Focus on the Who and the Why

I will make a covenant for them on that day,
with the wild animals,
With the birds of the air,
and with the things that crawl on the ground.
Bow and sword and warfare
I will destroy from the land,
and I will give them rest in safety. Hosea 2:20

As I have stated before I write in my journal what pops in my head as if God is speaking to me. If the church came out and said what I have written is wrong, then the church is correct and I am wrong. Know that as you discern what I wrote. I have no commentary on this as I just want to relay what I feel was spoken to me.

Beloved Lily of the Father,

The wages of sin is death.  All of creation is affected by it.  From the beginning, free will’s choice echos throughout creation. 

Choose purity.  Repent and repair.

Sin makes creation a mere mimicry of what I intended. Everything a fraction of what it could be. A facade that comes crashing down when the human heart makes a god of itself by listening to the evil one.  The result is a synthetic mirror of reality.  Synthetic hormones and engineered plants, trying as you may to create what only the creator can make good and beautiful.  Cooperation with I AM brings genuine flourishing and union.

When man chooses sin – dark energy and dark matter expands, speeding up velocity of time.  A cosmic acceleration.  A war between dark matter and dark energy of destruction, and the gravity of union.  One expanding the universe in love and the other expanding destruction like a collapsing black hole.  Love in the human heart expands and unites galaxies.

I AM bigger than you can possibly comprehend.  You are connected in a way you do not understand or see.

My Will is love.

My Will is communion.

You ask yourselves how? and what?,  but the question should be who? and why? 

You sought the tree of knowledge.

Did you not know that if you sought the tree of life I would provide knowledge?  Knowledge of GOOD, Knowledge of purity.  It was always yours.

The answer lies inside the human heart.  I came to show you who I AM.

Your purpose is to glorify who I AM which glorifies you.  That’s why you were created.

You were created for me, LOVE, that’s the Who you were created for.

The violation of the first commandment hands your domain, all of it, to the evil one, who destroys what is good.  It’s a choice.

The time has come when there will be no celebration.  Your land will be taken. 

You will be stripped naked.

I will illuminate the depths of your souls because if I left you to your own accord you would decay like a rotting corpse.  It is not so with me.

This is the miracle of Divine Mercy.

It illuminates the dark so you can see.

Those who deny my mercy will cry out in vain.  Those who accept it will walk in the Divine Will.

Fire will fall from the skies.

You live in a world of fake mimicry.  The time has come to exchange the plastic string of pearls for the genuine pearls.

If you knew how far your sin permeated you would do everything you could to stop.  When you cooperate my power is made perfect in your weakness.  Purity spreads.

Dense darkness is accelerating and clouds the mind.

But repentance and confession allows me to pour into your soul.

I endured this darkness in the Garden, you share in my suffering.

Pray for My Will on earth as it is in heaven.

Everything is connected.

It begins in my Sacred Heart which illuminates your heart and extends Divine Mercy.  Mercy accepted will bring you, the beloved, into union with the Divine Will.  Resting and beating with the hearts of the Holy Family.  Sacred.  Immaculate. Guardian.  Beloved.

Peace I leave with you.

You will be amazed.

Be not afraid.

Hosea 2

Your Divine Spouse

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Short Meditation on the Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple

And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” But they did not understand what he said to them. He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart. Luke 2:49-51

If you were to pray the Rosary on a Saturday or Monday (which is a good idea) you would meditate on the joyful mysteries. The 5th joyful mystery is the Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple.

It is one of the joys and sorrows of Mary’s heart. The sorrow of losing him and joy of finding him – and it is a prelude to the Passion and Resurrection.

The search of every human heart is the search for God. If we know our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit then the Finding of the Child Jesus in the temple takes on several new meanings.

Mary and Joseph’s action represents the human heart searching for God and the finding of Him in the temple shows us that we as temples of the Holy Spirit are the Father’s house. Or at least we should be.

It’s interesting too that this takes place while Jesus is still a child. The Divine Child brings innocence back to us. We receive the blessings of the Father when we become like little children, it’s stated over and over that the Kingdom of God belongs to the little ones. It is in innocence and purity that we become the temple – the Father’s house.

The symbolic nature of 3 days of searching (of which I have no doubt it actually happened too) is representative of the Trinity and dying to self so that the Trinity can dwell within you in thought, word and action. When you truly are a temple it permeates from inside of you outward and the Kingdom of God becomes apparent with the many rooms of the Fathers house seen in each and every one of us.

The scripture says his parents didn’t understand what he was saying so Mary pondered all of these things in her heart. Mary is the very essence of God’s temple herself because the Christ Child literally had dwelt within her. In this instance too she took what Jesus was telling her to the place where God could reveal to her the understanding of who she was and how it was she who crushes the head of the serpent. “I will put enmity between the woman and her offspring…she will crush your head...” Genesis tells us. And we too are told in Romans that “the God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.” Mary’s cooperation in the plan of God brings Victory against sin for all of us and we can all crush the serpent – as Christ claims the Victory for those he dwells within.

May the Kingdom of God dwell within the Temple of your body and soul.

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Beasts of Judgment, Fear and False Expectation

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I don’t know about you all, but of late it seems to me we are being hammered on all sides with judgement and fear. And in the midst of all of this, I see a large beast, it is the beast of false expectations. Let me see if I can explain what I mean by telling you the story of the storm I am in personally. I will not go into great detail, not because I have anything to hide, but more out of respect for my family.

Obviously for all of us COVID has been something that has really thrown us for a loop. In a society that would normally welcome a warm hug and a friendly smile, now we cower from one another like lepers in a crowded town. Ring your bell to let them know you are coming and watch community run away. We really aren’t all that different from the biblical days. We think we are advanced in science and we forget who is Lord over all of it, including science. Jesus wasn’t afraid of the leper, He was God and He healed them. We need Jesus so desperately right now, but we turn everywhere but towards him; judging our fellow man along the way. He can heal this.

During this time period my extended family lost a family member to COVID-19. We lost a family member to suicide, of which I am sure COVID-19 isolation and economic hardship was a part. I am also in charge of caring for my elderly parents whose health complications are completely overwhelming. I feel as though I can actually understand every side of every issue.

On a daily basis I felt as if the choices I have had to make are choices between two dire circumstances. Do I help mom and dad? If I don’t they could die. If I do, do I risk exposing them to a virus where they could die? I often found myself in a place of non-decision. Paralyzed by the possibilities. I had to come up with a way to make a decision. And I knew my decisions must be brought to God first.

I decided to start with what my desire was. So for example, I desire to see my parents. I ask myself if my desire aligns with God’s will. How can I know God’s will? I ask Him and I find answers in Scripture. He desires that we have life and have it abundantly. From there I made my decision and asked him to bless it. I trusted that He would.

But there was another issue plaguing me too. It was the idea in my head of what a “good daughter” would be. When my parents health issues became so overwhelming that I couldn’t keep up, I had to ask for help. This made me feel guilt and shame. And dealing with all of it through pandemic and protests and division and rioting a looting, the weight of the world suddenly seemed back on my shoulders. All the while I would turn to Catholic sites or forums for reprieve only to see bickering and fighting over mask wearing and protests with judgment and accusation flying everywhere. The devil is having a field day. Each side wanting to be “right” at all costs. When I commented to stop judging one another I had someone lie to me about their situation just to prove their side. This only served to remind me that no matter what side you fall on in your discernments, it is SIN that needs to be purged. If your ideology causes you to lie to be right then there is a major problem going on. But we all already know that because we can see the fruits.

Yesterday I turned everything off and went and sat on my porch as storm clouds rolled in. As before the Lord asked me to pay attention. Yesterday’s storm was weird, it would pour buckets and lightening and then it would stop, only to start back again a few minutes later. Brief reprieves happening. Kind of like life right now.

I prayed a Rosary and a Chaplet of Mercy, and from the bottom of my heart and soul I just said, I consecrate myself to the Trinity and the Holy Family and I surrender. At that moment a force came upon me and through me that I cannot explain. All I can say is that I knew all would be well. God’s peace surrounded me and he began to speak to me about False Expectations. This is something Jansen has talked to me about before and I have written about before, but the understanding of how far and how deep false expectations are became very apparent to me.

The Lord began to show me my own false expectation of what a “perfect daughter” should be. And how when a false bar is set the only place to go from there is into anxiety and despair. The false bar is flung at us by Satan. He takes what you know to be good and twists it to make you try to achieve the impossible, and when you fail it sets you up for a downward spiral. Satan’s bar is ugly. God’s bar is beautiful, confident and full of life.

The Lord began then to show me how each of the Apostles had false expectations. They all had an idea in their head of how things would play out, and when it didn’t go their way, they fell apart. From betrayal, to denial, to cutting of ears, to running away, to suicide. Many recovered from their false expectation of God through repentance and they were healed. We have to always hope in God’s mercy.

But there was one Apostle who didn’t fall prey to this false expectation, John, the beloved. And I asked the Lord what was the difference? Before I go into what the Lord spoke to me I feel I must state that it is important to understand, God did not love John more than he loved the others. He loved them all. John’s response to God’s love was just different. But we must never fall into the trap of comparison or beating ourselves up or not forgiving ourselves if we make mistakes, if we sin. If we go to confession the Lord forgives us, who are we to not forgive ourselves too? God loves you exactly where you are right now and there is nothing you can do to make Him stop loving you.

We know in the Gospel accounts that John too ran away, but he didn’t run and hide, Mystics have told us he ran to get Mary. John totally embraced Jesus’ Mother, in whom he saw the perfection of God in a mere human being. John had no other expectation of God, except to love like Jesus and Mary. That’s why he could stand at the cross. He had let go of what he expected God to do and just trusted. We would all to well to embrace Mary our Mother and consecrate ourselves to her if we haven’t already. Those who survive this storm will be Marian, without her you will be led astray.

Right now we live in a world where we are expecting so many things of others and of God. We are not trusting God and we are trying to control other people, which makes us hateful instead of loving. We judge them and we expect things to change without ever expecting we need to purge our own self of sin.

How do you treat other people both online and in person who have a different view from you? It doesn’t mean acceptance of evil, but we are making judgements on the interior of another as evil even when we can’t possibly know their interior. Someone told me it wasn’t Christian to not wear a mask and non mask wearers want to kill people. REALLY? Do you really believe that? Someone else told me people who wear masks want to destroy freedom. REALLY? Do you really believe that? Is it possible you could be right in your assumption? Yes, it is, but how do you really know? And how are you treating people based on your assumption? Did the woman caught in adultery commit sin? Yes. Did Jesus throw a stone at her? No. But He did tell her to go and sin no more – and here again we see the key to everything. It’s about purifying yourself of sin. It is a false expectation to think that the world will get better if you don’t do this.

Will you love the person in the mask? Will you love the person not in the mask? The choice is up to you.

Jesus didn’t force people to do things. He always let people chose of their own free will. It isn’t love if you don’t choose it. The devil wants to back you into a corner where you are trapped. God wants to set you free.

One last thing I wanted to speak about in regards to this has to do with prophecy. We all can see the prophecies of the last century and from church history playing out in real time. It is fine to read a listen to prophecy and to be a watchman and pay attention. But do not fall into the trap of thinking that you know what is going to happen or how it is going to happen. This would be the quintessential false expectation. We are not gnostics. We do not have secret knowledge. We do not know God’s ways. If you think you know, you will be shown how much you don’t know. Humility is a greatly needed virtue. What we do have in the Catholic Church is truth and the path to union with the will of God. Follow that and all will be well.

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That time Jesus Overturned the Tables

The LORD is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger and abounding in mercy.Psalm 145:8

I have seen several people recently when speaking about the injustices happening justify violence and point to Jesus overturning the tables in the temple as a comparison.

I would like to point out a few things. First and foremost, Jesus is God. He can read souls. He actually knows the intention inside of a persons heart. We do not, unless we are like Padre Pio and God has given us this gift. We can think we know someone’s intentions and judge them based on what we think, however we could be wrong and when we die we will be judged based on how we judged. This is a dangerous area for many of us these days. To think we have some secret knowledge about the interior of someone else. Knowledge they perhaps themselves don’t know. I watched an excellent video that explained this concept. But don’t be fooled you will be judged for what you are assuming about other people and how you act based on that.

Second, and this is probably the more important part, people often think the grievous crime Jesus was upset about was greed and not caring for the poor. Though greed and not caring for the poor are sins and Jesus wouldn’t have approved of it, we do not see him going off on every greedy person. He, in fact, called Matthew to be an Apostle and ate with Zacchaeus, who for all intents and purposes extorted the poor. So what was different here? They were doing this in the house of prayer; the place for worship. Jesus’ wrath is about the violation of the first commandment. Jesus’ wrath is about the idolatry of self, of power, instead of worship of God. Keeping people from prayer and worship. This is what invokes Jesus’ wrath. The Temple belongs to Him. This is where we see his anger.

So this begs the question, we find ourselves now, if you are paying attention, in a place where many think God’s wrath has come upon us for all of our sin. So what should we be doing to quell this? You guessed it, honoring the first commandment.

I am the Lord your God… you shall have no other God’s before me. Exodus 20:1,3

We have many idols, including our causes. Your cause could be Godly but if you put it above God alone it becomes an idol. And more importantly if your cause makes you sin then it isn’t Godly.

My heart is grieved to see our church making worship optional. I am seeing many families who were regular church goers not partake in any kind of Sunday worship since the COVID outbreak, because they have been excused from it. Excused from what God commanded. Excused from the one thing that could actually stop this mess we are in. And yet, many leaders have encouraged protesting, while keeping their churches closed. It’s exactly backwards. Protesting isn’t wrong, but choosing that above worship, that is wrong. And the fact of the matter is, if we really loved and worshipped God we would not need to protest because loving and worshipping God compels us to change, to purge sin, and to love one another. But alas, we will just delve deeper and deeper into chaos and lawlessness. We should be prostrate on the ground in worship in front of the Eucharist.

But let us not lose hope. God is love. God is mercy. So even in this chaos, He is looking to purify and save your soul. That is a promise. He didn’t just drive out the money changers from the temple that day, he would have also driven out the animals they were selling. This is because they would no longer be the sacrifice. He was the sacrifice. Even in His anger, he loves.

He is loving us right here and right now. He knows our fear. He knows our own anger. He is trying to teach us to look through His eyes and to love in the middle of it all. Be the light. Continue to worship the Lord.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1

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The Healing of the Priesthood – through Saint John the Apostle

When Jesus saw His mother and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Woman, here is your son.” John 19:26

This year for my Saint of the year I had chosen John the Apostle. I have studied the Gospel of John at the Avila Institute and I learned so much about this Beloved Apostle.

Throughout the year I have been pointed in prayer to the Apparition at Knock Ireland in 1879. This apparition was unusual as it not only had Mary and Joseph, but also John the Apostle and the Lamb on the altar.

Apparition at Knock

I have pondered this a lot lately. Today while I was at Mass I had a moment during the Liturgy of the Eucharist during the third elevation when the Priest says,

Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.

I realized the only one in the Knock Apparition who could proclaim those words was John. And it became apparent to me how much the Lord wants to heal the Priesthood which has been so broken by sin and the ways of the world. John is precisely the Apostle whose intercession the Priests need. Healing the Priesthood will help to heal families, and healing families will help heal the world.

This prayer was written in response to that need for healing in the Priesthood and it is a prayer meant for our Priests.

O Most Holy Saint John the Apostle, graciousness of the Father, you are the shining example of Priestly holiness.  Like Mary and Joseph you gave your yes to God without knowing His plan.  You rested in the Bosom of the Father, in union with His will before you ever knew of the Resurrection.  Beloved, you stood at the foot of the Cross where Jesus gave you His Mother, conferring upon you the Priestly authority over the Holy Family and forever binding it to all families. Even though your union with the will of God surpassed most others, you still deferred to the authority of Peter, whom God had chosen to lead you. Upon entering the tomb of the Resurrected Christ, you did not overstep your authority, but you were obedient to what God had designed by allowing Peter to enter first. Your consecrated hands continued to make Christ present to the world through the Holy Eucharist, bringing Jesus to all people, including the domestic church, so that they may become living sanctuaries of the Triune God. Your Priesthood was infused with Divine unity, as you are protector and keeper of the Eucharist, just as Mary and Joseph were to the Divine Child.  It is through you O Most Holy Saint John that we see the revelation of God’s plan and all that the Priesthood is meant to be.  We ask for your intercession for our Priests.  Heal and strengthen the priesthood, the bridge between heaven and earth, ushering in God’s Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.  Reveal to each and every Priest their essential role as head of the family of God’s people.  May each and every Priest stand in their authority that is God given and has the power to heal the laity by proclaiming the words “Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world”.   We ask this in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.  

My friend Ashley Blackburn had this to say about the role of Saint John;

All authority comes from God who was made flesh in Jesus Christ. Before His passion, Jesus handed on this authority to the Apostles, who have handed it on to the next generation, and so on and so forth up until the present age of Catholic priests. This Apostolic authority of God was given for the priesthood, to be used to bring about the Kingdom of God on this earth through the power of the Grace of Christ. A holy priest is one who stands fully and confidently in this authority, thereby participating in the saving power of God. Having received the same Apostolic ordination that the first Apostles received from Jesus Christ Himself, priests who rise up and are grounded in this authority will have the power and the presence to heal families in so many ways. The priest who embraces his priesthood and who is unafraid to preach, to lead, to admonish, and to reconcile the laity back to God is a powerful witness.  Just like the duty of a father of the domestic church, the priestly fatherhood is called to pour into the domestic churches, the families, that they are beloved sons and daughters of God who created them for a purpose and destiny, that they are safe under the wings of God and protected from the enemy, that they are loved to the core of their being and that they Lord is full of mercy and hope for all of mankind. A holy priest is a very powerful witness to the domestic church.

St John the Apostle was one of the 12 Apostles who were ordained by Jesus Christ Himself.  But St John had a mission unlike the other apostles because he was uniquely bound to the Holy Family through the act of Jesus from the cross where he gave his mother Mary to John and John to his mother Mary.  Although Mary was the only surviving member of the Holy Family, Jesus made sure that Mary was taken care of in both a physical and spiritual way.  Widows who did not have sons to take care of them, were often left to beg in the streets.  Mary needed the physical support of St. John to take her into his home and care for her.  But Mary also needed the spiritual support of St John, through his Apostolic priesthood that was handed on to him by her Son, Jesus Christ.  Because of St. John, Mary had intimate access to her Son, through the Eucharistic Sacrament. St John, who ordained to the priesthood of Christ, was also given authority over the Holy Family.  So too the priests today are given that same authority over all of the domestic churches within their care. They are to be a source of Spiritual nourishment to the family.  They are to reconcile men and women back to God.  They are to enliven spirits and strengthen souls for the journey of life.  They are to stand firm in their authority and bring peace and truth to the domestic churches. 

May God make it so.

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3 Days of Darkness

I watched as the Lamb broke the sixth seal, and there was a great earthquake. The sun became as dark as black cloth, and the moon became as red as blood. Revelation 6:12

This is one of those posts that I hesitate to write. It is because as you all know, I am not a theologian, and I often feel as though I cannot express properly what I am shown in prayer. If the church were to come out and say what I have written in wrong, then the church is correct and I am wrong.

Over the past several years probably the most repeated phrase I hear in my prayer (other than Be not afraid) is “everything is connected.” I believe this phrase to be about how we, the Mystical Body of Christ, are connected. But recently it has seemed overwhelming and seemed to be so much more.

A group in our Diocese started doing a Consecration to Mary called, Mary’s Mantle. It has been a wonderful consecration and it is based on the 46 stars of the Constellations found on Mary’s Mantle.

I have pondered how Our Lady has appeared to people and how she is described in the bible. She appears cloaked in stars and riding on clouds. In Scripture she is the woman clothed in the sun with the moon at her feet and a crown of twelve stars.

We also know she is in union with the Trinity. All things relationship with God. Daughter of the Father, Spouse of the Spirit and Mother of the Son.

In pondering all of this and knowing that Our Lady is the guiding example for us I began to see how things throughout creation are connected. How everything is connected. And I began to see how sin affects not only our own soul, but the larger church and creation itself.

Before the fall Adam and Eve lived in union with the Will of God, after the fall sin disrupted the union as they chose their own will. Though they may have thought they still had dominion, in all actuality they handed it to Satan, and death and suffering entered the world.

The union with God wasn’t the only thing disrupted, but the union with everything God created was disrupted. This is because man is the gem of God’s creation, created in His own image and likeness. That image is one of love. What happens to creation when man turns from the will of God and chooses something other than true love?

We are told by the church that when we go to confession we not only are forgiven of our own sin, but we are reconciled with the church. What a truth this is. In recognizing too that Eden was the first temple adorned with gems, and facing east, we recognize that the Church herself is the center of the world because all of creation is actually a temple of God. When we sin, it permeates all of it, not just our own soul.

When the human heart gets so sick that it is black with mortal sin it pollutes all of creation. Collectively when more hearts are sick with sin and no one is trying to reconcile with the church and those in authority have turned from God our black hearts are inviting the demonic into all of creation expanding outward from within us. The demons job is to destroy. We tend to see this on a smaller scale as we can see sin permeate a neighborhood. We see it now on a more global level; but what I feel I have been shown is that it permeates all the way through the universe. It makes even our sun sick.

The sun has been a representation to me of God’s will. Though it is only a creation and is never to be worshipped, the sun is what gives our planet life. Jesus, the Son, is the Life. It is said that when Saint Rose of Lima received Our Lord in the Eucharist, she felt as if she were receiving the Sun, whose radiance poured out from her. The Sun gives life, as the Son gives life which must be chosen and accepted by us.

But what happens when we reject the Son, and we treat the Eucharist like we treated His Body on the Cross? His Body taking on all of our sin?

If the Bride of the church is being purified and entering into our own Passion, then creation itself will look like Christ on the Cross. All of creation, including the sun.

Mary appears in Revelation clothed in the Sun – clothed in God’s will. She is standing on the moon – reflecting God’s will. With a crown of twelve stars – crowned in God’s Glory. In Guadalupe she is wrapped in His glory. This is meant for all of us. She wants us wrapped in God’s Glory.

Our universe is totally affected by our sin. The sun itself is sick and causing issues because we largely have handed our domain to Satan and the demonic permeates like a black cloud of oppression. Taking it all the way to the Cross will bring 3 days of darkness. Our sin doing to creation the same thing it did to our creator.

But there’s a question that God asks us. When the Son of Man returns will he find any faith on earth? He can spare the destruction we have invited when he finds enough Golden Souls, purging of sin to change the environment to what He intended. We are in communion one way or another. Which direction will we go? All the Saints in heaven, all the souls in purgatory, all of the legion of angels, are at our disposal to help us purge sin, if only we ask.

We have a Father in heaven who loves us so immensely He wants to pour gifts down upon us. But we suffer a Father wound. Our Shepherds don’t know how to be protecting Fathers to us. Something God showed me here though is not to levy blame and poison arrows at our Priests because the demonic latches onto our words and carry’s them out. Instead we should be intensely in prayer for them calling on the resources God has given to us in His Mother and his Saints and angels. He wants to restore the Blessings of the Father upon us.

You may think this cannot be done, and that you cannot be purged of sin, but the Saints tell us otherwise. Saint Francis was so in union with the will of God it affected everything around him. He could kiss a leper without fear (and without a mask) because he was purging sin from His own soul and walked in the protection of a loving Father that he said yes to. A wolf could listen to a man whose heart beat in unison with God. He could write a prayer about Brother Sun and Sister Moon, not because he worshipped them, but because he recognized as one of the gems of God’s creation that his actions affected everything and when he was free of sin he lived in harmony with creation. If we truly want to be protected and to protect others we should confess frequently and be in a state of grace, it protects more than any human means can because it flows from the sanctifying grace of the Sacraments.

If you want to make the world better than it is, stop looking at all the horrible news and start looking inside your own heart. Go to confession often if you can and if you can’t make an Act of Contrition. You will begin to feel the joy of the Holy Spirit fill you up.

I sometimes feel as if God gives me a glimpse of what it could be, what it will be. A world filled with love not pride and envy, and the overflowing bounty of his creation, ordered to perfect me and to perfect you, the ones he calls by name and loves beyond measure.

Do not lose hope, surrender all of who you are to God and let him perfect you in Him because you will be amazed at His glory and how He can heal what we have broken.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

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Viruses, Racism, Rioting, Climate Change and What really Matters

Image of a Cross in Space – Hubble Space Telescope

Therefore, I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven people, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. Matthew 12:30-31

I was looking at the dire state of the world today and everything that is happening. And while speaking with the Lord it’s as if it became clear that everything we are experiencing is a symptom. It is a symptom of sin.

Viruses, racism, rioting and even the wrecking of the environment, they are all caused by sin. And our society is largely screaming at other people stating that these other people are the problem, but that is exactly backwards. The antibody of the COVID19 virus is called “Luciferase”. Lucifer isn’t even hiding any more. And while everyone I know condemns what happened to George Floyd as abject atrocity, the BLM website states, “We disrupt the Western – prescribed nuclear family structure by supporting each other as extended families and “villages” that collectively care for one another, especially our children, to the degree that mothers, parents and children are comfortable.” This ignores the command of God that “a man leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife.” In fact the site seems to ignore Father’s all together. George Floyd was a father of five children, does his Fatherhood matter to an organization that specifically states the degradation of patriarchy on their website? It’s exactly backwards. The blessings of the Black Father should be restored not torn down if you want healing. Black lives do matter. They matter to the Father in heaven and the Blessings of the Father are for all of us. While righteous anger is warranted in the face of injustice when it turns to rage and rioting and destruction of property it becomes a violation of the seventh commandment. Do we support that? When it comes to climate change advocates deny the goodness of human beings made in the image and likeness of God, and their solutions involve abortion, contraception, and the general depopulation of the planet. Again, the exact opposite of what the Lord commanded when he said, “be fruitful and multipy.”

While we should as Catholics stand up against injustice, it is the injustice of sin that afflicts us all. First, we need to know what sin is as defined by the church which is God’s representative on earth and then we should start purging sin from our own lives which enables us to bring true love to society.

In the words of G.K. Chesterton on what is wrong with the world he stated, “I am.

There is no humility, no mercy, no forgiveness, no love. We need to repent and believe in the Gospel. But that involves admitting where we are wrong.

I was pondering all these things when I heard the Lord speak to me. As always when I record what pops in my head from my journal it is for your discernment. If the church were to come out and say that what I have written is wrong, then the church is correct and I am wrong.

This is what I recorded yesterday, June 9, 2020 on the Feast of Saint Ephram;

Beloved Lily of the Father,

The climate is changing, but not in the way you think. It changes because of the blackening of the soul of man. It is sin that emanates the heat of destruction.


Sin is not something in a vacuum by itself. Its effects permeate all of creation.

When creation is properly ordered to the Father who is LOVE AND PROTECTION the breath of life permeates throughout everything.

The Son gives life, as the sun gives life. A beacon of light permeating creation.

When sin becomes all encompassing, like my body on the cross, everything becomes ugly and distorted.

Creation, the church, they are all connected.

In order to purify you must pass through the cross. The skies tell the story of the sin of mankind.

Nothing will work as it should. Silence will engulf your technology.

In this emptiness is surrender.

In surrender the Glory of God will fill you. Do not be afraid of the whirlwind.

In the immensity that engulfs you your souls will be purfied, you will be amazed at the miracles I AM.

Psalm 59


If the Holy Spirit is the action of God, the Love of God proceeding from the Father and the Son, then when mankind collectively turns away from God, then man, including creation, is blaspheming the Holy Spirit, the unforgiveable sin. The result of this brings mass destruction because it is a total rejection of the action of God.

It seems that biblically speaking, if more than just one man believes, then God spares.

In looking at the story of Noah, polygamy was rampant, which would mean fatherless children were running around as one man could not possibly protect and care for the many children of many wives, many if not most women would be left alone to care and protect the children. Both Noah and even Job had only one wife. Even in the story of Lot, we see the bargaining with God to save them, the sexual immorality of Sodom – but God still willing to spare even for a few; only he can’t find them.

Is this where we are? Do we reject Fatherhood? When the Son of Man returns will he find faith?

This is why I believe I see a map of Golden Souls in my prayer. This is why we need to be living Sanctuaries. If we believe all that the Holy Catholic Church teaches and professes, even the hard things, then the Holy Spirit ACTS in us, and we become the light in the darkness. Just a few souls acting in the Spirit can bring the Glory of God to this broken planet of ours.

We are attached to so many things other than God. I suspect in the days ahead we will all be tested. We will cry out to God. We must become detached from the world in order to purify it. Then and only then will the Kingdom of God reign on earth as it is in heaven.

In the end it is Jesus that matters and God alone who is good and can heal us.

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It’s all about the Eucharist


As they reached the threshing floor of Nodan, Uzzah stretched out his hand to the ark of God and steadied it, for the oxen were tipping it.  Then the LORD became angry with Uzzah; God struck him on that spot, and he died there in God’s presence.  David was angry because the LORD’s wrath had broken out against Uzzah. Therefore that place has been called Perez-uzzah even to this day.  David became frightened of the LORD that day, and he said, “How can the ark of the LORD come to me?” 2 Samuel 6:6-9


For several weeks now I have felt the Lord in prayer speaking to me about Uzzah being struck dead for touching the Ark of the Covenant.  This story was always hard for me to understand.  It just seemed so harsh.  But over the past few years, as I have felt God speak to me about the Mass, I began to have a larger understanding of what actually happened in this story.  Though I am no biblical scholar, and I am open to correction, I want to relay what I feel the Lord telling me in prayer.

Uzzah was the son of Abinadab.  The Ark had been in Abinadab’s house.  Uzzah would have been familiar with it.  David, for his part, would have known how to transport the Ark, it was to be carried by the Priests, the Levites.  Not just the Levites, but a specific family of Levites.  But when David decided to transport the Ark to Jerusalem, he didn’t follow the instructions God gave.  He put the Ark on a cart which Uzzah was driving.  When the oxen started to tumble Uzzah touched the Ark in order to keep it steady and God struck him dead.  Fear came over David.

It’s worth pondering the Gift of the Holy Spirit called “Fear of the Lord.”  It seems we don’t have any these days, and Uzzah, perhaps because of his familiarity with the Ark, had forgotten it too.  What I sense happening in this story is a systemic breakdown beginning with the breakdown of proper use of authority and ending with the one who fell under that authority, each having a role and responsibility.

David as the leader who disobeyed God in order to be faster, put the man in his charge in grave danger.  When our leaders make decisions that bypass God’s law in order to make things easier, it is the flock that suffers.  These things are usually years in the making, so by the time it gets to where we are in time the situation is dire.

Uzzah did something else here that is also worth pondering.  He tried to save God.  How many times do we try to become the savior when it is not our job to do?  It doesn’t mean we must be silent in an injustice, but it does mean speaking to God to discern when and how to act.  We can hope in the mercy of God for Uzzah that God knew his intention, but we can also understand that when God commands something, which is always for our good, we would do well to obey.   I tend to think that Uzzah’s death was a mercy, for if that had not taken place David would not have paused and perhaps would have strayed even further from God.  But we have such a misunderstanding of God’s goodness most of us are unable to see how this could be so.  Union with God is better than anything we can comprehend, and it is usually only in death that we have this union.  But everything in salvation history is a movement back towards this union.

If we think about the fact that the Ark of the Covenant did not actually contain God but His Spirit hovered over it, but the Eucharist does actually contain God, we should all take great pause at this story.  Over the years I have seen Eucharistic abuse reach new heights.  The authority has allowed it, and the people, in their familiarity, probably aren’t even aware of it even as they trample Christ.  God knows the intention of your heart.  My stating all of this is not meant as judgment but observation.

Now, at a time when Fear of the Lord and reverence should increase, what I see happening is the opposite.  The Eucharist placed in hands that are fumbling to get a mask off.  Particles of Jesus sticking to hand sanitizer.  Refusal of Priests and Bishops to distribute the Eucharist in a way prescribed by church law.  People who have Fear of the Lord and want to show reverence are called selfish. Instead of reordering ourselves back to the Lord and doing what He asked, we are trying to be our own savior.  This almost never turns out well if you read the bible.

What do we expect is going to happen?  I have no doubt, no doubt at all, that the intentions are good.  God knows it too.  But we must ask ourselves, will it strike us dead?  And if it does, are our hearts prepared to meet the Lord?  We have ignored for so long what the Lord has asked in so many ways.  Take time now to examine your conscience.  We cannot control others, nor should we desire to, for God does not try to control our free will.  But we can look at ourselves and offer our will to God.  We can ask God to help us do His will.

For my part I can only be as reverent as I know how.  I can only say I will not partake in abuse.  But like Uzzah, I cannot save God.  How He will choose to save us this time, only He knows.  I trust in Him.

As counties now dictate that the Eucharist cannot even be given out, and thus far, we really see no response from the Bishop, we can only get on our knees and pray.

It has always been about the Eucharist.  Satan wants to make you think the church is dead and Christ is gone from our midst.  But He isn’t.  He has been preparing us for such a time as this.  He has been making us living sanctuaries.  And the Gates of Hell shall not prevail.

Today’s Gospel states, “so that they may all be one, as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they may also be in us, that the world may believe that you sent me.  And I have given them the glory you gave me, so that they may be one, as we are one….” John 17:21-22.  We have been given God’s glory.  Do not be afraid.  Go forth and love with a love that is true.  We were made for these times.  Peace be with you.

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Welcome Home – Going Back to Mass

Dog beach

Photo by Bridget Touhey

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32


Welcome Home! That’s the phrase of the day today as Catholic Churches all over different Diocese’s open back up for Mass.  As I sat in my parish early this morning, I did indeed feel home.  This familiar parish is where my family and I have lived out our Catholic Faith and worshiped God for over 10 years. But this homecoming for me was not ideal and I imagine for most of us when we return to our first Mass, it will be the same.

In an ideal world, I imagine us all going back to Mass and it is a full house. The priests would be on fire with the Holy Spirit, the parishioners would be humble and open to receiving all that the Holy Spirit has in store for them.  Although emotionally spent from having spent the past 10 weeks with no Mass, no Eucharist, no liturgy, parishioners would be ready with a new heart to worship the Holy Trinity again in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and receive Jesus’ Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity into our souls and into our bodies. The liturgy would be full of praise, with a deep, deep longing for what we have been away from for so long.  Parishioners would enter into the sanctuary and immediately fall to our knees as they realize the real presence of Jesus Christ, in their midst, their bodies reacting to the soul’s recognition.  I imagined the mass having a very genuine and deeply reverent feel to it as all the souls present are groaning in unison in their yearning to be with Jesus again in the Eucharist.  One day I actually saw this Mass in prayer and as the priest lifted up the host at the consecration, the hearts of the faithful were inflamed with the fire of Christ’s LOVE for us, the love of the Sacrifice of the Cross.  There was light shooting out from every angle of the newly consecrated host as it was lifted up and we all were able to truly GAZE upon the Lord, fully present in our midst.  Then as we approach the altar to receive our Blessed Lord in the Eucharist, we again would fall to our knees, as an act of surrender of our entire selves with an openness of fully receiving HIM so that he may complete in us what is lacking.  A genuinely humble reception of the Lord, recognizing our littleness and the absolute Greatness of God!

Unfortunately, this is not an ideal situation and we do not live in a perfect world.  Today we still have a lot of people walking around in a tremendous amount of fear.  Fear is an emotion and thus it was given to us by God, but as with all of our emotions, we are made to use our emotions for good.  Fear is used to make us aware of danger.  To alert us to something that could harm us and to get us to move into action.  But our emotions can also lead us away from God. Fear for example can be distorted by the devil, who can use it to speak lies to us.  Fear, when it is not ordered toward God can lead us to freeze and not be able to move, to get stuck and not be able to make decisions, and to cloud our perceptions and thus our decisions. This distorted emotion of fear is plaguing the world at this time.

Coupled with this, we have the irrational judgement that each one of us has fallen into.  “Social” media has done a great job of helping us to get where we are today, thus we have a heightened focus on opinion and a lack of focus on facts.  Through social media, we can read post after post of our “friends” opinions on various things.  Add in a world-wide pandemic and an overload of fear and you have a perfect storm of judgement flying left and right.

When did this shift happen?  When did we become more focused on our opinions, to the point of fighting with complete strangers for days to try to prove our point, which we believe to be true, rather than focusing on GOD’s Will, which is the only absolute truth in this world? We have fallen into a trap where we believe WE as individuals are the only ones who hold the Truth, when in reality only GOD does.  God is the judge of all of us and His judgement is perfect.  We should certainly admonish the sinner when the Holy Spirit prompts us to, as this is one of the spiritual works of mercy, but we should not be judging the sinner. And by judging, I mean specifically puffing our own selves up by pointing out the faults of others without charity.  If God, in his mercy, points out the fault of our friend, we should begin by getting on our knees and praying for them.  Then and only then, IF God asks us to admonish the sinner, we should be obedient to His Will, but in all kindness and mercy, upholding the dignity of the other.

In the midst of all the world is going through right now, all of these things are inevitably going to be carried on our backs into Mass as the doors open back up and the priests cry out “Welcome Home!”  As we go back to Mass, we will surely feel this dysfunction.  We will see it physically in the family being scattered about in the pews;  Mom’s and Dad’s splitting up to go to Mass and keeping kids at home.  Our elderly perhaps completely missing from the community, with no recourse to the Sacraments. We will also feel this as we are forced to make tough choices that result in our having to choose whether or not to go against our conscience.  Should I receive on the tongue or not?  Should I wear a mask or not?  And all parameters that are promoted as simple acts of charity to save physical lives, actually become an interior and much heavier cross to bear upon souls who wonder about faith, sin and salvation. Not to mention all of the physical distractions of masks, face shields, hand sanitizer, taped pews, arrows, ushers, and many more that we will happening as we return.  These things are a reflection of all this baggage we have been carrying around with us for many years.  A very visible and transparent display of the state of our church, and we are left wondering how to overcome this and be healed?

As I sat in mass today, before it even started, I genuinely thought, I don’t even want to be here.  Seemingly the same thing I would say if I were wounded and were coming home to a highly dysfunctional family. Being faced with the reality of our dysfunction is going to be hard.  Realizing my own wounds and how I have participation in the dysfunction is going to be a struggle. But as these thoughts of despair of not wanting to be church under these conditions flooded over me, I was able to recognize it and quickly turn my gaze back to the Lord.

The reality is that we are not fully back home, and I dare to say we may not ever be back home in the way that we were before here on this earth.  When you have dysfunction in a family, it does not just go away on its own.  Time does not in fact heal all wounds.  What does heal wounds is Jesus Christ our Savior. We must recognize that Jesus has led us to this place so that we can be healed as a Church.  We are in this most uncomfortable place because he wants to weed out what is dysfunctional with the Church.

Our hope in all this lies in the fact that he walks with us, Jesus walks with the Church, His Bride.  We as a Church have been doing things wrong, I think we all can admit there were many things wrong with the Church before this pandemic.  So, in true biblical fashion, we have been exiled from our churches. Jesus knows that this is for our own good. It was not by chance that this happened to the Chosen People in the Old Testament and it is not by chance that this is happening to us now.

After the exile, we must return home and it will feel different for us.  But this is not a reason to NOT come back home, back to the Mass.  It is not a reason to come back and return judgment for judgement.  It is not a reason to take our eyes off of Christ.  Jesus desires for us to come back into the midst of our dysfunction and to see it in a new light, to see it in HIS light.  He wants us to sit in it and to feel the dysfunction so that we can fully realize that we want to be healed. What if he wants us to truly experience all the distractions that we now have in the Mass in hopes that we will be led to be completely purified. The only way to heal a wound is to clean it out, which is often very painful, then to assess the damage, which can be hard to bear, and finally to let the healing salve of God’s grace to enter into the wound, in order for it to be fully restored.

If you know anything about a deep wound, you know that it doesn’t ever look the same as it did before you were wounded. Often times a scar remains, just as Jesus’ wounds remain after the resurrection.  One thing we can count on is that the healing itself is miraculous.  After we have recognized and cared for the wound, the healing often takes place on its own.  The same is true for our spiritual wounds.  We must recognize the wound, then care for it,  through forgiveness and prayer, then all that is left to do is to allow the power of the Holy Spirit to do the healing.  This is proof of the goodness of God.  I charge us all at this moment, as we enter back into our churches, to be gentle with yourself and with others.  There will be discomfort. This is not going to be easy for anyone, but we must be willing to humble ourselves, keep our eyes on Christ, and find Jesus amongst all the distractions. Because HE IS THERE and he has been waiting for YOU to return to him.  He wants nothing more than to be united with you again in the Holy Eucharist, where he can continue to heal, protect, encourage, love, and complete you.  He wants nothing more than to bring you his peace in a very real way, so that you may go out into the world and bring that peace with you as you go.

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Contracepting Christ


Ghentaltar piece

Ghent Altar Piece – the wedding feast of the Lamb

The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. John 3:29

As we get ready to reopen Masses I have been reading about how different places are doing everything.  As I stated in my last post, the tension is palpable.

As I have also stated before, the science is not my purview, nor is it up to me to judge the intentions of all the people involved, that is for God to do.  I can only say that from my perspective all involved actually have good intentions.  But as we know, the demonic doesn’t care about your intention, he looks for the open door to come in and destroy.  I have always tried to write from a perspective of a Spiritual worldview; seeing what is unseen.

Because of the tension and poison arrows I see being flung around, I will not link to any of the stories of which I am about to tell you.  This is to prevent the worldly temptation of trying to control another or tell another person how right you are.  The virtue we all need right now is the virtue of humility.  Humility breeds true love.  Mary is the example.  If someone makes you angry because of these things, get on your knees and pray.  Pray for the conversion of the world.

With that all said I will tell you what I have been seeing and what I have been “seeing.”

In an effort to protect us, based on science, a lot of protocols are being put into place.  One of the arguments is that communion should not be received on the tongue and great lengths are being taken to make sure no one is touched, even if receiving in the hand. One thing I saw said that Jesus would be “gently dropped” in your hand, in order to protect. I have heard it said by leadership that how the Eucharist is given is at the discretion of the Bishop or Priest and the laity have no right to demand how to receive.  While I myself would never “demand” anything, I would ask not to be “lorded over.”

Tend the flock of God in your midst, [overseeing] not by constraint but willingly, as God would have it, not for shameful profit but eagerly.  Do not lord it over those assigned to you, but be examples to the flock.   And when the chief Shepherd is revealed, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. 1 Peter 5:2-4

If we look at this on it’s face, we can see those in leadership are sincerely trying to protect us and themselves.  But from a spiritual perspective and understanding what the Mass is, this should make us weep.  If the Mass is the wedding feast of the Lamb, a free and total giving of the Bridegroom to the Bride, it seems this wordly “protection” is bringing contraception into the the marital union; The representation of the Bridegroom levying a stipulation on the free giving of Christ’s love.  The person in a state of grace, as a purified bride who is invited to the union, is being told by the bridegroom that prophylactic is needed.  And Jesus weeps.

Christ manifests the love with which he has loved her [the Church] by giving himself for her. That love is an image and above all a model of the love which the husband should show to his wife in marriage, when the two are subject to each other ‘out of reverence for Christ.  Saint John Paul the Great, August 25, 1982

I have also seen it said that masks must be worn by everyone, including small children and infants, and that anyone without a mask will be turned away.  People with small children are being told to keep the children home.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”  Matthew 19:14

It seems the pandemic has made us totally ignore the Gospel.  We have been excused from worshipping God.  I don’t know about you, but a scripture verse comes to mind for me.

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

I listened to this homily the other day and it most succinctly explains how I have felt, especially the last few minutes when the Priest reads a letter from a layman to his Bishop.

At this point in time I don’t know what the answer is.  I am not meant to because I am not the Savior.  It appears to me that only an Act of God directly can lift us out of this mess we are in.  I can only say do not fear and do not despair.  Hold on to the Hands of Mary and Joseph and keep your eyes on Jesus.  The one thing I know for sure is the gates of hell shall not prevail.

Jesus I trust in you.

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