Love is not Love

Posted on January 10, 2024 by veilofveronica
Ary Scheffer – Temptation of Christ

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. Mark 12:30

I was listening to a video of Voddie Baucham that is well worth the watch. While I wholeheartedly am a daughter of the Church, I rejoice when a Protestant speaks truth with clarity, even while our own leaders confuse. I have, of late, felt like a battered spouse as my friend so adeptly wrote about, so when something cuts through with clarity, it is worth sharing to help us focus and navigate these tumultuous times. If you haven’t time to watch the video, I will share briefly in my own words some of its insight here but I will use a Catholic bible translation (NCB) and add a lot of my own commentary.

So often we hear that “love is love”, and if any correction is offered a person can get labeled as “hateful.” But the truth is, true love is not hateful and there are things that the bible does tell us not to love. 

Do not love the world
or what is in the world.
If anyone does love the world,
the love of the Father is not in him. 1 John 2:15

So we ask ourselves, what “world” is being talked about that we are not to love? The verse goes on to say;

For everything that is in the world—
the concupiscence of the flesh,
the concupiscence of the eyes,
and the pride of life—
comes not from the Father
but from the world.
And the world with all its enticements
is passing away,
but whoever does the will of God
abides forever. 1 John 2:16-17

This verse spells out the “world” we are not to love. While most bible translations state, “desires” of the flesh, “lust” of the eyes and the “pride” of life, I love that this NCB translation uses the word “concupiscence.” I am not here to go into which translation is right. The Pastor in the video does not use concupiscence and still gets the point across clearly. I am here just to expound on what he was saying, and the word concupiscence reminds us of our Catholic roots and the fact that we are fallen and desire to do wrong things. We became disordered when we fell from grace, and we all have concupiscence. When we start to call our concupiscence and our sin “irregular” we do a disservice to the gravity of the fall from grace against an infinitely good God and we do a disservice to the immensity of God’s saving grace that wants to elevate and divinize us.

His divine power has bestowed on us everything that is necessary for life and for devotion through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and virtue. By these he has given us his precious promises, great beyond all price, so that through them you may escape from the corruption with which evil desires have infected the world and thereby may come to share in the divine nature. 2 Peter 1:3-4

Something “irregular” invokes imagery of being able to be made regular by man. While something sinful can only be made whole and healed and better than regular through surrender to the Divine Will. The latter takes repentance and reliance on God, not man. In our efforts to be empathetic I think we have become cruel. We steal from people the knowledge and understanding of the love of God by watering down truth in luke warm language.

When our source becomes anything other than God alone (Mark 10:18), then the source of our love is not of God. Thus, when the love comes from wrong desire or from pride, we can know that this love is not of God and we are told, do not love it. Our society seems unaware of this. Many of our church leaders do too. If I desire to fornicate outside of marriage, that is a disordered desire and must come to God and beg his mercy upon me. How do I know? Because scripture tells us;  

Are you not aware that wrongdoers will never inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! Fornicators, idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, sodomites, thieves, extortioners, drunkards, slanderers, swindlers—none of these will inherit the kingdom of God.  Some of you were once such as these. However, now you have been washed clean, you have been sanctified, you have been justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11

We can know these things are wrong through natural law and because of the harm that comes to others and ourselves when we do these things. We may think there’s no harm, but there is, and it is why we are told not to do them. It isn’t because God wants to restrict us, but because God wants us to be glorified in Him, not of ourselves. 

It isn’t just the source of love that must be from God, but the object of our love must also be Godly. If we love the object so much so that it becomes our identity – I AM statements of anything other than being a child of God, then it is ungodly. It is actually idolatry. We all sin but when we identify as our sin or we identify others by their sin it is not of God.  

We can clearly see that loving the world has a twofold problem, a bad source (concupiscence) and a bad object (sin). The fruit of all this can also clearly be seen. The fruit is division, violence, depression, rage, anxiety, death and war.  Love is not love. A bad source and a bad object can send you to a place where there is no love if you don’t choose to change. True love is a person and Jesus really is the answer.

Ask yourself what is it that you love? If it isn’t God alone then bring your desires and attachments before God and surrender them. The Holy Spirit is just waiting to dwell within you, so you bear good fruit. 

In contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness,  gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things. Galatians 5:22-23

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Dialogue with the Devil

Posted on December 19, 2023 by veilofveronica

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say…. Genesis 3:1

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman (the church);

Serpent: Did God really say you can’t bless same sex attracted persons?

Woman (the Church): God said that we can’t bless sinful unions. God desires recognition of sin and repentance. Individual people have always been able to be blessed, the Mass closes daily with blessing. Spontaneous blessings are almost always granted to individuals who ask.

Serpent: Surely they have legitimate relationships, God must not be merciful. He must not really love. Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t you think they need their own blessing together for the relationship?

Woman (the Church): what you say sounds true, we will consume this message and write a document on how God wants to bless all good in these unions. It will not speak of repentance of sin in the confessional nor will it point our the disordered nature of these unions because that would be seen as unmerciful.

Serpent: Let the little children come to me and watch your blessings. I can’t wait to make them part of my kingdom. My legion will make them to understand that marriage isn’t necessary.

To all the Priests out there speak God’s authority into this lightning storm, this is an opportunity to break unholy soul ties and bring deliverance. This is the only appropriate blessing, one of deliverance from sin and breaking unholy soul ties. Expect miracles because God brings his glory in the middle of raging storms.

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Doctrines of Demons

Posted on December 15, 2023 by veilofveronica
The Triumph of Christianity over Paganism – Gustave Doré.

If you would hearken to my commandments, your prosperity would be like a river, and your vindication like the waves of the sea. Isaiah 48:18

I am taking a refresher course in Discipleship Deliverance from Jansen Bagwell because it is always good to be reminded of the things that set us free. In last night’s class Jansen said that there is only one verse in Scripture where the Holy Spirit speaks. While there are many where the Spirit acts or falls upon someone, the only one that specifically refers to the Spirit speaking says,

But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons…. 1 Timothy 4:1

We ask ourselves why is this the only reference to the Spirit speaking? It is because the way the Spirit speaks is by unveiling Christ to us. He does not speak on His own. In fact, even in this passage He is speaking through Saint Paul, who has the Spirit dwelling within. The catechism actually says of the Spirit – He is divine effacement (ccc 687) Effacement literally means, to remove the face. Isn’t that interesting? The Holy Spirit wants the glory of God in you, made in the image and likeness of God. He is teaching us that when we look at ourselves and at others, we should see God’s face. 

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. Matthew 25:40

So then, in these latter times, we must ask ourselves do we have the Spirit dwelling within? Or are we listening to deceitful Spirits and doctrines of demons?

We can know that the larger church is listening to doctrines of demons when we see thousands of years of moral doctrine cast aside, we get told tradition will die a slow and bloody death (sounds like Christ’s death the church is going through), and we see science proclaimed as Gospel and savior. God is making transparent the corrupt and demonic things. But we must ask ourselves if we too are listening wrongly? Are you being barraged with doctrines of demons and deceitful spirits? Are they telling you a myriad of things like, “you’re stupid, you’re crazy, you should just quit! The church is dying, science is god and has won, you’re never going to be vindicated. God has not heard all your prayers. You pray in vain. You should hate and belittle and dehumanize those who have done this. Leave the church and find somewhere else! Speak damnation on those souls and curse them!”

This twofold attack is one that tries to wear you out and also tries to get you to hate so you either quit in weariness or you spiral into rage.

But neither of these is the answer. We must be open to the Spirit of God dwelling within us. All these years of confession and receiving the Eucharist we were and are being transformed. Believe and ask God to make it so in you. Set your mind on the Spirit!

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. Romans 8:6-8

We must ourselves personally be subject to the law of God, otherwise we cannot please God. We know these laws because we have been taught, and all of it is based on love. All things fall under the two greatest commandments.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Upon these two commandments hang the whole Law and the Prophets Matthew 22:37-40

Jesus also made clear in the parable of the good Samaritan that our neighbor encompasses all. He even commanded us to love our enemies. 

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:43-48

So, when we have these fiery darts flung at us all day, we must ask the Lord to teach us how to think as He thinks and not how demons think. We must be open to the Holy Spirit who teaches what to pray when we are left without words in the darkness we seem to be in. 

 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27

Praying and living in the Spirit brings forth fruit. 

 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Galatians 5:22-24

When we live and pray in the Spirit, there is no need for law because we become love which houses law. We can also see this because we see the Spiritual and Corporal Works of Mercy acted upon. We will,

  1. Instruct the ignorant (in charity and not condescension)
  2. Counsel the doubtful
  3. Admonish the sinner (without labeling the sinner as their sin, thereby making it their identity)
  4. Bear wrongs patiently
  5. Forgive offenses willingly (Mercy is a choice and it looks like Christ crucified)
  6. Comfort the afflicted
  7. Pray for the living and the dead (praying in the Spirit as we ought)

We will also;

  1. Feed the hungry (without telling everyone we did so we look good)
  2. Give drink to the thirsty
  3. Clothe the naked
  4. Shelter the Homeless
  5. Visit the Sick
  6. Visit the Imprisoned
  7. Bury the Dead (with due respect for God’s creation – without sprinkling our loved ones all over or putting them in jewelry. Their bodies belong to God and should be buried in consecrated ground).

We may be called more to one of these things than others in these lists – as the Spirit gifts us – but we are called to do these things. The person in the Spirit wants all to be saved and bears no ill will in their heart. They do what God asks joyfully, fully and immediately. They make their life a Liturgy.

Notice too, none of these things are weak. They are meek and humble of heart. Meekness is submissive to the Will of God, which makes it powerful, not weak. 

When we read the headlines about this person or that person “destroying” another person, though we might get a happy emotion seeing our side win an argument, however, we should never delight in someone’s destruction. Destruction is of the devil. You don’t build up by tearing down. Enmity is for the devil because we are fighting powers and principalities. If we go down in the destruction and darkness where everyone else is, then no one is looking up and we have listened to doctrines of demons. The path of the Way is towards total union with God’s will which is a path of purity of heart, looking up and believing God is bigger. 

May your face look like the Face of God to the world. May His light shine upon you and in you. May we be trained to think only by God and not by the demonic. And may the peace of Christ be with you always, especially in the middle of the storm.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Matthew 5:8

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Pushing Up Daises

Posted on November 29, 2023 by veilofveronica

“The work of the devil will infiltrate even into the Church in such a way that one will see cardinals opposing cardinals, bishops against bishops. The priests who venerate me will be scorned and opposed by their confreres…churches and altars sacked; the Church will be full of those who accept compromises and the demon will press many priests and consecrated souls to leave the service of the Lord. Our Lady of Akita to Sr. Agnes Sasagawa October 13, 1973

The following is my recollection of what I experienced in prayer on November 10 and November 12, 2023. I post it here for your discernment. My only intention in posting this is to help people grow closer to God.

I went to Mass in the morning and during the Consecration I closed my eyes to pray. I saw in my head Our Lady of Sorrows. Her eyes with tears and dark circles, she looked like this;

Her face came so close to mine. And then she seemed to enter into my forehead. Suddenly I was viewing her from the top down. She bent over and I saw a fountain adorned with angels.

She was drinking from the fountain. I heard her say, “drink from the fountain of life,” but I also knew she was relaying to me that this fountain of life had to be dwelling inside of me in order to face the sorrows to come. As if she knew I understood, the image then changed, she was now Our Lady of Grace;

She was beautiful and was inside of a church looking out upon the people. There were hundreds of flowers like white daises hanging from the ceiling. Her hands were outstretched. The people had what looked like clouds of black spores over top their heads. But light emanated down from the daises and the black spores dispersed into nothingness and people’s heads became clear.

The last thing I saw was a top down view of a spiral wooden staircase. It reminded me of the miraculous staircase of Saint Joseph.

Then everything stopped and it was time for communion. All I knew was that whatever was coming would be a sorrow, and that we as a people need to be interiorly prepared, and that God and His Mother are working all things for the good of those who love them.

The next day Bishop Strickland was forcibly removed from His office.

Feeling disheartened I went on November 12, 2023 to our old chapel to pray. I laid prostrate on the floor and poured my heart out to God. I told Him that I understand the church teachings and I want to live them completely in my heart, not just know them in my head, and that I wanted to live them even if no one else did.

I closed my eyes and saw rows and rows of daises. These daises were living and breathing beautiful in a way I had never seen before. This was the 2nd time in 3 days I saw daises. I asked the Lord, “what’s with the daises?”

I got an immediate answer. “Daises bring comfort to a Mother who has lost a child.” And I again saw Our Lady of Sorrows, holding the Body of Jesus, but I knew that Mary was mourning for the church, to whom she is Mother. She was holding the Mystical Body. I burst into tears.

Then I realized though that the daises were alive in a way that only God could portray them, beautiful life of His creation, different than what we have corrupted. And I thought of how what’s impure and unholy needs to actually die, so a new Pentecost can be ushered in; one where the Gifts of the Spirit are poured out and we know that God alone is good.

We are being purged of our attachments to particular goods, so that, we will be attached to God alone, who is good.

Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone.” Mark 10:18

Now is the time for praying without ceasing. Do not tire of praying for transforming union with God. Try not to be discouraged in your suffering and ask God to help you be thankful. It isn’t wise to focus too much on the sin of others that we cannot control and it definitely isn’t wise to want their eternal damnation. Want what God wants. Prepare yourself, purge your sin, and pray like never before and most of all Trust God.

“and let the one who believes in me drink.” As the scripture has said, “Out of the believer’s heart shall flow rivers of living water.” John 7:38

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Whose Kingdom Do You Serve?

Posted on November 21, 2023 by veilofveronica
The Meeting Between Melchizedek and Abraham – Peter Paul Rubens 1617

Prayer is nothing else than union with God. When the heart is pure and united with God it is consoled and filled with sweetness; it is dazzled by a marvelous light. – St. Jean Marie Baptiste Vianney

At my parish we rolled out Family Catechesis from Sophia Institute Press as part of our religious education program. We’re teaching parents to teach their children the faith. The following is a talk I gave to the parents on prayer.

If you want to know what your Spiritual Gifts may be, take the Spiritual Gifts Inventory!

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Get Battle Ready

Posted on November 16, 2023 by veilofveronica

Lord, I give you permission to use me in any way You desire. I ask you to give me the grace to see Your hand in action, so I can give you all the glory. Amen. – Father Tom DiLorenzo

We were privileged to have our Diocesan exorcist, Father Dan Reehil, come speak to us about Spiritual Warfare and give great insight into the Children of Fatima.

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Holy Water

Posted on November 15, 2023 by veilofveronica
The Descent from the Cross – Van der Weyden – 1435

Then David and the people who were with him lifted their voices and wept until there was no strength in them to weep. 1 Samuel 30:4

A POEM OF DIVINE GAZE

POEM BY LEAH FISH:

Holy water

The tears that are cried

Holy water 

Flows from my eyes

Washing the face

That bears so much pain

Holy water

From the wellspring within

A fountain where He meets me

A fountain

I see him

Just dip one finger in

It changes

It stirs something deep. 

O living water

Flow from my eyes

Living water

I take the drink you’ve offered me.

Take my tears!

Flooding from the depths of me

I give my tears, each one I cry

I take my tears and wipe the dirt I see

Your face is swollen 

Your hair is matted

Your eyes barely seen

Yet You give me tears

I can offer

Tears that well up and flow from a place 

where we meet

Water to wipe your cheeks

Reflections I can see

Tears that soften me

Holy Tears given and

I offer back to thee

Please take them

May they console You in Your Agony

I look into Your Face and see a mother like no other.

A Mother You offer me.

She opens her mantle and wraps it gently yet firmly completely surrounding me

I look into Your Face and I see thee

I look into Your Face and Your gaze embraces me

Your gaze upon me

An embrace of my Divine Spouse enraptures me 

No words as the eyes of lovers meet

Knowing

Only those who know can understand

The intimate penetrating gaze that has no words

Yet fully and completely

sees

hears

listens

knows and touches me

in a place deeper than the deep

wider than oceans

farther than the stars!

All creation held within a small round Host before me

Humble King

Intimate Lover

I surrender

I give You all of me

I hold nothing back

I love You!

More of You and less and less of me 

Help me be smaller still

To come to the very center

The narrowest door

The one to the inner chamber

Where it is simply our hearts together

Beating as one. 

Light-fire- sun

Intimate Lover

Incarnate King

You enrapture me

As I look into Your gaze upon me. 

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Unveiling the Temple

Posted on November 9, 2023 by veilofveronica

At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. The earth shook, and the rocks were split. Matthew 27:51

With the news today of the Vatican allowing transgenders to be baptized and become Godparents, I am sure many people find themselves confused. We live in a time of identity crisis, where most of the world does not know the Father, and where confusion reigns the day. I like to look at these things through a wider lens of the story of God and His call to His people, who it seems, are not listening, but who He wants to save. In order to do this, we have to look at the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Prior to the fall, the union, it is beyond what we can picture. God wants us back in union and He gave us Mary, who is singular, in her grace filled unity.

Mary was saved preveniently by the Passion, death and resurrection, applied to her outside of time. Let’s now step back a moment into the Old Testament.

In the Old Testament the Temple held the Ark of the Covenant.  The area where it was kept had a veil, a curtain, that separated the Ark from the front portion of the temple.  The area of the Ark had no candles or natural light.  It was illuminated by God’s glory.  The lambs were slaughtered outside, the One High Priest would take the blood of the lambs and he would crawl under the veil or curtain and he was the only one allowed to do this.  He would then pour the blood of the lamb onto the ark in the center where it was illuminated by God’s glory.  This area in the center of the Ark where the blood was poured was known as the Mercy Seat.

Mary, who is the new ark of the covenant, was saved preveniently by the cross.  Her body is also a temple of the Holy Spirit, full of grace. Because she was already saved, the act of the temple veil being torn in two at the crucifixion had already been applied to her, meaning she was unveiled before God at the time of her conception, totally transparent and Immaculate.  In the Old Covenant the One High Priest had to crawl under the veil and he was the only one allowed in, but with Mary because the merits of the Cross were already applied to her, she was unveiled by the Holy Spirit and so bound to the Spirit was she, that the One High Priest, Jesus, made His home in her totally transparent, totally unveiled, totally pure, womb. Her soul and body so full of grace that she became the Ark, the Mercy Seat, at her Fiat to the angel. She was, so to speak, completely naked and unashamed before God. This is about her body and soul being so open to God, so unveiled, because of the saving Grace of God. His blood sacrifice applied to her, once and for all.

At the Nativity, like the Glory that illuminated the Ark of the Old Covenant, Mary too would have been illuminated with the light of God’s Glory. You can picture the birth, not as a regular birth, but one so filled with light that would emanate and pass through her. A light that would make Joseph fall face down on the ground. A light that would be marked in the heavens. She would have borne none of the curse that came upon us at the fall for she was Immaculate.

This light of the Mercy Seat is extended to us at our baptism. It’s where Christ gives us a piece of Mary, so to speak. That is to say, that through the Immaculate Conception, we are reborn in the waters of baptism, like waters of her womb, the womb of the temple, and we are washed in her Immaculate Conception, the gift that God gave her, and we are born again. But from there, we have to journey to the cross for our own complete unveiling. While Mary remained unveiled with God, from conception to the Cross and her own dormition, we have work to do. Most of us don’t want to be unveiled, that is to say, we don’t want to be shown how far we are from God. We don’t want to take up our Cross and follow him. This is because, in comparison to Mary, we are a misery. I know I am. But this unveiling of us brings total purification.

The unveiling is actually known as the Apocalypse and it’s where everything becomes transparent, and God reveals all.  We will see how far we have fallen. We will see how twisted our identity has become and how demons trained us to think. Our souls will be laid bare, and we will see clearly.  Those inside the church have failed at many things. Many and have rejected the invitation to the cross and to purification. We even stopped praying for people to convert to Christ. We find ourselves in a house that is burning, wondering how we got here.

Once more Jesus spoke to them in parables, saying: “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a wedding banquet for his son.  He sent his slaves to call those who had been invited to the wedding banquet, but they would not come.  Again he sent other slaves, saying, ‘Tell those who have been invited: Look, I have prepared my dinner, my oxen and my fat calves have been slaughtered, and everything is ready; come to the wedding banquet.’  But they made light of it and went away, one to his farm, another to his business, while the rest seized his slaves, mistreated them, and killed them. The king was enraged. He sent his troops, destroyed those murderers, and burned their city. Matthew 22:1-7

Rome is burning. God has invited all to the banquet.

Then he said to his slaves, ‘The wedding is ready, but those invited were not worthy. Go therefore into the main streets, and invite everyone you find to the wedding banquet.’ Those slaves went out into the streets and gathered all whom they found, both good and bad, so the wedding hall was filled with guests. Matthew 22:8-10

With all the people at the banquet, we will soon find out who is purified and who is not. God will be the judge, not us. Your duty is to see to it that your own heart is pure and surrendered to God.

“But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing a wedding robe, and he said to him, ‘Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding robe?’ And he was speechless.  Then the king said to the attendants, ‘Bind him hand and foot, and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ For many are called, but few are chosen.” Matthew 22:11-14

Pray to be purified. Take up your cross and follow Him. Be unveiled by God because this is where true charity will be forged within you. You will be a Temple of the Holy Spirit.

One day at the end of time, our bodies will be glorified for those who chose God, which is to say who chose Jesus, love, mercy and truth. The wedding garment will be white. It will render you without blemish.  We will either be naked and unashamed accepting mercy, or we will find ourselves naked and ashamed and rejecting mercy, blaspheming the Spirit to which Mary is so bound. The blasphemy of the Spirit is the unforgivable sin. Take Mary into your home. Don’t blaspheme her or her Holy Name. No matter where these times lead us, let the direction of the Cross guide you. Follow Christ and His Mother. Pentecost is on the other side.

O, My Jesus, save us from the fires of hell and save all souls in most need of thy mercy.

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Grief

Posted on October 30, 2023 by veilofveronica

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

The past couple of years with all the things that have happened in the world, and all the things that have happened personally, I have touched grief up close. There is a book by Daniel Walser called To Make a Life. I have not read it so I don’t know if I can recommend it. But in the book, he apparently describes grief like being in the upstairs room of a house on fire and all of your friends are outside trying to help with firehoses but they’re not in the fire with you, and most don’t want to come close because they can’t stand the fire. Christa Wells wrote a song called Come Close after reading this passage in the book.

The other day I listened to the lyrics of the song;

I’m afraid of the space where you suffer
Where you sit in the smoke and the burn
I can’t handle the choke or the danger
Of my own foolish, inadequate words
I’ll be right outside if you need me
Right outside

What can I bring to your fire?
Shall I sing while the roof is coming down?
Can I hold you while the flames grow higher,
Shall I brave the heat and come close with you now?
Can I come close now?

So we left you to fight your own battle
And you buried your hope with your faith
‘Cause you heard no song of deliverance
There on the nights that followed the wake
We never though to go with you
Afraid to ask

What can I bring to your fire?
Shall I sing while the roof is coming down?
Can I hold you while the flames grow higher,
Shall I brave the heat and come close with you now?
Can I come close now?

Lay down our plans
Lay down the sure-fire fix
Grief’s gonna stay awhile,
There is no cure for this
We watch for return,
We speak what we’ve heard
We sit together, in the burn

What can I bring to your fire?
Shall I sing while the roof is coming down?
Can I hold you while the flames grow higher,
Shall I brave the heat and come close with you now?
Can I come close now?

I cried because I have been in both positions of this song. I have been the person on the outside who doesn’t understand and has had “foolish inadequate words,” who left people to fight their own battle. I have also been inside the burning house this past couple of years.

In the past few years besides the Global pandemic we all went through, I lost my dad and I was the one who found him dead. I lost my mom to dementia, though she is still living. I lost my dreams for my kids who became filled with anxiety in an overwhelming world. I lost my health when I threw my back out and got COVID. I lost a lot of my ministry that I was doing and I lost my little dog, Rosie too. And I was left in the fire of it all. Save for a very small number of friends and family, I may have choked to death. I almost lost my faith. My faith was tested to an extreme and my sweet remembrance of time with God, who seemed to have left too during that time, was what I clung to. I finally realized that God loved me in the middle of it all. I look back now in thanksgiving, but I was stripped to nothing. It is a surrender I cannot explain.

I have emerged on the other side of that severe time with a deeper understanding of God and His love for us. I can see how in the church we have failed on a lot of levels to minister to people who were in a house on fire. People who turned to the church when their son or daughter experienced same-sex attraction and the church had no answer to help, or perhaps did but relegated it to the embarrassing basement where we won’t talk about it openly. I can see why it needs to be talked about. But I also see the grave error of trying to throw away truth and accept sinful disorder as a place that God cannot be big enough to overcome, as was the opinion I read in the book, Building a Bridge, by Father James Martin. There is no belief that God can lift a person out of sin, so people don’t even try. This is not correct.

I can see too how tradition brings comfort and protection and how it must not ever be lost, but I can also see that tradition alone is not the Savior. Tradition has revealed Truth. Truth is a person and we must never ever leave truth behind. Both sides can miss the narrow way; the way of love.

I was watching a Jansen Bagwell’s video on Halloween the other day and in the video he was talking about when Jesus went to Gadarenes and healed two demoniacs sending the demons into the swine (Matthew 8:28-34). The response of the people in this town was to ask Jesus to leave. It was easier to go back to what they knew, rather than to acknowledge the one who heals can heal even the most possessed sinner. We too who know the law of the Lord can lose sight of the fact that God is big enough to heal anyone or anything too. We can all be short sighted.

Today, I went to confession. For my penance the Priest told me to meditate on my favorite passage in the bible. My favorite passage is when Jesus gives Mary to John at the Cross. I opened to read chapter 19 of John and I read my favorite part but I kept reading a little further. I read this from John 19:38-42;

After these things, Joseph of Arimathea, who was a disciple of Jesus, though a secret one because of his fear of the Jews, asked Pilate to let him take away the body of Jesus. Pilate gave him permission, so he came and removed his body. Nicodemus, who had at first come to Jesus by night, also came, bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes, weighing about a hundred pounds.  They took the body of Jesus and wrapped it with the spices in linen cloths, according to the burial custom of the Jews. Now there was a garden in the place where he was crucified, and in the garden there was a new tomb in which no one had ever been laid.  And so, because it was the Jewish day of Preparation and the tomb was nearby, they laid Jesus there.

I started to cry in church at the picture of these two religious men, men who knew who Jesus was but were afraid to openly go where he went, wrapping His dead body with such love and such care. The two of them witnesses to the Love of God they saw in Jesus but were too fearful to let go of their religion to follow. When they placed him in the tomb in their grief, they placed their own expectations and religious belief in there with him. They would never leave behind where they came from. They would soon understand the fulfillment of where they came from. It took the death of God for them to fully surrender and know that God is good.

We are in a period of time where the church is being crucified. It is a grief and we must process it. For this is not the end of how God intended things to be. We must always remember that the purpose for this is purification. We must always remember that God is good even when the world looks so bleak. We are headed towards the tomb, but it isn’t a tomb, it is a tabernacle. We will come forth from it with new life if we let God work in us. Even after the Resurrection it took some time until Pentecost, but a new Pentecost is coming.

To all the people out there who came to the church for help when your house was on fire with a situation of grief, where your hopes and dreams or your loved ones or your health were lost, I am sorry. Don’t leave truth behind but instead speak to God about your fear and then follow the truth of what the church teaches and be open to where God takes you. To all the people out there who are afraid to leave your comfort zone and surrender to God’s plan, know that God wants better things for you, better than you can imagine and let go of your worries and fears and pray like never before and let God pour grace into it all.

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Do You Believe?

Posted on October 19, 2023 by veilofveronica
Ford Maddox Brown – Jesus washes the feet of Peter

Why do you call me good? God alone is good. Mark 10:18

On October 12, after viewing what was happening in Israel and at the synod, I took a blessed picture of Saint Michael and I placed it on my front door. I prayed for protection and guidance for my family.

In the early morning hours of October 13, well before I would normally wake up, I received a phone call of yet another crisis. I won’t go into it here except to say it was another huge personal suffering. I laid in bed in tears asking God if he had heard my prayers. In the silence the still small voice asked me a question.

Do you believe that I AM good?

I responded, “yes, Lord, I believe, at least I am trying, help my unbelief.”

He whispered, “Mary believed, in all things and in all circumstances, that I AM good.”

I was then shown an image in my head of God physically moving a mountain. And I knew, I knew, that God alone is good. I had no doubt that he has the nations, the synod, and my personal circumstances in the palm of His hand and I was able to rest.

Over the next week as I went to daily Mass I listened as we prayed for peace in the Middle East and God whispered, “there will be no peace without conversion.” And I knew that is exactly what we are supposed to pray for.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” John 14:6

Last night I went outside and took off my shoes. Though it was cold I placed my bare feet on the grass in my backyard. My yard has been blessed. My home has had Mass prayed here. I stood on this holy ground thinking of Moses at the burning bush.

 God said to Moses, “I am who I am.” He said further, “Thus you shall say to the Israelites, ‘I am has sent me to you.’ ” Exodus 3:14

In the quiet of the night my feet grounded in creation, God said, “I AM good”. And my body sobbed as I breathed out grief. Grief that we don’t know how good He is, so good that He sent His only Son;

‘For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. John 3:16

And I began to pray ardently for the conversion of myself, my family, my community, my nation and of the world.

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; It is the name above all names Lord, and at the name of your Son Jesus every knee shall bow: Thy Kingdom come; May every nation be baptized in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, baptized into the Kingdom: Thy Will be done; pour out and confirm us in the Holy Spirit, bring us a new Pentecost: On earth as it is in heaven; Lord bring us into union with you, in our marriages, our families, our communities and our nations, return us to Eden: Give us this day our daily bread; May we all come to know your true presence, your Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity, in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar: and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; May we be absolved and reconciled to you, to the church, to one another, receiving your mercy so we may love as you love; Lead us not into temptation; Lord strengthen and purify the Priesthood the guardians of the flock. Help them protect us and guide us in the authority you gave them, help them and help us to evangelize your love to those who do not know you: but deliver us from evil; Lord we are sick, very sick, our hearts are blackened, anoint us with your holy oil so that we may be healed in our minds, hearts, souls and bodies, and so that we may be with you forever. Amen.

Believe.

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