Standing on Sand

sand storm


The Law came in so that the transgression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,  so that, as sin reigned in death, even so grace would reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 5:20-21

The past couple of months have interiorly been difficult for me and I have been trying to talk to the Lord about it.  There was a barrage of things that took place, starting with the dog, to some family turmoil, to sickness.  All of it was coming at me from outside.  From other people, places and things.  There were just so many things I could not control.  I was feeling pummelled.  Couple that with the the state of the world and it’s deterioration, and the internal battle began raging.  The enemy was at the gates, trying to break in and get me to believe the lies.  The enemy tries every tactic he can to get you to walk away from God.  If he sees your interior growing in holiness, he will pummel with exterior things.  This is how I know that I am actually doing what God wants, when the attack gets fierce.  God was wanting me to wrestle with and figure out a very big question.

WHO AM I?  Have you ever asked yourself this question, or even asked another person?  Almost always you get an answer of what a person does.  I am a teacher.  I am a doctor.  I am an accountant.  But this is not what God wanted from me.  He did not want to know what I did.  He wanted to know WHO I AM.  What is it He sees?  This is vastly different than a job.  When you start asking who you are in God’s eyes, you can also see where you are standing on sand.  What do I mean by this?

The walk with God is one of purification.  It is one of perfection in virtue where you become attached to God alone.  When you are attached to God alone, you operate in the very essence of who you are.  All of your gifts become apparent and they are used in service of God which brings you in closer communion to other people – regardless of what they are doing.  You learn how to interact lovingly, how to pour God’s life and truth out into the world.  But the closer you get to God, the more you see what you cling to that is not Godly, and how the devil can even use things that are inherently good to draw you away from God by twisting that inherent goodness into something self serving.

Let me give you an example.  I could use any example, but I want to use one I see a lot of fighting about in Catholic circles; the Liturgy.  I am a stickler for Liturgy.   I like the Liturgy to follow the rubrics because they were written by the authority of the church, which we should be obedient to.  This is all good.  I have noticed Catholics can “church shop” as much as Protestants in this regard.  If we like one Priest better than another we leave and go to another church.  Now please understand what I am saying here – we should have a proper liturgy this is good.  But what happens when it gets abused?  We leave and go elsewhere.  That is not necessarily bad to do that right?  Right.  But here’s the thing; WHAT IF IT ALL BECOMES BAD?  What do we do then?  The catechism tells us;

“Before Christ’s second coming the Church must pass through a final trial that will shake the faith of many believers. The persecution that accompanies her pilgrimage on earth will unveil the ‘mystery of iniquity’ in the form of a religious deception offering men an apparent solution to their problems at the price of apostasy from the truth. The supreme religious deception is that of the Antichrist, a pseudo-messianism by which man glorifies himself in place of God and of his Messiah come in the flesh.  – Catechism of the Catholic Church 675

So what if we have all left all of the places where there is abuse and we find ourselves with no place left to go?  Do we lament and call ourselves the remnant as we watch “those people over there” self destruct and hide away hoping to avoid their fate?  That seems to be what the Apostles did to Jesus.  Only one stood with him when it all fell apart.

I had to ask myself that question seriously, and what it means to know WHO I AM in God’s eyes and what exactly is He asking me to do?  If I am simply looking for the Liturgy to be better and proper…. what am I actually doing?  It seems to me I am clinging to SECURITY and not to God.  What if God wants me in the middle of a place filled with ABUSE?  I need to know WHO I AM so I can remain standing.  I need to know I AM THE LOVED DAUGHTER OF A KING.  And my security doesn’t come from RUBRICS but GOD. Who will hold me up when the world starts crumbling?  If everyone else is disobedient, where will I turn?

Why is this important?  Because if I do not rest securely in GOD and the fact that who I am is HIS CHILD WHO HAS BEEN GIFTED, I will run away from every uncomfortable situation, cling to my worldly security, and shut down the gifts that he gave me and wants me to use.  I will be operating OUT OF FEAR.  Satan feeds on fear.

If I avoid abuses-which are rampant except in a few places -in church, I cannot minister to the church, and I become bound to my security rather than to God – if the whole church falls apart – I will not be standing at the foot of the cross because I too will have run away until there are no more places to run to.  If I want to be standing I must be secure in God even when everything falls apart.  I must have PENTECOSTAL COURAGE, which God wants to pour on us.  It’s about being the living sanctuary, so when the sand gets blown away – you’re actually standing on rock.

Maybe God wants to flourish me with gifts that he gave me smack in the middle of abuse – why? BECAUSE IT IS SO NEEDED THERE.  And when sin abounds, grace abounds all the more.  This is the place where the miraculous happens.  Read the book of Acts, the beginnings of the church.  The foundation of what they had all been standing on WAS BLOWN AWAY.  But they were left on a rock, and sent the Advocate and the gifts they were given were plentiful, and grace abounded all the more.  They performed the miraculous all the while having stepped out of their comfort zone and into the deep with the Anointing Fire inside their souls.

Ask God WHO YOU ARE.  Listen intently because He is trying to make a living sanctuary of you and me so that we are rock solid in the storm.

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Lighthouse of the Divine Will



I will go before thee, and make the crooked places straight  Isaiah 45:2



Today I was in the lake on a paddle board. As I stood up, it took me a minute to figure out my balance, then I began paddling. As I switched the oar from side to side to paddle straight away, I began to hear God speaking in my heart.  Here is what I heard Him saying;

This board represents the ship I am guiding, which is the church, the body of Christ.  You are a part of this body on your own journey, both individually and with the ship as a whole.  All these things are on the same path whose destination is towards the lighthouse of my Divine Will, where you can safely harbor. They reflect one another in a mystical way because they also reflect me. On this journey I require your cooperation.  When you listen to me and to what your soul needs, I direct the movement. Likewise for the church as a whole, the Spirit guides the movement. When you paddle on the right side you are directed forward and slightly to left. When you paddle on the left side you are directed forward and slightly to the right. You begin to realize that no rowing motion of your own moves you in a straight line. You are either going slightly left or slightly right, but still you move forward. This is because in your limited humanity, I realize what you need and work with you to make straight the path.  Some days you need more mercy, paddling left more often to keep straight, while other times you may need to be reminded that I am also justice, paddling right more often to keep straight. Through it all it is a delicate dance of give and take, left and right, tough and easy, mercy and justice, your human will working in cooperation with the Divine. It is I that keeps you moving straight while you paddle to the left and right and when you truly seek me in your hearts, and as the Spirit guides, I keep you always moving forward toward the lighthouse, the ultimate destination.

All the while on this journey, the current is moving in its own direction. The current represents the culture. If you stop paddling, that is, you stop listening to me, the current will carry you away in an unknown direction that does not seek safe harbor. If you do not cooperate with me, you will eventually end up on the bank where trash and broken tree limbs entangle you and rocks can destroy. This is a life without prayer and sacraments.  A life where you aren’t actively listening and seeking guidance from me. The current that seeks to steal, kill and destroy will swiftly lead you astray. It is why I ask for you to cooperate and listen to me, so you don’t get carried away by the culture. You must pay attention and stay awake because the current is always trying to carry you in an unknown direction and it never ceases in its efforts. Some days the current is rougher than others, but it’s never completely still. Always keep the current in mind when paddling along your journey, but never let it make you quit or carry you away.

Lastly, there will be times when the current is so strong that you will keep paddling to counteract its strength of carrying you in the wrong direction, but it doesn’t work, no matter how hard you try, the current is too much for you to take on. In these times you must make a drastic move to get yourself back on track. You must row backwards. And with a few swift rows, you are brought to an abrupt halt, and you are quickly turned back in the right direction. This is necessary from time to time; to stop abruptly or take a step back in order to redirect yourself.  You must not be afraid to do this, to let go of control and trust in me. When you do not do this, the full force of the current comes at you, and the destruction it can wreak is like a hurricane, because you have ventured on on your own. Some who find themselves in this storm are tempted to jump from the ship in order to save themselves, but you must always remember, I will never let the ship sink because the ship belongs to me. Remain on it. If you jump off of the ship, surely you have removed yourself from me. If you keep your eyes on the Lighthouse, you can have peace, even if the ship seems out of control.  Put your trust there in the Lighthouse of the Divine Will that is unchanging and doesn’t move because it is built on solid ground where the current cannot take it away. Trust always completely in me.

Jesus wants nothing more from us than our hearts to be turned toward Him. When we seek Him in all things we will find the road to our salvation


Psalm 27

Triumphant Song of Confidence Of David.

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?  When evildoers assail me to devour my flesh—my adversaries and foes— they shall stumble and fall.  Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident.  One thing I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple.   For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will set me high on a rock.  Now my head is lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord.  Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud, be gracious to me and answer me!  “Come,” my heart says, “seek his face!” Your face, Lord, do I seek.  Do not hide your face from me. Do not turn your servant away in anger, you who have been my help. Do not cast me off, do not forsake me, O God of my salvation!  If my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up.  Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies.  Do not give me up to the will of my adversaries, for false witnesses have risen against me, and they are breathing out violence.  I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!


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The Kingdom of God is at Hand

Fr Terry saying Mass

 and saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel. Mark 1:15

I had a question asked of me in the comments of my last post.  The essence of the question was about the confusion swirling all around us.  The question was about what we should do.  I want to take a minute here to reflect on a Gospel passage.

Then he made his disciples get into the boat and precede him to the other side toward Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. And when he had taken leave of them, he went off to the mountain to pray. When it was evening, the boat was far out on the sea and he was alone on shore. Then he saw that they were tossed about while rowing, for the wind was against them. About the fourth watch of the night, he came toward them walking on the sea.  He meant to pass by them. But when they saw him walking on the sea, they thought it was a ghost and cried out. They had all seen him and were terrified. But at once he spoke with them, “Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid!”  He got into the boat with them and the wind died down. They were [completely] astounded.  They had not understood the incident of the loaves. On the contrary, their hearts were hardened. Mark 6:45-52

This is the version in Mark’s Gospel of Jesus walking on water.  There’s an odd line in it.  He meant to pass by them.  The passage concludes with Jesus telling them “it is I” and then it explains they had not understood the incident of the loaves and their hearts were hardened.

These men had God in their midst.  Jesus, the healer, the miracle worker, the storm calmer.  But they did not fully recognize him.  They continually looked for worldly solutions for everything they came across.  In the prior passage we see the multiplication of the loaves and fishes.  In the passage the disciples want to send the people away to eat, but Jesus tells them to feed the people themselves, and then they start talking about wages.  They still don’t know who he is.  And so HE MEANT TO PASS BY THEM.  Love was standing right in front of them, but fear and distraction took their eyes off of Him.  He exclaims, “it is I,” as if to say, I AM love and I AM right here.  Don’t you know I will provide?

Jesus is telling us don’t be distracted or fearful because of worldly things.  This is where we must surrender and trust so that Love does not pass us by.  I am going to tell a story now that may seem off track, but I promise I will bring it back around.

I want to open up a bit, more so than I probably have before about a personal struggle I went through.  Though I have told it before, I am going to add details that I didn’t before.  I am telling this story because I actually believe it wholeheartedly pertains to what is happening to us as a society, and what will happen in the future to each of us with even greater intensity.

In 2002 I had a baby.  A beautiful baby boy.  It should have been the most joyous occasion of my life, but it wasn’t.  Not through any fault of his, so if he ever reads this I do not want him to ever feel he did anything wrong.  He is a gift from God.  But I had severe post -partum depression and anxiety.  Back then I thought it was purely a physical response to a drop in estrogen.  Today I recognize it as a spiritual attack.  An attack on the very essence of my motherhood.

I don’t think I can fully describe the types of thoughts that were flung at me during that time period, except to say they were awful, and demonic.  I was afraid I would go crazy and harm my child.  I couldn’t be in high places with the baby or anywhere near knives.  If I were near these things the thoughts assaulted my mind and I couldn’t stop them.  I couldn’t control them.  They were constant.  I knew they were wrong, and disordered, and scary.  I reached out to my family and my doctor for help and all of them helped me, but the thoughts were constant.  I didn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.  I decided that the world would be better off without me.

I was sitting in the bath tub and I was being barraged with the awful thoughts and I honestly knew the thoughts weren’t mine because they were so vile, but I didn’t realize where they were coming from and I couldn’t stop them, so I thought, I will just put my head under this water and never come up, and that will stop the thoughts.  In that moment I got a very clear picture of my sister’s face.  And I had the thought that she would be sad.  So I paused.  I looked to my left and a Rosary was sitting on the bath tub ledge.  I hadn’t prayed the Rosary in a long time and I am not even really sure how it got there.  But God had left me a weapon.  A weapon to fight the demonic attack.  And he had showed me a face, a holy face that reflected His love, my sisters face.  Where one voice assaulted my mind and convinced me to despair, another breathed life and love into me, and so began my long spiritual journey…

It was from that point on I began to climb out of the pit.  Within a year I was back to functioning.  My faith life was a roller coaster, and it would be another 7 years before the murder of Veronica that really changed how I interacted with God and how to recognize what was happening spiritually.

In looking back, I can say that was the starting point of my path to a spiritual world view.   And it was along this path that I discovered mercy and forgiveness can halt the assault on our minds.   Confession is healing.  Forgiving others is totally freeing.  The Eucharist is God in us.  We are called to love.  And love cannot be separated from truth.  I hadn’t believed that I was the loved child of a King.  But Jesus showed me I was.  And so is each one of you.

So in these times now when I feel confused or filled with rage, I know the thoughts are  caused by our enemy. I always start with the premise, when I am confused, angry, rage filled, etc, of– what exactly am I called to do? I start here because this is a way to drown out the noise and confusion.  So, I look at what is in my circle of authority, what I am called to do, what I can control.  I am called to love and pray for people. So my own interior intention for  myself and for anyone else is that they flourish and are blessed, the way that God blesses me. I do not know the intention in other people’s hearts.  And I should not assume I do know. I should never will the demise of anyone else like we see happening so much, especially in politics.   I don’t get to judge the interior heart of another person. Christ does. You see, at the end of the day when all of this turmoil is swirling around us, and confusion is bred everywhere, I actually close my eyes, I sometimes put ear plugs in too, I drown out the world purposefully, to hear the still small voice. This is the voice that calls me to love. It is the voice that says, even in the blindness, I will be the light that guides. I must love the person right in front of me. When I see poison arrows from all sides, I want no part of it. I am not talking about discussing facts and truth, I am talking about ad hominem attacks and wishing willful destruction on someone else. God tells me He has a larger plan, and he often says, “look up” to me when I seem to be looking down. By that I mean God wants me to see the goodness in people and in his creation. He wants me to see how the devil has trained people to think and to put my hatred there on the devil and not on the people. He also points out evil to me and tells me when to stand in front of it. But I am careful to listen and ask Him first because if you fight that which is outside your circle of authority, you will find yourself beaten down. I think when this storm is over, we will all have had the ground come out from under us. We will realize how we all had a false perception of at least some things, and God will reveal the truth. I think about how we are standing on SAND. Think about it, the virtual worlds we have created and that are driving our economic systems and commerce, are fake. Real relationship is missing. My prayer is that all of us turn towards God when he allows the SAND to get blown away, and we aren’t so invested in our own in our perception that we walk away from God like Judas did.

The assault that is happening to us is an all out assault of the demonic on our minds.  Satan is using our need for worldly security and our emotions in a way that has led us into this time where good is called evil and evil is called good.  This is actually the storm we are in.  While it is a global storm for sure, it is also an interior storm of thoughts and ideologies that are flung at our minds.  And we are sitting in a boat in this storm, and the Kingdom of God is at hand teaching us how to love, but He just may pass us by if we don’t recognize Him.  The Kingdom of God is a call to love.  TAKE CAPTIVE EVERY THOUGHT. Be merciful because mercy is a conduit to love.  This is Christ in us.  The indwelling of the Holy Spirit extending love and mercy to our fellow man.  It is an interior battle.  Put on the Armor of God and be battle ready.  Because love is the only way to navigate this storm and Jesus and his Mother show us how to stop the storm and crush the serpent.

….I want you to be wise as to what is good, and simple as to what is evil; then the God of peace will quickly crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. Romans 16:19-20



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A Great Time to be Alive

Fr D with Mary


So Peter and the other disciple went out and came to the tomb.  They both ran, but the other disciple ran faster than Peter and arrived at the tomb first; he bent down and saw the burial cloths there, but did not go in. When Simon Peter arrived after him, he went into the tomb and saw the burial cloths there, and the cloth that had covered his head, not with the burial cloths but rolled up in a separate place.  Then the other disciple also went in, the one who had arrived at the tomb first, and he saw and believed. John 20:3-8

After my morning prayers this morning, I was browsing the news and I came across this article.

I have to say, I found myself extremely distressed.  I felt like I was staring down hurricane force winds, with no relief in sight.  Feeling overwhelmed, I actually decided to crawl back in bed, as I have the day off today.  I said, “Lord Jesus, give me rest.”  But sleep was not to be, as he began pouring over me, though in it, He did give me rest.  As you all know I record what pops in my head as a from God.  If the church came out today and said all I have written is wrong, the church is correct and I am wrong.  I always want to be clear about that so you can discern what I write.  Here is what I felt the Lord say to me today;

Beloved Lily of the Father,

That they may be one as you and I are one. 

I have revealed to you that this storm is over sexual morality and authority.  The devil is devouring.

Obedience is tantamount.  Obedience to my law and obedience to the authority of the church, BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME.

You ask me, what do you do when the authority appears disobedient to my law?

Remember MY PASSION. 

Things are not always what they seem.

The beloved REST IN MY WILL.

John did not run away from the garden out of fear, I revealed this to your friend.  He ran and got My Mother, the one through whom MY GRACE FLOWS.  She is Mediatrix of All Graces.

He brought her to MY PASSION and walked the SORROWS WITH HER.


In the garden, Peter still thought like the world did.  He had not recognized MY WAY, TRUTH and LIFE.    I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE.  He still thought like the world did, cutting off the ear of the soldier, and then in fear, denying me.

But Peter repented before my death.

He wept bitterly.

So too will the Church.

Notice that on the day of Resurrection Mary Magdalene goes to tell Peter of the empty tomb.

John and Peter come running.  John stops outside the tomb when he sees my linens and he bends down.  He waits for Peter.

Peter enters the empty tomb first.  This is because John recognizes Peter’s authority and that Peter is who I chose to lead my church after my Resurrection. 

I AM the one who gives all Authority.

I AM teaching you to see through the eyes of God.




It is a great time to be alive and see the magnanimity of WHO I AM.

You will be blind.  BUT TRUST because I AM teaching you to see differently.

I AM raising great SAINTS. 

Behold, My will shall be one with yours, you shall walk in Mercy.

Pray for the Pope.

Pray for the Bishops.

Pray for the Priests and Deacons.

Pray for the Church.

Testify to what I have told you.


  • Your Divine Spouse


An update, an excellent article by Jimmy Akin addresses the open letter.  You can read it here.

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When Mary Visits

I want to repost this today as a reminder, Consecrate yourselves to the Blessed Virgin Mary. It is imperative in these days to do so, for it is under her mantle we find Protection. The 33 days to morning glory by Father Michael Gaitley, or the 33 Days by Saint Louis de Monfort are the ones I recommend.

Veil of Veronica


Feast of the Visitation

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior
for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
the Almighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his Name.

He has mercy on those who fear him
in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm,
he has scattered the proud in their conceit.

He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.

He has come to the help of his servant Israel
for he remembered his promise of mercy,
the promise he made to our fathers,
to Abraham and his children forever. 

Luke 1:46-55

I was at Mass today on the Feast of…

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Susan Skinner’s talk on Divine Mercy



“Pay attention to what the Priest does.  When he processes into the church, Christ is going to pray in the Garden of Olives, and He is sweating bloody sweat.  When the Priest opens the celebration of the Holy Mass, the Lord Jesus is praying. Now the Priest kisses the altar: that’s when Judas kisses the Lord and delivers Him into the hands of the Jews.  The Priest approaches the side of the altar – they are leading Christ to Annas. When he intones the Kyrie eleison – they are slapping His Him and spitting in His face; they lead Him to Caiaphas, and next to Pontius Pilate.  When the Priest washes his hands, Pilate is washing his hands. When the Priest uncovers the chalice on the altar, Pilate is having Jesus disrobed; when the Priest stands still, they are flogging Him. The Priest covers the chalice, and they are placing the crown of thorns on His head.  When he raises the Host – Christ is being raised on the cross. When the Priest breaks the Host and drops it in the chalice – Jesus dies.” a young Faustina to her little sister Natalia (from the book: Faustina, the Mystic and her message by Ewa K. Czaczkowska)

Today at my parish thanks to the Nashville Padre Pio Prayer Group, we had a display of first class relics.  We had Saint Faustina, Saint Padre Pio, Saint Anthony, Saint Michael (rocks from Cave of Saint Michael), and Blessed Seelos.  It was a beautiful day of prayer.  I gave a talk on Divine Mercy.

You can listen to my talk here.

Here are pictures of the day;

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France and the Womb of Mercy

Notre Dame Fire

But if ever you and your descendants turn from following me, fail to keep my commandments and statutes which I set before you, and proceed to serve other gods and bow down to them, will cut off Israel from the land I gave them and repudiate the house I have consecrated for my name. Israel shall become a proverb and a byword among all nations, and this house shall become a heap of ruins. Every passerby shall gasp in horror and ask, “Why has the LORD done such things to this land and to this house?”And the answer will come:“Because they abandoned the LORD, their God, who brought their ancestors out of the land of Egypt, and they embraced other gods, bowing down to them and serving them. That is why the LORD has brought upon them all this evil.”1 Kings 9:6-9

Like many of you out there I was horrified in watching the fire at Notre Dame in Paris yesterday.  The seat of European Catholicism in flames.  And I know the literal fires of earth always translate spiritually as well, so I took it to prayer in front of the Blessed Sacrament.  As you already know, I write what pops in my head as letters from God or the Blessed Mother.  I offer all obedience to Holy Mother Church in all my writings so know that as you discern what I have written.

Beloved Child,
In these times of tribulation, cling to My Son.  The roof and spire of Notre Dame has collapsed as I have removed my mantle of Protection from my beloved daughter France who has become lost because of the corporate sin of the nation.  They have forgotten from whom all authority comes.  But the sanctuary remains, like a womb of mercy for those individual souls who will become living sanctuaries like the soul and body of my daughter Bernadette who listened in obedience despite persecution.  The blood of the martyrs will cry out to cleanse the nation.  Penance and Reparation are the path now for the remnant to cooperate with My Son in healing the Mystical Body.  
My daughter Poland rises up.  
Pray for Kazakhstan.
Pray for America.
The permanant sign will soon be left and all will know the glory of God.
You are walking my path of sorrows.
I am the lighthouse to bring you to My Son.  I protect in my mantle those who ask.
My earthly spouse, Saint Joseph, calls on the men to rise up in their role of authority God gave them to work for peace.  Just as he cared for me and the Divine Child, so he cares for you.  An anchor in these times.  
Rise up.  Rise up in Love.  Love is the only way.
– The Immaculate Conception
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