are unattached to earthly wealth so they can remain at peace even when all seems lost.

I feel as though we have asked God to leave our society.  And so, He waits, waits for us to come back to Him.  But if we want Him removed we have to deal with the consequences of removing Him.  A society without God is a society of war, death, confusion, lies, and addiction.  It is a sad society and it is what creates Jesus the Man of Sorrows.  He is sorrowful for the sin of the world.  He beckons us back to Him.  It is fitting my cousin felt compelled to paint the Man of Sorrows as her latest painting.

If you are without God in your life I urge you to call out to Him.  His mercy and love are immense.  He waits for you, so be sober and vigilant.

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Letters to God

letters to God

Moses and Aaron were among his priests, Samuel also was among those who called upon his name.  They called to the Lord, and he answered them.  In the pillar of the cloud he spoke to them; they kept his testimonies and the statute that he gave them.   O Lord our God, you answered them; you were a forgiving God to them, but an avenger of their wrongdoings,  Exalt the Lord our God, and worship at his holy mountain; for the Lord our God is holy!  Psalm 99:6-9

My spiritual director asked me to keep a journal.  I told you about it in my previous post. My journal contains my letters to God.  My director gave me an outline of how to do it. First, I must pick who I am addressing, Father, Son, or Holy Spirit, and call Him by name. I address Abba, daddy, the Father who always answers, because I am held in the palm of His hand.  My director said to address myself how I would see God addressing me.  I am beloved.

I write my worries, prayers and thoughts to Him.  Then in the stillness I sit.  The random thoughts that enter my head I record.  This is not automatic writing.  It is a compilation of the thoughts that pop in my head when I speak to Him.  I know many of the random thoughts have come from things I have read, like Saints writings and the bible, as this is what seems to pop in my head in the stillness.  I have to verify that things don’t contradict Doctrine, or the Bible, if they do they are wrong.  I thought I would share with you one sampling;

July 14, 2015

Abba,

My heart hurts so deeply.  Sin is everywhere.  Even in me as I try to purge it.  There it rests, pride, selfishness, sloth, envy, gluttony.  I confess them.  I feel new.  But temptation creeps back.  If I am so lowly and you call one as lowly as me to draw people to you, I fear greatly for the world.  There is so much wickedness.  The wicked wicked sin.  Today a video was released showing the sale of aborted baby parts.  Oh the evil.  It makes me weep for the world.  When will  we be purged of this wickedness?  I long for a time when there is no evil. I know I must first purge what is in me.  Humble me and make my heart one with Jesus.

Beloved,

As you sit in this church with me there is a storm raging outside.  I don’t give the peace that this world gives.  My peace comes in the midst of the storm.  The worldly choose the wicked and in time the hand of justice will come.  My hand.  My justice.  But before my hand falls, my ocean of mercy must be poured out.  I have been chasing every soul longing for my children to come back.  My mercy is there for the taking.  My servant, your Blessed Mother has extended her mantle and the time of mercy is now.  My son took on all this wickedness.  He is the way.  He can make all things new.  Do not fret.  Receive my mercy and know my love.

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The Intimacy of God

my journal

If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? Matthew 6:30

In my journey of this life, I had sought a Spiritual Director.  It wasn’t seeming to work.  I decided to be patient.  I didn’t want to force something that God didn’t want.  Finally, through a series of what some would call coincidence, and what I know is God, I have found a Priest who offers Spiritual Direction.

I had my first meeting with him on Friday.  He gave me an assignment.  He asked me to journal.  He wanted to me to keep a record of my dialogue with God.  I accepted the assignment.  After I left I had every intent of going and purchasing a book to journal in.

But Friday became busy.  And Saturday too.  So Sunday, I went to the bookstore at my parish to purchase a journal.  Alas, they were out.  I would need to wait even longer.  I felt sad as I knew the assignment I had been given would be put on hold even longer.  I went to my Adult Faith Formation Class and my friend Allison said, “I have something for you.”  She pulled a journal out of her purse that she had hand made.  She had created with fabric a beautiful journal.  She told me she had made it awhile ago and kept forgetting to bring it to me, but this morning for some reason she remembered and put it in her purse.  I almost cried.  My Lord, you are so involved intimately in every aspect of my life that you brought me this little item that I needed.  I hugged Allison.  She was the conduit who God used to hear my need. He is an awesome God who knows our every need.  Nothing is too small for the love of God.

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The Spirits of Fear and Hatred

spirit of fear and hatred

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.  For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you received a spirit of adoption, through which we cry, “Abba,* Father!” Romans 8:14-15

There is much fear in Christian circles these days.  Fear of the coming persecution.  I have felt it.  I have scanned the headlines, where bakers get fined for not partaking in a sin celebrating ceremony, where legislators in other countries force a state run church to redefine marriage, (though not yet individual pastors) where ISIS kills children and destroys churches, where hospitals try to force nurses to perform abortions (thankfully the hospital lost that battle).  It seems as if the world is collapsing, and perhaps the world we have come to know is.  But the only kind of fear we need have is Fear of the Lord.

Fear of the Lord is a reverence for God.

And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” Matthew 10:28  

When you follow the Lord, he holds you in the palm of His hand, and there is no reason to fear the things of this world.

1 John 4:18 tells us; “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”

The spirit of fear does not come from God, and the devil can feast on it because the devil wants you to stop trusting in the Lord.  We are called to see that God is intricately working in our lives and when we keep our hearts and eyes on Him, the divine plan unfolds for us.  The divine plan is better than anything we could ever plan for ourselves.  BE NOT AFRAID.

I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4

Instead spread joy and spread love.  Do not hate those who persecute you.  Pray for them and love them.  The spirit of hatred feeds the beast.  Another scan of the headlines today and you see it everywhere, the polarization.  We have labeled one another instead of loving one another.  While you should never compromise truth, you should also never allow hatred to take hold of your heart.  When you are in union with God, we want what He wants, for souls to be saved.

“First of all, then, I ask that supplications, prayers, petitions, and thanksgivings be offered for everyone, for kings and for all in authority, that we may lead a quiet and tranquil life in all devotion and dignity.  This is good and pleasing to God our savior, who wills everyone to be saved and to come to knowledge of the truth.” 1 Timothy 2: 1-4

Today I ask you to go out unafraid.  Make a sacrifice for a stranger, make a sacrifice for someone you don’t like.  Pray for them.  Love only spreads if we choose to spread it.

And remember;

If Christ Jesus dwells in a man as his friend and noble leader, that man can endure all things, for Christ helps and strengthens us and never abandons us. He is a true friend.
St. Theresa of Avila

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The Darkness Descends

star_of_bethlehem

“At noon darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon.  And at three o’clock Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?”which is translated, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

As I was travelling down the road in my Southern town on Monday, a few days after a the Friday morning Supreme Court decision redefining marriage, I was struck by two very bright lights in the sky.  At first I thought it was airplanes, but as I drove, they didn’t seem to move.  It was striking.  I thought, that looks like the Star of Bethlehem.  A newspaper article on Tuesday confirmed what I saw, calling it a “Star of Bethlehem Moment.”  As I drove and looked in awe at the brightness of it, I noticed a storm on the horizon.  Just underneath the two stars the sky was blacker than night.  A wicked storm was coming through.  I watched as the storm grew larger and closer to eclipsing the stars.  My heart grew spiritually heavy. Soon I could no longer see the stars.  What looked like the Star of Bethlehem was enveloped in darkness.  The light, put out.  I thought of our country.  “Eloi, Eloi, lema, sabachtani.”  Our country has forsaken Him again, just as it did January 22, 1973.  We march in Pride, the deadliest of the seven deadly sins. The world has forsaken him too, killing children in the name of God, forsaken Him just like the day of the cross. Good is called evil and evil is called good.

My Facebook page is lit up with friend fighting friend.  Families fighting families.  The Darkness has descended.

Behold, I am sending you like sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and simple as doves. But beware of people, for they will hand you over to courts and scourge you in their synagogues, and you will be led before governors and kings for my sake as a witness before them and the pagans.  When they hand you over, do not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say. You will be given at that moment what you are to say.  For it will not be you who speak but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.  Brother will hand over brother to death, and the father his child; children will rise up against parents and have them put to death.  You will be hated by all because of my name, but whoever endures to the end will be saved.  When they persecute you in one town, flee to another.  Amen I say to you, you will not finish the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes. Matthew 10:16-23

Hard times are coming ahead.  But be not afraid.  “What I say to you in the darkness, speak in the light; what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.” Matthew 10:27.

Hold fast to the Lord my friends.  “Everyone who acknowledges me before others I will acknowledge before my heavenly Father.” Matthew 10:32

I don’t write this post to scare anyone.  I only say, don’t be blind to the spiritual.  Keep your eyes on Christ.  Do not worry or be afraid.  The stars are still behind the clouds, the light will overcome the darkness.

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